What Do You Think About This??

[diamond lil]

*This is long....I'm sorry*

My 8 year old nephew (the same one who stole $400.00 from me a few weeks ago ) had some type of breakfast/poetry reading thing before school one day last week. He told his parents (Dad and Stepmom) about it and gave them the little info sheet on it. Dad couldn't make it because he starts work early, and nephew's stepmom said she WOULDN'T go because she doesn't like to get out of bed until 8:30 or 9 am. Yes, that's right. She has a new baby and does not work outside the home.

Needless to say, nephew was disappointed his parents could not/would not make it but he still wanted to go. So when he went out to wait for the bus, he made the decision to walk to school instead so he could get there in time for the breakfast (NOT a good decision because he lives on a country road and it is a very looooong walk to school, but he's 8 years old and doesn't understand that).

So, a nice lady on her way to work sees nephew walking down this country road (no sidewalks) and stops and asks him what he's doing. He tells her he's walking to school. She picks him up and drives him to school. Thank goodness it was a nice lady on her way to work and not a crazy killer or child molester. So he gets to school alright, but the lady goes into the office and tells the school secretary that she picked this kid up off the side of a country road and that didn't seem right to her (I think she was totally right to do this. I would have done the exact same thing.)

So, school calls Dad and Stepmom to let them know what happened. Dad and Stepmom are FURIOUS with nephew that he did that. OK, it was a bad decision on his part, but I feel his parents really let him down. Obviously, making it to the breakfast/poetry reading really meant a lot to him, so much so that he was willing to walk in order to get there in time for it.

My issue with this whole thing is this: Why the HECK is Stepmom not watching nephew get on the bus everyday? I guess their routine is that she gets out of bed to make him breakfast, then goes back to sleep when he's done. He goes outside and gets on the bus himself. Personally, I think she is being lazy. Yeah, I know she has a baby, but I think it's a little lazy that she doesn't watch to make sure nephew gets on the bus alright.

My DH said that this is all nephew's fault, he did a stupid thing, yadda, yadda. Yep, he's grounded for it. I think Stepmom is partly at fault here. I think that part of her job as a sahm should be to at least make sure her stepson gets on the bus in the morning 5 days a week. Then she can go back to bed and sleep all day if she wants. Just to clarify: she does not suffer from PPD, the baby is healthy, they are not up all night, etc. She just HATES getting up in the morning. She freely admits to that.

I mean, how hard is it to sit on the couch by the window for 10 minutes or so and make sure your stepson gets on the bus? I really don't think my nephew bears all the responsibility for this.

Also, the school official who called after it happened really ripped Stepmom a new one over it, so now she's on the defensive. They said the incident is going into some permanent file. (I have no idea what that means. From what I understand, there is no disciplinary action against nephew; the parents get some sort of bad mark for it. There is already a bad mark in there because Stepmom is often late in picking him up from school. He takes the bus in the morning and gets picked up in the afternoon.) So for once in my life, I agree with a school.

What do you think????? Is an 8 year old old enough to get on a school bus without supervision, or does Stepmom need to get her act together?

[nextcommercial]

Poor kid!

I would feel so bad that it happened, that I don't think I could be mad at my own child. Dad is probably reacting to the embarrassment of being called about it, more than the fear of what could happen.

He should be grateful he got a call in the morning to say his son was at school, instead of at 3:00 p.m to say he never got to school that day.

[psyche]

Stepmom needs to get her act together. An eight-year-old is probably old enough to get on the bus by him/herself *most* of the time, but they're not governed by the same rules of logic as adults. They simply cannot think like a grown-up; hence, trying to walk to school for the poetry thing. (That just breaks my heart!)

I really don't like her.

[Ruthla]

I'm trying to think what I did when my kids were around that age. The school bus currently stops right in front of our house, and either I or my Mom watches DS get on the bus. I don't watch my 13yo get on the bus though- I trust her to do that independently, I'm barely awake yet.

DS was born when the girls were in K and 1st grade, and I always took him out with me to meet the school bus morning and afternoons. Then he was in preschool and I had to drive him as soon as the bus came, so it just made sense to go outside with the girls, get them on the bus, then buckle up DS and drive him to school. After that, I had a kindergartner again but by then he was getting on the bus with both of his sisters. I've never, ever, had just an 8yo without a younger sibling who needed supervision.

For some kids, 8 is too young to get on the bus alone. Other 8yos are ready for that. I'd certainly let an 8yo play outside without adult supervision.

There certainly seem to be problems in this family, but I'd hesitate to label the stepmom as "neglectful" based on her letting an 8yo go to the bus stop alone.

[MommytoTwo]

Stepmom is lazy and selfish. He is 8. Where is Mom?

[choli]

He's 8. He's capable of getting on the bus by himself, he simply chose not to do so.

I don't think an 8 year old needs to be supervised to get on a bus.

[NotTheOnlyOne]

maybe not neglectful of his safety, but certainly of his needs. That recital was obviously very important. Who can tell a child no about something like that????

And in MY opinion..... she should at least watch him from the house. Even if we trust 8 yr olds to wait nicely and get on the bus alone, do we trust everyone else that could drive by? Kids DO get kidnapped. There ARE child molesters in the world.

[diamond lil]

Originally Posted by MommytoTwo

Stepmom is lazy and selfish. He is 8. Where is Mom?

Mom is in another state. She does not have custody, but she does have visitation. He sees her on holidays and for a few weeks during the summer.

[dubfam]

Well I think that he is obviously too young.

I can understand why she might have thought it would be okay, but I hope that after this incident she will start making sure he gets on the bus.

How old is the baby?
Babies are a lot of work, and I wouldn't label her as being lazy for wanting to stay in bed.
It is hard for me to get up most mornings, (bc of my babe) and I am a morning person!

I can certainly understand why you are frustrated with her.
She needs to make herself stay up until after he is on the bus.

How do you KNOW there isn't a PPD issue going on? Many women are in denial about it...
This situation sounds like it could very well be linked to PPD or some other mental health issue going on with the Stepmother.

I feel very bad that your poor nephew is going through this. It sounds like he was left in a situation where he had too much responsibility, and his Stepmom isn't acknowledging how her actions played a part in the situation.

Poor Kid

.

[Viola]

Hmmm...I think personally I'd want to watch him get on the bus, at least until he had done it enough times that I felt like he was OK doing it alone, and then a certain comfort thing would set in and I'd probably start letting him go alone. Would it be laziness on my part? Probably. But it's hard to know, because at 8 years old I walked to the bus stop with my 7 year old sister, and it was a heckuva long way away. When I was 7, we lived in a different place, and I walked a mile to school by myself, sometimes. There were friends walking, but not always, especially if the teacher kept me late for some reason, which happened at least once that I can remember. It's just the way it was, so maybe the stepmom is more used to that kind of thing. Even now there are kids in my daughter's school who walk home by themselves. I always go and pick my child up because I worry about her, but maybe I'm overprotective (although I usually am considered underprotective by most people).

[aurinia]

I think stepmom is in the wrong. How hard is it to at least sit by the window and watch to make sure your nephew makes it onto the bus? IMO, going back to sleep after he eats, leaving him to be responsible for getting everything he needs ready for the day, is just lazy and irresponsible on her part. I have an 8yr old who is fairly responsible for her age, and while she basically does a good job getting her stuff together in the morning, inevitably there is something she forgets or needs from me. And I always either go outside with her or at least watch from the doorway while she's waiting for the bus. Always. One morning not too long after we moved here, she was outside waiting alone (other kids hadn't made it to the bus stop yet) and a man in a car pulled up beside her....as soon as I stepped outside (with large dog in tow), he sped off. I shudder to think what could have happened had I not been watching, to her or ANY kid by themselves!

What he did was wrong, yes, and he needs to be made aware that it is not safe to take off like that...however, its obvious that the breakfast/recital meant a lot to him, and it breaks my heart that he felt so let down by his parents that he felt walking was his only option. Stepmom needs to not be so lazy and selfish.

[Demeter9]

The step mom's lazy uncaring uninvolved attitude towards this child makes me want to puke.

They leave the kids to his own devices, and give little guidance and when he does make executive decisions they slam him like a criminal. I feel so sorry for him.

[Redifer]

I know that in the Buffalo suburbs area, it's mandatory to stand with your child at the bus stop and be waiting for them at the bus stop until they're 12 or 13 years old.

If the parent/guardian isn't outside with the child, the bus driver is not allowed to pick them up.

And his stepmom sounds a lot like my StepMIL, who DH and BIL now cannot STAND because she's incredibly self-centered, me-oriented and selfish. They used to go through this exact scenario as kids daily, because StepMIL wanted to sleep in. She wouldn't make them breakfast, get them dressed, nothing. She repeated the process with her own daughters, and the youngest is about to fail the 8th grade for the 3rd time because of unexcused absences due to StepMIL not getting her butt out of bed and helping her kid get on the bus.

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by Redifer

And his stepmom sounds a lot like my StepMIL, who DH and BIL now cannot STAND because she's incredibly self-centered, me-oriented and selfish. They used to go through this exact scenario as kids daily, because StepMIL wanted to sleep in. She wouldn't make them breakfast, get them dressed, nothing. She repeated the process with her own daughters, and the youngest is about to fail the 8th grade for the 3rd time because of unexcused absences due to StepMIL not getting her butt out of bed and helping her kid get on the bus.

A TEENAGER can't get breakfast and get on the bus on their own??

I suppose she wasn't taught how to be organized and responsible?

I just imagine my boys being more independent at that age...but I am pretty clueless considering my oldest is only 5!!

.

[grumpybear]

Poor kid.

I hate getting up in the morning though but when my child is up, so am I.
She certainly isn't behaving like a mom, for sure (at least to this child).

[Redifer]

Originally Posted by dubfam

A TEENAGER can't get breakfast and get on the bus on their own??

I suppose she wasn't taught how to be organized and responsible?

I just imagine my boys being more independent at that age...but I am pretty clueless considering my oldest is only 5!!

.

No, she wasn't taught. How is she supposed to teach her children to get up in the morning if she won't? How are they supposed to learn how to make themselves something to eat if she takes GrandMIL out to eat (on GMIL's bill) every time she's hungry, or calls for take-out? How are they supposed to learn to get on the bus by themselves when for the entire time they were supposed to be learning how with mom by their side, they were missing weeks of school because mom didn't feel like getting out of bed?

This kid has literally almost failed every single year of school for absences. GrandMIL bails her out of it because she worked in the school district for 40-someodd years, so younger SIL manages to eek by and pass. All because her mother couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to take her to the bus all those years it was mandatory for a child to be accompanied by an adult. Now that she's old enough to be unaccompanied, she feels she doesn't have to because she has learned her mother will let her stay home.

They've had CPS at their house 4 times for investigations because of younger SIL's truancy. StepMIL has had to go to counseling and whatnot, and she does, then just goes right back to her old self.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by choli

He's 8. He's capable of getting on the bus by himself, he simply chose not to do so.

I don't think an 8 year old needs to be supervised to get on a bus.

Me neither.

And I'd go so far as to say that step-mom is NOT mom and doesn't have the obligations to this kid that the father and mother have. If dad wants him supervised getting on the bus, he needs to do it himself or find someone else to do it. If he doesn't, he needs to go over the rules with his son and hold him accountable.

I sure as hell would have consequences for a child who took it upon himself to walk to school when he was sent out to get on the bus.

[becoming]

I feel sorry for this kid for a lot of reasons. Stepmom definitely needs to get her act together. Who cares if 8 is old enough to get on a bus by himself--why wouldn't she WANT to go with him to get on it, if she's a SAHM?

[choli]

Originally Posted by becoming

I feel sorry for this kid for a lot of reasons. Stepmom definitely needs to get her act together. Who cares if 8 is old enough to get on a bus by himself--why wouldn't she WANT to go with him to get on it, if she's a SAHM?

Speaking for myself, because I don't feel that infantalizing my children is doing them any favors.

[becoming]

How is walking with your child to the bus so that he/she doesn't have to go and stand there by him/herself infantalizing in any way? I would walk with my DH to the bus stop just to keep him company, and he's 25 years old. I have a soon-to-be 7-year-old, and I can't imagine him actually WANTING to go by himself to catch the bus in a year's time.