omg I need sibling help

[MommytoTwo]

I was an only child. I dont know how to handle this. DS1 is 5.5, DD is 3.5. They love/hate each other. They always wnt to be together and play but bicker and b*tch and fight NONSTOP. I have a constant headache and I am just tired of it.

I separate them when they really get to me, but I can talk to them about getting along till I am blue in the face, I dont know what to do.

Help!!!

[Sage_SS]

Hmm...

all of mine are two years apart as well. I've been telling them since they could understand that they're sisters are always going to be their best friends. No one in their lives will be as important as their sisters. This didn't stop the fighting, but it certainly has helped since they don't fight very often and when they do its more a "Ugh, you're driving me nuts!" kinda deal. The few times they have gotten into fights I just remind them that they're sisters, that they might argue, but they'll always love each other more than anything. It sounds really simple, but it works!

[Monarchgrrl]

I'm not a momma yet, so I can't speak from that experience, but I still jokingly tell my mother that the biggest thing I remember from childhood is my mom saying/yelling "QUIT BICKERING!!!" constantly! That was her catch phrase. She really DID say it all the time! So, from my own childhood experience I would say the constant bickering and fighting is normal. I remember it so much, that until recently, I was sure that I only wanted one child, just to avoid that constant bickering.

My brother and I were 20 months apart in age and we bickered and fought until we were probably out of high school, even though we still played together, wanted to be around each other most of the time, and really loved each other and were quite affectionate too. He would play Barbies with me and I would build bike ramps with him. We even shared a room until we were around 6 and 8 yrs old.

My mom says that, since all the separating didn't work, she had to just tune it out and ignore it or change the subject and really engage with us, like asking us specific questions that would turn our attention from the pointless bickering. That was easier than fighting with us about it. Sorry, I'm sure that doesn't help, but I just thought I would share my thoughts from being on the other side of it. I so regret now that we made my mom's days so difficult. We had no idea that it was so annoying. We actually didn't even notice when we were doing it.

Beth

[SarahGuinn]

If it gets violent, separate them. Otherwise, let them work it out. You don't want either thinking you're standing up for the other, which is usually the youngest.

Mine at 3.5 and 5.5 as well. Both boys.

[MommytoTwo]

I guess I need to learn to deal with it ... its so funny b/c I wanted a bigger famly (not that 3 kids is huge, but bigger than what I had) b/c our house was so quiet. HA! I do not have that problem now. LOL


Beth, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. How devastating.

[AllisonR]

I highly recommend the book "Siblings Without Rivalry." Some great tips in there.

[leighann79]

My sister and I are 2 years apart and fought all the time. Sometimes little things, sometimes physical fights. Once we were both over 18 we became best friends. We actively avoid anything that might cause a fight now.
"Siblings Without Rivalry" does have some great advice. I try to use some of it with my three.

[JaneAnne]

Maybe spacing has something to do with it as well?

Mine are four years apart and rarely fight with each other.

[BelovedK]

Mine are 4 1/2 years apart and they used to fight awfully. They don't so much anymore, but my son turned 13 and he is mellow. He maintains that he hates her and it breaks my heart , and hers as well because she thinks he is the moon and the stars.

[WeasleyMum]

Sounds exactly like me and my sister: we're 2 years apart as well. We grew up very close, together all the time, but we could switch from playing to fighting-- and back-- in a heartbeat. I think it's just the way close siblings are... we're very good friends *now*. It doesn't surprise me that siblings with a larger gap don't do this so much; they just aren't peers in the same way.

[MountainLaurel]

Originally Posted by SarahGuinn

If it gets violent, separate them. Otherwise, let them work it out. You don't want either thinking you're standing up for the other, which is usually the youngest.

Mine at 3.5 and 5.5 as well. Both boys.

I disagree. Verbal abuse of one another can be just as bad as fists, although this is probably more of an issue for older children.

[neveryoumindthere]

Originally Posted by MountainLaurel

I disagree. Verbal abuse of one another can be just as bad as fists, although this is probably more of an issue for older children.

I agree. I just don't knwo what to do about it. My 5yo SCREAMS at and treats the little one so awful. I feel like I shouldn't let them work it out. It is not acceptable at all.
A simple "stop" doesn't work, and no amount of explaining how it makes dd2 feel works either.

Hoping we'll get more answers.

[guestmama9915]

Originally Posted by SarahGuinn

If it gets violent, separate them. Otherwise, let them work it out. You don't want either thinking you're standing up for the other, which is usually the youngest.

Mine at 3.5 and 5.5 as well. Both boys.

Completely agree. I have 3, one just a baby but the other two fight. I also have 3 sisters growing up. Just let them deal with it without learning that you'll break it up all the time. Obviously if someone is getting hurt or one is much bigger than the other or things like that you need to step in.

Me and my sisters used to fight sooooo much - real, crazy fist fights, pulling hair, biting each other, screaming - to bleeding, even. We're all extremely close and I would give up my life in an instant for any of them.

I think it's a whole other issue if there is not much "love" in the relationship, though. But it doesn't sound like it in this case.