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nursery worker at church - Page 2

post #21 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
I wouldn't leave a child there either. In fact, I might "shop around" for another church, if there's another one of your denomination in your area. Otherwise, I don't know, talk to the other parents and see if anyone else could join you in trying to force change?
Before I shopped around for another church I would go to the pastor (if there is more than one go to them all!) and the Parish Ed or whatever committee oversee the nursery. Be loud! If you DO end up leaving, make sure you inform all the above people why, especially if they did nothing about this person.
(I am a church nursery worker and someone like that would NOT last in our nursery).
What I encourage parents to do is come in early ( early service, SS hour) and volunteer, then see if the child is comfortable with mom, dad, etc leaving.
post #22 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by purple_kangaroo View Post
IME, most churches don't take an official position on those things. Individuals may lean one way or the other, the pastor may have his own personal views, etc., but the details aren't official church positions, taught from the pulpit, or required for members to believe. I don't think the death penalty, for example, has ever been mentioned by anyone at my church in my hearing, either for or against.
Not to hijack, but unfortunately I grew up in an area where it's all too common for churches to have a position on political issues. I once was in a sermon while I was in college where the pastor said, "if you're a Democrat, you can't possibly be a good Christian." So I got up and left (and would if someone had said the same for Republicans), but there you go. I'm jaded right now because we joined a denomination that professes not to take political stances, but our sermon 2 weeks ago was basically an ad for a local crisis pregnancy center, which I find horribly distasteful.
post #23 of 85
I don't know if you can handle the situation any better than you already did. I think you did great! It's very hard to deal with people that are our opposite's or who just flat out disagree with our held belief's. I would do as you have done and stay until your DD is ready for you to leave, but I would speak to your pastor about the situation. Explain that you don't feel safe leaving your child there while this lady is in the nursery. I just wouldn't leave her there- when that lady is there. You need to have a "safe" place to have some adult time, and if church is that place for you- then you need to make it safe for your DD. You need a place that she can be looked after with minimal issues, so that you can connect with yourself and other adults in a positive way. Speak to the pastor, children's minister get this resolved because she isn't this way with ONLY your DD- she is like this with all the children, and maybe they don't protest like yours is. Now that she (dd) has told you about this lady- what are you going to do about it?
post #24 of 85
I would never ever leave my kid in that environment at all.
post #25 of 85
My husband is a children's pastor and I know that he would want to hear your concerns. Nursery workers are there to minister (that doesn't mean watching Little Einsten's) to young ones, not to belittle parenting choices and whatnot. You should really speak with the person who directly oversees the nursery. That may be the children's pastor or the early childhood director about your concerns. You could just tell he/she that you are concerned and explain that your experiance in the nursery was not a pleasant one and that you were offended by the nursery worker. You won't come off as a freak mom, just a concerned mama, and a good children's pastor will be understanding and will address the concern in some manner. I would also be asking why they let the kids watch Little Eisteins in church... the first 5 years are so important in developing... they aquire and learn so much.... these are formative years! And watching Little Einsteins is more if a babysitting tool then a learning tool (the idea that these videos help young kids learn has been debunked!). Children are not passive receivers of knowledge; they are active participants in their learning!
post #26 of 85
Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.
post #27 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by althara View Post
Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.
I thought the same thing. If they are volunteers, they should be happy there is someone extra to lend a hand, not trying to push them out the door.
post #28 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by madis81 View Post
I would also be asking why they let the kids watch Little Eisteins in church... the first 5 years are so important in developing... they aquire and learn so much.... these are formative years! And watching Little Einsteins is more if a babysitting tool then a learning tool (the idea that these videos help young kids learn has been debunked!). Children are not passive receivers of knowledge; they are active participants in their learning!
You're thinking of Baby Einstein, not Little Einsteins. Little Einsteins is a cartoon for slightly older kids.

I've never been in a church where the nursery wasn't a babysitting tool. We've been in all types of church, from our current one with 300 or so members to a mega-church with several thousand. Nursery is for children under 3, and whoever is there watches them until their parents are done. I'm not sure why people are acting as if church nursery workers need some sort of training on child development. In reality, this is 1-2 hours, not a daily thing.

This nursery worker needs to decide whether or not she even wants to be there. What you need for quality nursery workers is someone who enjoys being around children and can keep them safe and happy until their parents return. My grandmother loves to work in the nursery at her church because she really enjoys rocking babies and playing with them. That's what you need.

Truthfully I don't see where the child was in any danger of being mistreated. The OP didn't like the way *she* was treated, and that's a valid concern. Some parents - me, for example - wouldn't want to be told each time Kate cries, so I don't view that as any kind of child abuse. I assume if she falls, she'll cry and that someone will take care of it. I only need to be told or retrieved from service if she's inconsolable. The BF comment was rude, but that's the end of it. She's not going to be BF the OP's child anyway.
post #29 of 85
At our church the parents let the children's ministry worker know if they wants to be fetched immediately if thier child cries or if they tend to stop quickly so stick it out and try this or that first. My son and the pastor's youngest both want mom most of the time so we end up in there with our kids and another little girl who does fine without her mom and dad. We're on a rotation but since that's how it generally works out we send the caregiver back to the sanctuary and just stay once we've been summoned.
post #30 of 85
She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.
post #31 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.
And very common for them to be completely wrong. No way would I leave my kid again. Especially if their way of handling a potty accident is to put the kid in a diaper without mentioning it to mom.

These years go by quickly. Go for the part of the service you enjoy, play outside or around the grounds until the service is over, stay for the social part and catch the part you missed on the internet.

Honestly, the nursery folks sound like asshats to me, but that's jmho. I wouldn't want them influencing my kid's early feelings about church.
post #32 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
I wouldn't leave a child there either. In fact, I might "shop around" for another church, if there's another one of your denomination in your area. Otherwise, I don't know, talk to the other parents and see if anyone else could join you in trying to force change?
Exactly. Okay, I have to admit that as an atheist I don't see the appeal of church, but even if I did go I would have certain expectations of how my family and I would be treated. Unless every member of your family is treated with kindness, understanding, and respect during your entire time at the church then you owe it to them to leave. And perhaps, if you want, tell the pastor the reason why you are leaving.
post #33 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
And very common for them to be completely wrong. No way would I leave my kid again. Especially if their way of handling a potty accident is to put the kid in a diaper without mentioning it to mom.

These years go by quickly. Go for the part of the service you enjoy, play outside or around the grounds until the service is over, stay for the social part and catch the part you missed on the internet.

Honestly, the nursery folks sound like asshats to me, but that's jmho. I wouldn't want them influencing my kid's early feelings about church.
Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..
post #34 of 85
The provider is being an ass in front of the parent. There's no reason to believe they are all sweetness and light when the parent is gone.

Parents know their kids many 1000s of time better than a Sunday nursery worker is going to. If the parent needs to transition their kid, the nursery worker should be respectful of that.

If the nursery worker thinks "kids" all need the same thing, she is wrong.
post #35 of 85
But if the nursery worker has seen this child have a pattern of not being able to adjust and she is trying to stand up for what she believes to be in the child's best interest then I don't think she is being an ass. Her personal belief on breastfeeding is way off and she shouldn't have shared it, she should also have been more tactful if that is what is going on, but there is only one side of the story being shared on this board and there are two sides to all stories. Assuming that the parent is the only one that is right in all cases just because they know their child is stupid. Children act differently in childcare than they do at home, sometimes dramatically differently and the only one that can tell you how your child is acting in childcare is the caregiver. It sounds like this lady does need to work on being blunt about what is going on with the child during the time she is there, but that is not an easy skill even for professional caregivers. Even my daughter's teachers have a hard time expressing themselves accurately when they have not had time to form what they are saying, she should have waited to speak until she planned what she wanted to say but that doesn't mean that there isn't something going on that the parent needs to know about.
post #36 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy View Post
The nursery worker told me I needed to leave.
She said she would only cry a minute that she need to realize I would come back.
She said they would not remember and if I was not going to leave her why come back.
So then she started in on a story with another nursery worker about how nursing after 6 months is pure manipulation on the childs part
Aparently in her misery she also wet herself and they had to put a diaper on her. [OP's dd] was very embarrsed.
this one is always the "boss" she talks loud, handles the kids rough.
That enough acting like an asshat for me not to need a videotape. She has very strange ideas about children and treats them badly. She has strange ideas about parents and treat them badly.

This is not a regular DCP: It's a church nursery worker. She sees this child for less than an hour a week.
post #37 of 85
That doesn't mean that she doesn't see something going on with the child. Perhaps the child acts like this every week. If it was me, I would want to know what is going on so that the next place I take my child I could trouble shoot problems. It is also very common for people to have trouble with other people's communication towards children and for GD parents to view other people as bossy towards children. It is also common for people who are bossy to be blunt even when ther is a problem they need to be clear about. If she has been this way all along though and the parent still chose to put her there for a long period of time, as she did, then she must have been okay with it until it became apparant that the child was miserable to even to her. Clearly the parent needs to do some investigating or needs to leave. If this doesn't happen at the next church then I will freely admit that this woman is an ass, but it may and that is why I am saying that she needs to talk to this lady to find out if she is seeing something even if it is just once a week.
post #38 of 85
No, no . no. This person does not respect you or your child. Leave and do not return!
post #39 of 85
I don't see any reason to leave the church or investigate the nursery any more than she already has.

It's not blunt to have a conversation about manipulative babies in front of a nursing mother. It's passive aggressive, rude and disrespectful. If my child was screaming and wetting herself at being left with people who diaper a PL child and don't mention it to the mother on p/u, saw the "boss" of the nursery handling children roughly, and got lectured that it doesn't matter if my child cried because they wouldn't remember it....

Well, that would be plenty for me to know that the person had no business caring for people too young to speak for themselves.

These years pass really quickly. Using that nursery is not worth anything one might get from attending the service while the child is there.
post #40 of 85
Thread Starter 
My daughter is not the only one that has issues with the nursery. One little girl crys the ENTIRE time her mom is gone. When I asked why no one tired to comfort her they say she is an only child and only mommy can calm her down they have given up. Another child just sits in the corner for the two hours. He does not look up just plays with his shoe laces. So my daughter may have a hard time adjusting but she is not the only one.

I have also just dropped her off to see if that would make the seperation easier, so she would only cry for half a minute. They came and got me bc she had made herself throwup from crying so hard.

As for the movie issue it was LITTLE einstien, I do not let my daughter watch disney(for reasons that discussing would violate ua) when I mentioned this they said the kids dont really watch it anyway. So it is on for what reason?

Sunday when she pottied on herself, I had to told the workers that she would need to potty in about 30 minutes. IF she needed to go to take her. I showed them the sign for potty and well as told them her word for "pee" and had her repeat it to her worker. She said ok, that taking the kids to the potty was done on the hour (if they were potty age, only once for diapers) Anyway so I also told her that I had a cloth diaper , just in case. I am not mad that they put a diaper on her, I am upset that she was embarssed. A worker who I DO like said that she tried to tell her worker several times she had to go potty but the worker got distracted.

I have tried making a goody bag so she can stay in the main sermon but she is just starting to talk and learning to "shush" It is actually kinda cute" mama, mama we shush shush shush" over and over again. I think she is reminding herself that she has to be quiet. But it is quite loud.

On the other hand I do like her to have the op. to play with the other kids. I like chatting with some of the moms(one who comes to mdc) its just the whole pkg deal

I do like the one idea of just getting our social needs met ( coffee, chitchat) then watching the sermon on the net.
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