I Hate...

[chely7425]

Breastfeeding. That makes me feel like a horrible mom/person but I hate it. I know it is what is best for him but I hate it. I don't even entirely know why I hate it so much, does it get any better? How often do they normally nurse? Ugh! Am I the only one who feels like this?

[mama_ani]

You are NOT alone there. I hate every single minute of it. It makes me feel horrible and guilty but I really can't stand it.
My LO is nursing every 2 hours most of the day and 3-5 hours at night. I feel like all I ever do is sit and nurse.
I hope some day I won't hate it... I'm not looking for loving it or even liking it, I would just like to not hate it.

[elleystar]

OMFG there are times when I hate it so bad. It makes no sense, because I like and even love it most of the time, once I get past the pain, and I just love having that connection with my LO.
I've noticed that every time I hate it...when I'm swearing at DS and crying...is when I'm totally flippin' exhausted. It's always night feedings when I haven't rested well the day before. And I get this feeling that I just can not stand it one more second if he doesn't stop crying, and if he doesn't f$^@ing latch on right for once, and if it doesn't stop hurting asap. Now granted the pain has gotten soooo much better in the past few days so that might help, but I'm trying very hard to focus on getting some good naps in during the day. I didn't manage it today so I hope I don't have a meltdown tonight.

[Ironica]

I really resented it and didn't like it when DS1 was new. I felt tied down all the time. We had minor latch issues, which meant that there was a good chance in the first few weeks that when he latched on I'd experience stabbing pain and have to unlatch him and keep trying until he got it right (sometimes it took 5-6 tries). I felt like I did NOTHING else. At night, I couldn't get the hang of side-lying nursing, so I sat up against the wall (no headboard) and often fell asleep sitting up nursing him, which was murder on my back and shoulders and neck. For large chunks of the day, he was nursing every 90 minutes for 30-60 minutes... that means I was spending 1/3 to 2/3rds of my time nursing, except for his big naps.

Then, at around 3.5 months, the clouds broke and it got sooo much better. Practically overnight, his efficiency increased dramatically. We went from the above schedule to nursing every 2-3 hours for 10-20 minutes. Heaven!

Also, our latch issues pretty much sorted out by around 4 weeks and we got the hang of nursing lying down around 2 months... so the time issue was the last to resolve. That sudden surge in efficiency around 3-4 months is normal, too... so you can fully expect it.

IOW... it does get better! It can suck... just like pregnancy. But you got through that, right? ;-)

[chely7425]

Thanks guys... I think a big part of it is we ARE still having issues that I don't think have a real resolution... I had my nipples pierced a while back and they didn't heal right when I took them out and it makes nursing HURT a lot of the time, using the nipple shield helps a bit so we use the nipple shield about half the time but then I feel guilty for doing THAT!!! I feel like I just can't win... I don't like nursing him because my old piercings hurt, sometimes it doesn't hurt but when it does I feel bad for using the shield.. and just.. GAH!! I know it is just important that he is getting boob juice, but this seriously sucks and makes me feel like a bad mother!!

[Organicavocado]

Keep with it Chely, I told you it would suck but it gets better. I was right that it sucks.. and just wait. I'll be right that it gets better.

I hated nursing until he was about 5-6 weeks old. Then it just got better and better. Just keep working at getting off of that shield. One day I just said thats it.. no more shield. And got through one whole day. The next day I had to use it once or twice, the next day again without it. It will kill your supply in the end, so work hard at getting off of it.

I know a lot about piercings, and I guarantee that since you are getting him enough milk that they aren't the issue. The scar tissue really shouldn't be causing you pain, I would get someone to check his latch.

You can do this.

[mkmama]

Honest? I hated it for the first year with DS. Hated it. But MOST people, as organicavocado said, do like it after a few weeks.

But I stuck with it for a year until DS self weaned, and am so glad i did, even tho i hated it. I hated it b/c he was so particular, would ONLY nurse at home, was super distractable, and i had thrush.

but as you learn and grow and get more comfortable it will get better!
Now with DD i am so much more laid back that i will nurse anywhere, anytime, and i love it!

in this transition time. AND YOU ARE NOT a bad mother if you never like it, you are an extra awesome mother b/c you are not selfish and do what is best for your LO!

[pixiepunk]

those first couple of months with your first are so challenging. by the time baby is 4 months old, all of this will seem like a distant, hazy memory. hang in there!

When DD1 was born, she had a horrible latch on my left breast. I thought I had worked it out, and eventually did, but not before i got the most heinously cracked nipple ever. it was excruciating every time i tried to nurse her on that side. i ended up mostly pumping on that side for a couple of weeks to allow it to heal a little bit. and because of the crack i had to let my breasts air-dry, so i was basically walking around topless for weeks, i felt like i would never be able to leave my house with my baby and would be forced to live as a recluse (sp?) until she was in preschool but by 6 weeks we were going to 'playgroups' with other new moms at coffee shops, NIP like champs in our ring sling, and loving the freedom we had to leave the house without worrying about bringing anything other than a few spare diapers along.

ITA with elleystar - sleep deprivation has a *lot* to do with it too. everything feels harder and more overwhelming when you're tired. it really does all start to come together after the first couple of months. you're getting more sleep, you and baby are both getting the hang of things and getting into a groove together, and baby doesn't need to nurse as much since his/her tummy is bigger and holds a lot more at a time. it really does get easier. promise! i'm seriously not a glutton for punishment, and i've been nursing non-stop for 5 years now. if you would've told me i'd be saying that when DD1 was 2 weeks old i would've laughed in your face. i was just praying i could make it 6 months!

[chely7425]

Thanks guys... we go back and forth with the nipple shield.. some days we use it a lot and sometimes barely at all. We have had his latch checked and nobody seems to be able to find anything wrong with it!! Maybe I'll see if I can get it looked at again... I guess if we have to keep using the shield then we have to keep using the shield. My doula used a shield with her daughter for the entire 20 months she nursed her. I just feel like I am starting to resent him at times because of all this!! And that makes me feel like a horrible mom...

[ORLY?]

I hated it until I got over not having the perfect bfing experience.
I'm sad to say, that for a week or two ago, I was so angry at him and at myself.
The fact is, the shield works for us, we are still weaning but, hey, my supply is great and he is gaining weight and giving me enough "presents"- what else could I ask for?

Keep up the good work, hon. And trust me, even with the shield- it is still good work.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by ORLY?

I hated it until I got over not having the perfect bfing experience.
I'm sad to say, that for a week or two ago, I was so angry at him and at myself.
The fact is, the shield works for us, we are still weaning but, hey, my supply is great and he is gaining weight and giving me enough "presents"- what else could I ask for?

Keep up the good work, hon. And trust me, even with the shield- it is still good work.

Thank you so much! I know my supply is fine but I feel like a failure because so many people keep telling me that using the shield will ruin my supply and stuff like that... but really, it is the only thing that is allowing me to nurse without wanting to throw myself out a window!

[Organicavocado]

Sorry, we're just trying to keep you from feeling worse by losing your supply. Don't throw yourself out a window

[chely7425]

Don't worry! It hasn't really been you guys... it has been real life people who are saying that I am ruining my kid by using the shield and that if I am going to do that I might as well formula feed him?? How that jump got made I have NO idea!!!! You guys have been awesome I just wish nursing was easier... and Anna, I told you my boobs had issues!! I hope your burns start feeling better!!

[GISDiva]

I hate it, but maybe for different reasons. I've had supply issues from the start and now we're supplementing with formula with an SNS because he wasn't gaining weight. So every time I breastfeed with that stupid little bottle and tube it reminds me of failure. And then I get to go pump, which is another exercise in futility. I know, I know, it's not my fault, but it's hard not to think that way. From my vantage point, be glad you're at least producing enough milk, the nipple shield phase will certainly pass soon, and I bet the soreness will pass too.

Sorry, it's been a rough week...

[ORLY?]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Don't worry! It hasn't really been you guys... it has been real life people who are saying that I am ruining my kid by using the shield and that if I am going to do that I might as well formula feed him??

Yep, people have said the exact same thing to me. :
Stupid people.

[Phoebes*mom]

I hated it with my first as well until about 3 months. It DOES get better. Kudos to all who stick with it when the going gets rough. It's not easy, but you won't regret it! :

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by ORLY?

Yep, people have said the exact same thing to me. :
Stupid people.

Glad I'm not the only one that gets this.... I really don't quite get how people make that jump!!

[3for3hb]

Don't feel bad, chely. I didn't get the chance to read everyone's replies but just wanted to say that I really didn't like it the first time around until he was about 8 or nine months, all chubby and totally pacified by the breast. I had troubles bonding with my first so I think that had a lot to do with it. I liked it much better the second time and this time.
Is there something you can do while nursing that will make it more of a leisurely pasttime than something you dread? I will admit it does take a lot of time out of your day to nurse an infant....
hope I'm helping some at least.

[Jennisee]

Originally Posted by willemsmamma

Is there something you can do while nursing that will make it more of a leisurely pasttime than something you dread? I will admit it does take a lot of time out of your day to nurse an infant....

That's really good advice! I keep my laptop on the arm of my nursing chair (a big, cushy armchair with ottoman), so my nursing time is internet time. I use a Boppy, so once I get him latched on, I have my hands free to use the computer. Some days, nursing is the only time I get to sit down, take it easy, and surf the internet.

[chely7425]

I don't have a laptop and with all our nursing issues I sometimes have one free hand but usually I am using both... I try and find something I like to watch on TV... I am just trying to be thankful that for right now I have enough milk for him and take it one day at a time. I'll keep trying to wean him off the shield but I know I need to try and not put a ton of pressure on us to do it.