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First time moms, check in here!  

post #1 of 53
5/11/08 at 11:12pm
Thread Starter 
Hey everyone - I decided to start a thread for those of us going through our first pregnancies, since some stuff will be different for us - like when we start showing, when we first feel movement, etc... Not to mention the newness of it all. So, if you're a first timer, say hi and feel free to introduce yourself!

In case you haven't seen my intro elsewhere, I'm Laurel, with DH for four years (married since 08/07), expecting our first on 1/10/09. I'm working on wrapping up my bachelors degree - DH just graduated with his yesterday. I'm hoping to be a SAHM/WAHM while DH works outside of the home - his goal is currently to work for a couple years and then go back to law school. We're both interested in homesteading/self-sufficiency, and our long-term goals are becoming debt free (except for a mortgage), buying some acreage, and building a strawbale home here in north Idaho. We're currently planning on three or four children.

I'm excited but nervous about this whole process, and look forward to sharing it with you all!
post #2 of 53
5/12/08 at 10:19am
This is my first pregnancy. I'm excited! This is DP's second child, and both him and my DSD are excited too. DSD has been incredibly cute carrying around her big sister book that we got her and sleeping with it.

I'm 26, will be 27 in August. DP is 31, and DSD will be 4 in July. We have been together since September, our wedding is in August. But we have known each other for 10 years. Tis why we chose August for our wedding, it's the anniversary of when we met 10 years ago.

I fully beleive God brought us back together.

We will likely have one more child after this one.
post #3 of 53
5/12/08 at 11:58am
Awww, JSMa, that is so sweet! Congratulations on your wedding.

This is our first child too, and we are super excited. I'm 26, DH just turned 25. We've been together for 4 years too! Married July of 05.

I just went off birth control in March, because of finally discovering that it was affecting my sex drive and depression, and we decided to just passively TTC. And viola! Pregnant!

So we are just a lot excited.

I have my first appointment this afternoon and am totally stoked. Just to confirm I am pregnant and whatnot (even though I took 3 tests).

We are hoping for a girl, but obviously will be happy with either as long as it is healthy, and even if it is not healthy will still love it completely!

I hope to have a water birth but there are so many factors its hard to plan quite yet. We'll see what happens in the coming months!
post #4 of 53
5/12/08 at 12:04pm


this is my first pregnancy too. I'm 27, will be 28 in October and DH is 27, will be 28 in July. We've been together 5 years, married for 2. We're really excited! I have my first official appointment on Thursday with my midwife. I just keep hoping that everything is ok and stays that way!
post #5 of 53
5/12/08 at 4:11pm
Hi ladies!
Great idea starting this thread! I feel like there are so many mamas on MDC with a ton of kids and I'm the only newbie with a dazed look in my eyes! I'm glad there are other first-timers! Woo for us!

So... I'm Rachel, I'm 24, 25 in June. I'm 3 days away from finishing my first year of law school! DH and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, married for *almost* 1 year (our anniversary is next week!). We live in NYC, but I'm hoping to move back to the midwest (where I'm from) eventually. We had been trying to get pregnant since I went off the pill in August, so it's a huge relief that it finally worked!

We're planning a homebirth with a midwife who we had a consult with last week. She's great. She said I don't need to have a first "official" prenatal appt until 11 or 12 weeks, though, which I like - she's very hands off. I'm so looking forward to that appointment, when she said we'd be able to hear the heartbeat with a Doppler. Yay!

I'm also planning to have a birth pool to labor in and maybe have a water birth, even though my lovely sister called water births hippie/yuppie and said "the thought of you splashing around like a walrus in a kiddie-pool in your living room with your cats cowering under the bed is the funniest image I've had in ages!" :

I suspect it's a boy, but we're not going to find out until the birth, and I'd be thrilled with either a boy or a girl. I normally hate surprises, but I really want to wait it out for this one!
post #6 of 53
5/12/08 at 4:40pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSoup View Post
I just went off birth control in March, because of finally discovering that it was affecting my sex drive and depression, and we decided to just passively TTC. And viola! Pregnant!
Hey, that's why I ended up off BC too! It's amazing how common those symptoms/side effects are - and how little they're discussed. I stopped taking it in December '06, then used FAM/charting to avoid until we started TTC in March. (I used charting to conceive, too.) I will never go back to BC!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rachel616 View Post
Hi ladies!
Great idea starting this thread! I feel like there are so many mamas on MDC with a ton of kids and I'm the only newbie with a dazed look in my eyes! I'm glad there are other first-timers! Woo for us!
Hahaha - that's how I felt too! So much talk has revolved around about the ladies feel compared to their previous pregnancies - so I wanted to start a little discussion for those of us to commiserate who don't have that frame of reference.
post #7 of 53
5/12/08 at 5:09pm
Totally good idea Laurel!

I'm in the camp of NEVER going back on BCP either.... not after my scare. Nope, no way! lol I heart charting. It feeds all my analytical tendancies. lol
post #8 of 53
5/13/08 at 4:38pm
Thread Starter 
Happy Tuesday to the first-time mamas!

Are those of you who have told family/friends already encountering a lot of "You simply HAVE to do it this way" type advice? : I'm already getting a little frustrated with it... For the most part, I try to just nod and smile and say "Oh, I hadn't thought of that" - even if I had thought of that and think you're an abomination for even suggesting it!

For example: A friend with one pregnancy/birth under her belt said I shouldn't let anybody "talk me out of an epidural." Nor should I tolerate any doctors "letting me" go past 40 weeks - I should put my foot down for an induction! What's more, since I'll be due in early January, I really ought to ask to be induced at the end of December so we can get the child tax credit for '07.

Thing is, I probably won't talk to her more than a few times throughout my whole pregnancy, so the smile-and-nod tactic will be fine. But then I get to deal with fun like my mom's horror at the idea we'd even consider finding out the sex via u/s... vs. my best friend's horror at the idea we wouldn't find out the sex via u/s! One way or another, I'm going to hear it from one of them, and... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! To top it all off, I feel like any time I express a desire/plan - from avoiding u/s, to homebirth, to breastfeeding, to cloth diapering - I offend somebody. They all take it like I'm criticizing their choices not to do those things! I'm honestly not doing that (when my best friend opted not to breastfeed, and opted to circ, I kept my mouth shut even though I have guilt over not trying to sway her the other direction!) and it's getting really frustrating feeling like I have to be on the offensive, defensive, and doing damage control all at the same time.

Last night I was seriously fantasizing about having the baby and not telling anybody s/he arrived for like a week... that way we'll have time just for DH, myself and babe before the onslaught of family and friends!

I'm going to blame this craziness on hormones.
post #9 of 53
5/13/08 at 4:48pm
I've been lucky, we've told lots of people (way too excited not too...plus, if heaven forbid, something does happen, I want people to be able to grieve with us...) and the only person who told me things we just HAD to do was one of my mom's random coworkers that I had never met before. So I can deal with that.

That and my boss (who is from India) is superstitious about telling people and told me not to tell anyone (I had to tell her because of my job type and so we can plan out what will happen) but again, I don't want to be crying by myself if something happens.
post #10 of 53
5/13/08 at 5:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by laurelg View Post
Last night I was seriously fantasizing about having the baby and not telling anybody s/he arrived for like a week... that way we'll have time just for DH, myself and babe before the onslaught of family and friends!
I'm there with you! I WISH I could do that! I tried to float that idea by DH before I even got pregnant, and he was very against it. : He didn't understand at all why I wouldn't want people coming over to visit and meet the baby like the day/hour/minute of the birth! Ummm, maybe because your parents drive me crazy and I just want to catch a breath and be a family for a bit before everyone descends on us like locusts?
GRRR.
post #11 of 53
5/13/08 at 5:18pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachel616 View Post
I'm there with you! I WISH I could do that! I tried to float that idea by DH before I even got pregnant, and he was very against it. : He didn't understand at all why I wouldn't want people coming over to visit and meet the baby like the day/hour/minute of the birth! Ummm, maybe because your parents drive me crazy and I just want to catch a breath and be a family for a bit before everyone descends on us like locusts?
GRRR.
Amen! When my mom was still in her "maybe if I say enough snarky things I can talk her out of this silly homebirth idea" phase, she said "Well, you do what you want, but I'm definitely not going to attend the birth if you go this route." I was like... did I invite you to!?

My mom also informed me the other day I better give her the first heads-up when I go into labor, so she can make sure she (16 hours away by car) can get on a plane and get to us before my in-laws (7 hours away by car) can make it there. Of all the times to do this "our family is better than your family" crap...

Next time I do this I'm not telling anybody until 12 weeks... not because of m/c - I just want to buy myself two extra months of peace!
post #12 of 53
5/13/08 at 6:29pm
Oh my goodness, Laurel, I'm so sorry!! That sounds horrible!

I really am blessed then!

I'm looking at doing a waterbirth with a midwife, and I told my mom and she goes "Oh yeah, I looked into that, but our insurance didn't cover it so I just had it in the hospital."
post #13 of 53
5/13/08 at 6:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by laurelg View Post
Amen! When my mom was still in her "maybe if I say enough snarky things I can talk her out of this silly homebirth idea" phase, she said "Well, you do what you want, but I'm definitely not going to attend the birth if you go this route." I was like... did I invite you to!?

My mom also informed me the other day I better give her the first heads-up when I go into labor, so she can make sure she (16 hours away by car) can get on a plane and get to us before my in-laws (7 hours away by car) can make it there. Of all the times to do this "our family is better than your family" crap...
What a bummer about your mom! That competitiveness is kind of funny, in a way (but annoying, I know) - my mom is already running for Grandmother of the Century - it's worked to my advantage, though, since being open-minded about homebirth and midwives and water birth means she "wins" as compared to the expected ILs' reactions! Hmmm... maybe I could leverage her approval against them...

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurelg View Post
Next time I do this I'm not telling anybody until 12 weeks... not because of m/c - I just want to buy myself two extra months of peace!
What a good idea Laurel! I've already told my mom and sister, but only because they knew we were trying. I would actually really like to not tell the ILs for awhile. But, one MIL is staying with us later this week, so DH wants to tell her in person. She lives way out west and we never see her, so I kind of understand. The other ILs, though, live nearby and we see them all the time. I kind of wish we could delay telling them, but we already promised to stay with them this weekend and DH is counting on telling them then, even though he's crazy anxious about it, since he knows they'll disapprove about everything we're doing! Ugh.
post #14 of 53
5/13/08 at 7:16pm
Laurel that's exactly why I'm not bothering to really tell many people yet. My family lives in a few other states and I haven't told many friends yet. The people I have tld who are not family already know what i think about birth and so forth from my having blabbered incessantly to them about it after taking a doula training and attending a homebirth in january 08. I don't expect to talk with my extended family very much about it, and if anyone gives me any crp about having a midwife or a homebirth I will politely remind them that my great great grandmother was a midwife and caught my grandmother along with her 11 siblings! : take that family! haha. I sent my stepmother a whole bunch of things to read online about homebirth and midwives because she'd like to know more and be prepared to educate other people about it My sister has had two hospital births, the last was an emergency c-section, so I know this is all kind of new to my parents but they're also used to me doing exactly what I want an believe in, no matter what anyone has to say about it. I'm still more than sure I'll have to take some crap for the cloth diapering, but hey--are they giving birth to and raising my child? NO!
post #15 of 53
5/13/08 at 8:37pm
Ugh! Yeah I second all of you! lol So many people are yelling at me that I don't want an epidural and all are telling me I will change my mind the second I go into labor and feel the first pains... um, do you all think I'm that week? It really pissed me off.

It doesn't help that my fiancee's ex told him that my pain puts stress on the baby. And that is why she got an epidural. I've been stock piling evidence against it to give to him... and we have already had the talk in no uncertain terms that I am not his ex and will not have the same labor as her, which he understood... but everyone still thinks I'm nuts about denying the epidural.


MrsSoup... I had the same exact mind set... I told everybody... I'd want/need the support if God Forbid something does happen. And I didn't want the awkward... well I was... and now I'm not... so I'm enjoying every second of being pregnant now. Including telling EVERYONE. lol Even the waitress at Bob Evans who looked at me a little funny that I wanted the mac & cheese off the kids menu today because I was craving it all day and it wasn't on the adult menu.
post #16 of 53
5/13/08 at 8:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
So many people are yelling at me that I don't want an epidural and all are telling me I will change my mind the second I go into labor and feel the first pains... um, do you all think I'm that week? It really pissed me off.

Even the waitress at Bob Evans who looked at me a little funny that I wanted the mac & cheese off the kids menu today because I was craving it all day and it wasn't on the adult menu.
Seriously, why is it that people think not having or wanting an epidural automatically means you're either a martyr or a hippie or both? : It's not like everyone here who doesn't want one is trying to win some award! It's a decision that everyone can and should make for themselves (i.e., not just go with the flow w/o thinking about it), with information and research, like everything else related to pregnancy and birth and onward. If it's right for you, great. If it's not right for you, great. People need to stop judging women who choose to be informed and/or go against the standard trends in society. Dang!

Also, I am so much more afraid of having a needle going into my spinal column and not feeling my body while being awake than I am of pain. I hate sedation and painkillers. They do not get along with me. :Puke

I have to say, for a country & society that generally values traits like independence and knowledge, it sure seems the opposite when it comes to pregnant women having either! It's patronizing and I resent it!

Also, I mac & cheese! :
post #17 of 53
5/14/08 at 10:37am
I hear you Rachel! Many pain meds do not agree with my tummy. And I am no stranger to pain... I have fibromyalgia. I have learned to push through a lot... beleive me. lol

I think for some reason society seems to view pregnant women as invalids...
post #18 of 53
5/14/08 at 4:09pm
Thread Starter 
You guys crack me up - I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this! It makes me feel a little more normal... or at least normally abnormal.
post #19 of 53
5/15/08 at 4:16pm
I had my first appointment today! My midwife came over to my apartment, and we just did everything there. It was so great! At the end I was like "so it's really in there, huh?" Yup. It's in there! : Maybe it's because it's the first I'm still half wondering if it's REALLY there. but I know it is.
post #20 of 53
5/15/08 at 4:39pm
hehe... I wonder that too, Bloomingstar. My appointment is on Tuesday and I can't wait! I'm so excited!
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