pushing teenagehood younger and younger - Page 4

[MrsCorell]

My son will be 13 in a few weeks. I get surprised looks from people when I tell them he isn't interested in girls yet. I don't understand the shock. 13, imo, seems awfully young to be dating at any rate.

My nieces are both 10 years old and there seems to be trouble finding them clothes that aren't fashioned from Bratz or Hannah Montana. Neither of which are favorable by my sisters. My daughter is almost 2, so I have yet to have issues of that sort yet, but I do find that the older she gets, the more her clothes are looking to be 'trendy' like halter tops or strapless tops. Why would a 2 year old need a halter top? I've started making her clothes to sidestep the issue.

Back to the OP, I do think that our society is decreasing the age in which kids are to act like grown ups and, frankly, that saddens me. We only have one chance to be children and I think they should enjoy it~as children.

[PoppyMama]

Originally Posted by dawningmama

My kids go to pre-teen night at the YMCA and that starts at age 8. We have preteen days with the homeschool group and the min. age for that is 10. I think the numbers are kind of random. I do consider my 8 year old and certainly my 10 year old (who is very into romance and puberty and alla that) at a completely different life stage than my 6 year old. For me, that's what "preteen" is about.

I don't really have an issue with calling 8 year olds pre-teens. I don't see it all that differently from when I was growing up. I don't recall use of the word pre-teen but I did feel like menarche was my entrance into adolescence and that happened at age 9 for me.



Yeah, that.

I was doing a bunch more in 5th grade than my son is doing now because I had a LOT more unattended time. Hours alone with my friends every day without an adult in sight. My kids get hardly any of that. Sometimes I wonder if that is doing them a disservice.

I also had a lot more unattended time as a child and teen and I do feel I'm doing my children a diservice by giving them less freedom. Others think I'm practically negligent though....I think "benign negligence" can be a great parenting philosophy for some (but not all) children. I also think that children CAN be much more sexual creatures than we would expect and I don't think that should either encouraged or discouraged.

[mamahart]

I just had to post that I really believe childhood is only an extension of family and (this gets complicated for me) children should be considered full members with rights and responsibilities in a family. Now I am just working this out but I think ( but don't know..) that if our munchkins are spending more time working at home on projects, chores or academics, there is less time to consider shopping, makeup and men.
I really really do not want to come off as self-righteous- and I am sensitve to the mamas who have punked out little girls as expression of indivuality- I understand this. I don't know. I have to wear cut off leggings under my skirts because it is neccesary for me to atually work at any moment. Even if that work is crawling on the flooor to be a dinosaur. I just see no reason to promote- or maybe even permit- girlhood to be an exercise in being an object of observation as opposed to an active participant. So for me a lot of the "gear" that goes with pre-teenness seems absurd in its lack of utility. Shoes, bras, pants etc etc should provide full motion and ability. Sure I guess if it is 1 hour of stupid shoes and a too short skirt then go for it girl, but I find that these kids then cannot do what I honestly expect from a strong young member of my "tribe" I am not concerned (as much) about what they do do as what they don't do. Or even more disturbing, can't do. If we want our kids to grow up fast ( and I love the concept of more global awareness etc etc) then they potentially be required to accept more responsibility for real life issues. What I see happening is kids hammered by homework, very little actual free time, few household responsibilities and a lot of stress. How can I fix this?????
BTW- the question is somewhat rhetorical.....but I would love to hear from y'all about what you think. Anybody I have offended I apologize in advance.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by mamahart

I just had to post that I really believe childhood is only an extension of family and (this gets complicated for me) children should be considered full members with rights and responsibilities in a family.

If this is true, then you must let them make all their own choices the way that adults do. Imposing home projects, chores and academics is not giving them full member rights. That is still a top-down framework. Does your husband impose those things on you or do you impose them on him? Both of you may want or even expect the other to do things but the other adult always has the option of not doing anything at anytime and doing something else instead.

Originally Posted by mamahart

I just see no reason to promote- or maybe even permit- girlhood to be an exercise in being an object of observation as opposed to an active participant. So for me a lot of the "gear" that goes with pre-teenness seems absurd in its lack of utility. Shoes, bras, pants etc etc should provide full motion and ability. Sure I guess if it is 1 hour of stupid shoes and a too short skirt then go for it girl, but I find that these kids then cannot do what I honestly expect from a strong young member of my "tribe" I am not concerned (as much) about what they do do as what they don't do. Or even more disturbing, can't do.

This is your opinion based on what you want or thing or need. If your children truly have all the same rights as adults in your family or tribe, then they should be able to decide for themselves what they can and cannot do at any given time regardless of what they are wearing. Seems to me that you are deciding what they can and cannot or should and should not do. That's not giving the same rights as you have. That's not really allowing them to be active participants.

[IfMamaAintHappy]

Originally Posted by chfriend

More ponderings...if an 8 year old needs a bra, how is that not a Childhood Years issue...needing a bra does not make the 8 year old a teen or pre-teen.

I recently read that for girls 8 is not considered precocious puberty...so if it's developmentally normal, why not post it in Childhood Years?

The issues an 8 year old will encounter from entering puberty are not the same as an older child encountering the same changes.

Thank you for voicing this! I am having so much trouble finding other moms whose 8 year olds are entering puberty, and have found previous little for myself or my 8 yr old to read that is not directed at children who are entering this stage at 11 or 12! I have been visiting preteen forums on another board when I have questions, but mostly we need to be in the childhood area. My largest concern right now is that while Im only seeing the outward effects of hormones on her body and attitude... I am assuming that just as her body has begun puberty early, she will grow into "being attracted" to others early. ANd I dont have any idea what to think about that.

Originally Posted by boobybunny

My daughter is an early bloomer at age nine. So maybe I am more sensitive than other parents about how she dresses and what she looks like. All that being said, I about blew my cool last Friday at a school function.


My daughter and her entire 3rd grade class was wearing HOT PINK SKIN TIGHT STRETCH pants, and snug white t shirts, pink cowboy hats and white cowboy boots. We were told to put make up on them, with bright pink lipstick. She wears a size 12, her pants were a size 8.

My daughter did not look nine... she looked 13. She is tall, almost 5 foot and weighs only 75lbs. We together have worked very hard at dressing her in ways that hides what is going on with her body.... mostly because she is a small B cup, and getting her mama's wonderful baby hips.

We talk about the wonderful stuff that is going on with her body... and how she is not ready... she wants to still be a little girl.
It kills me that there are mothers who are encouraging, and forcing (my daughter was forced) into wearing outfits that are not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18.

I would be angry too, and I can just see this happening to us!! Grace doesnt want this to be happening to her, and I cant do anything to slow it down. I told her that when others catch up, she will be a pro about it and be able to be such a good helper and friend to them because of her experience. She didnt care, of course, but that is one benefit.

Like my sig says, I have created a tribe for moms of early bloomers, hoping to find others dealing with the things we are dealing with. Just in case youre a mom of a youn pre teen like mine. Grace is a child, she is an 8 yr old. But I think we are in the preteen stage with my particular 8 yr old with raging hormones.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by boobybunny

I about blew my cool last Friday at a school function.


My daughter and her entire 3rd grade class was wearing HOT PINK SKIN TIGHT STRETCH pants, and snug white t shirts, pink cowboy hats and white cowboy boots. We were told to put make up on them, with bright pink lipstick. She wears a size 12, her pants were a size 8.

My daughter did not look nine... she looked 13.

Was this for a performance of some sort? If that's the case, that's pretty normal. When my 3yo son was taking dance classes he was expected to wear makeup for their recital. Many of us parents opted not to put makeup on our kids. (My son wasn't even in the actual recital but that's another story.) If you were that upset, couldn't you refuse to put makeup on her? Couldn't you have gotten her the correct size pants? If not, couldn't you have opted out of whatever it was if your dd was uncomfortable with it?

Originally Posted by boobybunny

She is tall, almost 5 foot and weighs only 75lbs. We together have worked very hard at dressing her in ways that hides what is going on with her body.... mostly because she is a small B cup, and getting her mama's wonderful baby hips.

Why do you feel the need to hide this? No matter how much you talk about the "wonderful" things going on with her body, working to hide them sends an entirely different message, and not one I would want my child getting. Seems to me that sort of thing would just perpetuate the idea that, first, it's not normal for girls to enter puberty at that age, and second, it's something to be ashamed of.

[mamahart]

Mostly in response to MarineWife- I guess the part I didn't emphasize in my post was the responsibility part. I do believe it is my job to educate and protect my kids but I am not naturally very authoritarian. So although I probably wouldn't prohibit my daughter from wearing ridiculous clothing I would definitely let her know that it would not be possible to make her contribution to the family in non-utilitarian clothing. I really don't want to argue about the top-down adult to child paradigm because I think it is actually really complicated.
Sure I CAN do whatever I want but then there are consequences that I don't like- same with the partnership I have with my husband. We do things we don't neccessarily WANT to do all the time, why is it not the same with children? I attempt to think of my kids as equal members with full rights but also with full responsibility, and because I have the responsibility to educate them I give them chore lists. Because they have responsibilities, to the animals/garden/themselves- they feed, water and study.
I also have to admit that my peculiar living situation makes this neccessary and I think easier. If I lived in an urban area I would have a different outlook and lifestyle I am sure. So I am not really advocating my views for anyone besides myself, KWIM?