Thank you for your warm wishes and hugs.
I keep lurking on this board because I don't know where else to go. I have been coming here daily, a couple times a day, since I POAS and I don't know where else to go.
I know how uncomfortable a loss makes other mamas feel and I certainly don't want to be that source of discomfort.....but I don't know where else to go.
I've ordered God to change this....to make my babys' heart start beating again. He has the power, he can make miracles happen whenever he wants. He can make this different.
I think I have convinced myself that the Dr. is wrong and I am going to make him look EVERYWHERE tomorrow before he induces me. This just can't be....
I am scared.....I don't want to go through the merciless, heartless labour that comes with induction....I don't want to see the blood because it means that this is over. I keep begging my husband to do something, to make this baby stay.
Mostly, I don't want to see my baby outside of my body...it is too early for that yet. I want to smell his head, that fresh newborn smell as I nurse him for the first time. I want to put an ornament on the tree that says "Babys' First Christmas" as he marvels at all of the Christmas lights and I unwrap his Christmas presents for him...I don't want to let go of that dream.
I don't want to let go.....