Originally Posted by ustasmom
I expect to have as close a relationship to future daughters-in law as I do with my daughters. I don't think that I should just throw my sons away, simply because they are male. I don't understand why you don't think that you should be close to your mother-in-law. Not to say that every MIL isn't different, but to say that you shouldn't have a close relationship with a person because she is your MIL is ridiculous. She did, in fact, raise the main that you married. She does deserve respect for that.
Hmmm I'm thinking that you might not be fully reading what I'm writing here. Showing respect to your spouse's parents doesn't mean letting them walk on you. Would you really expect to be invited to a birth after you were arguing with everyone at the prior birth (including the mom in labor?).
We see MIL multiple times a week, go over and celebrate holidays with them, go on vacation with them, make sure they have plenty of time with our son, I'm very respectful to her even when she's going balistic and she says I'm her "favorite child" (and she has 4 she birthed herself here). I call her to make sure she's doing ok, checked on her after surgery, commiserate with her, help her figure out how to post on craigslist, ect.
"Throwing away your sons" is not equalled by MIL-not-invited-to-birth. I can understand you're very emotional about the topic, I too have noticed in my own family dynamics that sons marrying off generally gives distance to their parental relationshps and work hard to make sure that hasn't happened for my husband and his parents. I hope that whomever my son marries family doesn't end up being his primary family contact, but that's way way different than expecting and demanding to be at any future DIL's births. Its private and intimate and not my *right* to be there.
And you know what? If she wasn't such a controlling, freaked out, scared, worried, bossy, in-my-personal space person at my last birth I WOULD invite her to this one. But she really violated my space, made my birth far more uncomfortable and nervous and I don't think that should just be ignored or brushed off. Being my Dh's mother doesn't give her any rights to not respect ME. Should *I* get respect as well? After all I did birth her grandchild, have been with her son for almost 10 years and have given him 110% of my support, love, and being the best spouse for him that I could. I think that should count in the equation too.
Respect is a two way street.