nursery worker at church - Page 3

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..

You can't be serious.

WOW

Just Wow



OP...I would definitely talk to whoever is in charge of the nursery and try to find out what their policies are and whether or not the worker was violating any of them. Please don't eave your daughter if you don;t feel comfortable.

I spent a lot of time in church nurseries and sunday school and I had some really bad experiences (of course good ones too!!) with some of the care providers. I remember burning my leg (so badly that my tights were melting) on a baseboard heater at church when I was 4. We were in a prayer circle when it happened. I tried to tell the "teacher" what had happened...she just said "Shut Up-We're Praying!" :
I never had to go back to that group.

Just because it is a church doesn't mean they will treat your kids with respect, unfortunately.

.

[dubfam]

I just read your most recent post.

I would not send her their anymore.

I think that sounds like a VERY BAD environment. If there is a kid sitting in the corner just staring at his shoelaces the entire time and other kids are crying the whole time...those sound like MAJOR RED FLAGS that something is VERY WRONG.

I am sorry that it is working out this way. It sounds like you really like this church.


BTW Happy early Birthday to your dd...that is my birthday too!!


.

[nevaehsmommy]

Thanks for the birthday greeting. She was expected to be born on Mothers day, but they took her on the 24th. Should have waited 4 more days and we could have shared a birthday

I am on the church website looking for info on who to contact. I dont feel like it is the Adult pastor, but the only child person I found is the church school pastor.

[warriorprincess]

Contact him/her anyway! The more people who know, the better.

[Felicitymom]

You actually couldn't pay me to leave my child there..... I would not leave my child in the company of this women.... ever. ANd to be perfectly honest... if I liked the church and everything else I would complain and confront and initiate change.

N

[riversong]

Nevaehsmommy- I hear you that you don't want to give up your church. I know it can be very distracting to have kids in the service with you. Mine are very active and can get noisy, too. It's only for a short time in their life, though.

Is there some other way that your dd can get the opportunity to socialize? This mom that you know at the church, can you set up a play date with her elsewhere at another time?

I really believe that if your gut is telling you not to leave her in the nursery, you should not leave her there. Your examples of the other kids crying and not being comforted or sitting in the corner the whole time sound really bad to me. Also, the fact that your dd asked to be taken to the bathroom and the caregiver got distracted and didn't take her would worry me. Especially since another caregiver was aware of her need to go to the bathroom, but didn't step in and take your dd herself. It seems like a strange way of doing things. Going to the bathroom is a basic need. And your dd was embarrassed about wetting herself and being put in a diaper.

My dd was born on May 25th. You also have a Memorial Day baby!

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

She is probably right about the crying for a minute thing, I have seen kids cry for about half a minute after their parents leave in the most heartbreaking type of cry every day and then once their parent is gone they are fine. I have also seen parents who drag out their leaving and their child has a complete meltdown once they actually do leave and has a hard time actually coping with them leaving. It may be that she sees your child having a very hard time once you are gone and the other children do just fine after their initial one minute of crying and she is trying to stand up for your child. It is very common for people to work around primarily kids to be blunt about telling parents what they see as in the child's best interest.

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Unless you are actually video taping the whole exchange you would have no idea if they were wrong. It may also be that they put her in a diaper because the parent didn't provide extra clothes and that is what their policy is. Unless you have a discussion with a provider about what is going on, with no kids present, there is no real way to determine what is going on. I think it is silly to jump to the conclusion that the provider is just being an ass when it may be the parent who is causing the problem. From what I saw in daycare, when a child had a hard time adjusting it was either the parent or an illness. I also find it hard to believe that every other child in there does well except this one but it is the teacher's that have the problem and not the one family. If you talk to the other parents and they also have a problem then you should definitely not use the nursery any more and if you get a bad feeling when you talk to the provider than you should avoid it like the plague, but if the other parents and their children are happy with what is going on and the kids are happy overall when you drop in then you should look at what you are doing to cause your child to have a tough adjustment.

You should also make sure to give them a change of clothes and tell them under which circumstances you want to be called from the service to get her, it may be that many parents at the church don't want to be called out for crying or an accident so they don't call parents for those things. You need to make sure you know the rules they are following for things like that and tell them the adjustments you want made for your child and if they don't want to follow them then leave..

Really?

I think that you should re-read the stuff that you posted.


I think it is LUDICROUS to even SUGGEST that she is causing the problems. That teacher sounds like a nutbag

[angela&avery]

thats terrible!! I took my dd to a church nursery while my ds was in the preschool room, and I never could leave her either... So i stayed in there with her for an entire year.... then next year I taught in the preschool room with her....

[mama2mygirl]

One of the reasons I chose my church was because of how much respect they show the children. I would leave a church where babies and children weren't shown respect.

[nevaehsmommy]

mamatomygirls- How did you choose the church or what stuck out to you? We have been looking for churchs with a playgorund and minivans in the parking lot. A church with a school seemed even better.

[lava mama]

I'm so sorry that the church whose sermon you like has a crappy nursery program. Yuck!

My DH and I volunteer to be the nursery leaders in our church. I would KILL to have more parents like you--parents who actually listen to their children's cues and respect their child's needs even if it is not convenient. It does get tiring taking the same kid to their parents/grandparents for the gazillionth time, only to have them brought back in and deserted, then start a full-blown meltdown, repeat ad nauseum.

The purpose for the nursery is not so the parents can have a "break" but so the children can have a good church experience too. I'm sorry your daughter isn't receiving that good experience at the church nursery!

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Wow, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I would definitely tell anybody and everybody that you can find - especially the pastor/priest (?). If you're finding affirmation in his sermons, then it's likely that he will listen to your concerns about the nursery. I know that so many churches (if they are wise) view their nurseries as a "marketing tool." And I don't mean that negatively - it's just that a parent who is comfortable with entrusting her child to the care of church workers is more likely to become involved in the church's other ministries - and if the child is happy, a family will remain.

I'd suggest that you ask what sort of training the children's ministry workers go through. There are quite a few different training protocols that are pretty simple (it's not like they're getting teaching certification or anything). It's important that child care workers 1) are aware of and are willing to represent the church's belief in the value of children, 2) have very specific guidelines which are consistently followed in regards to discipline, safety, etc. - you have a right to know these - they should be published for all parents, and 3) demonstrate, first and foremost, the gentleness and loving kindness of Christ towards the children in their care.

I think your pastor would be very pleased to hear from a mom who is keenly interested in remaining within his congregation. It's not just your child that is being treated this way, as you've said; you'll be serving those children too if you voice your concerns.




P.S. It's clear to me that you are IN NO WAY the cause of the problem.

[JessC]

I was at my church for about 15 years before I ever had kids, so I was attached. So I understand wanting to make it work.
I have talked to the higher-ups, they understand that
*my kids don't cry. If they cry, I am paged. (none of the other parents do this)
*only I change diapers, (this for my older special needs kid, for his privacy)
*I have sat through services in the nursery...
I have also talked to individual nursery workers, as I am sitting in the nursery demand-feeding over, and over, and over again. . It's amazing, when you just casually talk about WHY you do what you do, you can gain their respect.

Should I have to prove that my parenting decisions are thought through? No. But if someone just doesn't get it, and in their ignorance are not dealing with my kids the way I want, it's worth the time.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy

nak

How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.

the way you explained yourself here sounds very good & i'm sure the children's pastor will be very receptive to you. church staff hear so much from members of the congeregation all.of.the.time about a million different issues.... she will not think anything negative about you and will probably appreciate you taking the time to talk with her (instead of just leaving the church). i'm so sorry this has happened. hugs to you.

[GamineNoir]

Originally Posted by althara

Her telling you that you couldn't be there really threw up a red flag for me. You have to right to be with your child anywhere your child goes, period. And anyone who tells you different should not be trusted IMO.

:

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by pink gal

Is there someone on the ministry staff that you could talk to? At my chuch we have a children's ministry director and this is something that she would want to be aware of and would handle with education for the nursery worker.

Originally Posted by warriorprincess

Before I shopped around for another church I would go to the pastor (if there is more than one go to them all!) and the Parish Ed or whatever committee oversee the nursery. Be loud! If you DO end up leaving, make sure you inform all the above people why, especially if they did nothing about this person.

Yeah all the above. Don't just leave and don't just complain to ther parents, talk to the people in charge. And the two situations (child sitting in corner and child crying for the WHOLE time sound terrible. I wouldn't leave my DC at all.

Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy

How would you approach the childrens pastor about this with out sounding like a freak mom. I know most of my ways are "out there" even my mom did not think the nursery worker was out of line.

I'd say that you have some concerns you'd like to discuss and this is why you're not comfortable leaving DC in the nursery.

[mama2mygirl]

Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy

mamatomygirls- How did you choose the church or what stuck out to you? We have been looking for churchs with a playgorund and minivans in the parking lot. A church with a school seemed even better.

Me?
I went because I knew a few people who had gone. And then I went on Christmas Eve and I fell in love. ALL the children were in the Nativity. The littlest ones were sheep and they were rolling on the floor. The adults laughed and laughed. They weren't judgemental because the little guys weren't doing what they were "supposed to." And the minister ended the service buy talking about laughter and joy and that's what I want in a church.
It's a United Church of Christ. (Kind of famous right now with Obama's church being one as well.)
Mamas nurse in the pews. There is a nursery but not everyone uses it. Some people keep their kids with them, some don't.
My favorite thing is the Children's Time. The kids stay with parents for the first half and then they go to the stage and either sing or talk about what they are donating to which charity. It's lovely. People really get what kids act like. (Like, last Sunday we were leaving and my daughter got waaaay to close to two elderly women also leaving. One was leaning heavily on a cane and I really thought that dd would knock her over. I said, "Sorry. We're working on manners. Some days are better than others."
Both women smiled and said, "We've all been there.")
Anyhow, I was impressed by the way they treat children more than just that there are children there, kwim?

[RockStarMom]

I would absolutely never send my child back there. And I would absolutely make it known why.
Do you know any families outside of church that you could swap childcare with so that you could go to the service every week or every other week?

[ThreeJane]

I agree with the poster ahead of me. Maybe childcare so you can go to church?

The nursery worker being "rough" with other kids means she's "rough" with your child. Not acceptable. To argue with you and belittle you when you don't agree means she'll have no problem doing the same with your child.

Big.red.flags = not.ever.again

Our church nursery has volunteers who really DO like being around the kids, who encourage parents to be in there if they like (no speakers in there, unfortunately). My girls like to go to nursery (they're pulling me through the door the second we get there, yelling, "Nussey! Nussey!") They CAN be in the service any time they want. I'm very leery of churches with an unspoken (or not) "requirement" that children be in nursery or class.

I hope you're able to solve this but I would not put your daughter in that position again. She cannot defend herself, but you can, by using good decisions based on your feelings and the facts being presented. Good luck ,mama.

[mama2mason]

Originally Posted by shayinme

Honestly I would not leave my child in that nursery and I say this as someone who had to stop going to church when my dd was almost a year. My experiences with church nurseries has been that the workers don't really have any training as far as child development, they are often volunteers, I know because I signed up.

Personally my own dd's personality even at almost 3 is that she does not do the nursery unless either dh or dd is with us, I have never at any church been told we couldn't stay. Most are happy since that means one less kid to watch.

I find in general most church nurseries don't mesh well with our dd's personality.

Shay

I wholeheartedly agree with this. As an Early Childhood Educator, Child Development Associate, Montessori Directress, and mom, it REALLY bothers me that the majority of church nurseries have no requirements for education and/or experience. And, with all due respect to religions of all kinds, just because someone is religious doesn't make them necessarily a "good" person. Just because someone is a member of your church doesn't mean they are qualified to care for young children, nor does it mean that they have a clear criminal background, etc. We prefer to keep our child with us during services, and thus seek out a church that welcomes and embraces that. I agree with pp, I wouldn't leave my child in that environment.