A vent - my mother, my husband GAH

[HerthElde]

So, about a week ago, I told my mom we were going to UC - I would have loved to have had time to talk to her about it sooner and perhaps even educate her a bit, but because we just lost our midwife, it wasn't going to happen that way. I asked her if she still wanted to be a part of it, if she still wants to be here . . . she basically told me that she still wants to come so she can make sure I don't die . . . *sigh* . . . well, I thought, perhaps I'll still have her here anyway - then I saw her last night. I can really tell she's completely freaked out. When I mentioned anything about the birth, there was a LOT of fear in her eyes. When we left, my grandma said she'd be praying for me (which she would, no matter where I give birth) and mom said "pray HARD"
So, she's not coming. It hurts, I have to say, because I want to share it with her. I'm also not someone who enjoys confrontation.

THEN last night, dh and I are sitting on the couch before going to bed and somehow something about birth control came up and he said "what do you want to do?" which caught me off guard - I just assumed we'd do LAM and NFP like before (I think his faith was shaken by the fact that this pg wasn't planned - but that was because we never quite got around to STARTING to chart and check and stuff . . . ). So I said "what were you thinking?" And he said "well, anything permanent for either of us has side effects, right?" WHAT!?!?! PERMANENT!?!?!?!? I don't know if we're done!! I told him I won't even consider talking about permanent until baby's at least a year old . . . what was he thinking, I'm a woman about to have a baby and he's talking about PERMANENT?!?


ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH

[alegna]

Arg.

Head games from two directions. Just what you DON'T need right now.

-Angela

[smeisnotapirate]

[Molck]

Tact people! Sorry your mom and DH are letting their thoughts and worries spill out onto you-- so not what you need right now.

[kalisage]

[gottecat]

s

[Shanana]

s I'm sorry your mom isn't at a place where she could give you the love and support you need right now.

As for dh, I agree with you that now is NOT the time to be having those conversations. I'm pretty sure we're done having kids, and it still isn't something I want to discuss right now. With the hormones and the sleep deprivation and just ... everything! It's just not a good idea! I hope he is comfortable with putting that one on the table for a while.

[MarchWillow]

Fear! I hear alot of fear from dh and mom. That sucks! You're the one who should get to be having doubts and fears, not pep talking people around you. I'd be so frustrated too!!! You are a very strong woman-perhaps dh just needs some time, maybe he is just having some anxiety. And I don't know what to say about mom. My mom was totally taken off guard by my mw assisted homebirth wishes/plans. If she happens to be with me and the topic comes up in conversation with someone (say a stranger at walmart) she always expresses that she's "nervous" But she has been willing to hear my reasons as to why and watch the buisness of being born for more insight and get a feel for where Im coming from, not that Im just crazy. She even mentioned a UC at one point...saying geeeze why pay a midwife, you could just do it yourself like we do the puppies. (she breeds chihuahua's) I think it was more of a realization that yeah, uh, people do not have to go mainstream...point being...maybe if you could find the time to talk to your mom and address her fears she would/could be more supportive. course, your mom is not mine, and I know I am truly blessed by how this all came about.

I hope you get some more support mama! Big hugs to you...and just think, no matter what you are going to have a beautiful baby in your arms soon