help my kids don't want to go to school

[lilsparrow]

Some of you may remember that I pulled my son from school last month because of circumstances related to bullying. He has been doing great and we are very happy. I also plan on homeschooling my other two children next school year. My husband feels that because the other two have not had any significant problems, that they should finish the next few weeks of school.

The problem is that my *going to school* kids have been flipping out since I started homeschooling my son. They are in K and 2nd grade. EVERY morning they cry hysterically and beg to be homeschooled. My strong willed second grader who up until this point has been dealing with it, has reached her limit and is now trying to sabotage her school. She threatens to do things to get suspended (though she hasn't yet), and getting her to do anything school related is a NIGHTMARE. Truly, I wouldn't mind taking them out too, but hubby is afraid of putting the spotlight on us.

It is breaking my heart to see their genuine anguish. I need a pep talk.

Wendy

[Mom4tot]

(((Wendy)))

Honestly I think it would be easier to hs all of the children. What are your dh's concerns? How many weeks are left?

[ABand3]

Originally Posted by lilsparrow

but hubby is afraid of putting the spotlight on us.

Does this mean he's afraid the school admin will give you a hard time? Did they question you or cause trouble when you pulled the first one out of school?

As long as you are following the requirements of the law, you can pull your kids out at any time during the year, for any reason. If you have your ducks in a row legally, what could happen if you pull them out now?

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by lilsparrow

Truly, I wouldn't mind taking them out too, but hubby is afraid of putting the spotlight on us.

A child acting out in school and doing things to get suspended will certainly put the spotlight on you.

Is your dh around to see that "EVERY morning they cry hysterically and beg to be homeschooled." and "getting her to do anything school related is a NIGHTMARE?" Those things, to me, sound like significant problems. Is your dh okay with this or unaware?

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by Mom4tot

(((Wendy)))

Honestly I think it would be easier to hs all of the children. What are your dh's concerns? How many weeks are left?

He BARELY agreed to pull out our son. He still thinks, about the bullying, that ds needs to learn to *deal with it.* In fact, that is his stock answer for the other children too.

He is still stuck in *what would others think* world. He has promised to be open minded and learn about the benefits of homeschooling this summer, but that doesn't help us right now.

There are 18 school days left ... and counting.

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by ABand3

Does this mean he's afraid the school admin will give you a hard time? Did they question you or cause trouble when you pulled the first one out of school?

As long as you are following the requirements of the law, you can pull your kids out at any time during the year, for any reason. If you have your ducks in a row legally, what could happen if you pull them out now?

No, they didn't give me any trouble. In fact, they told me not even to worry about this years portfolio review because there are so few days left in the school year.

I really don't think anything would happen if I pulled the others out now, EXCEPT the verbal storm that is sure to come from the *others.*

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by SagMom

A child acting out in school and doing things to get suspended will certainly put the spotlight on you.

Is your dh around to see that "EVERY morning they cry hysterically and beg to be homeschooled." and "getting her to do anything school related is a NIGHTMARE?" Those things, to me, sound like significant problems. Is your dh okay with this or unaware?

No, he is NOT around to deal with the crazy mornings or homework tantrums. He would probably deal with it better, because I am sympathetic to their plight and agree with them. He sincerely (but mistakenly) feels they are better off finishing the school year.

[elizawill]

i say pull um'. peroiod.

[kathymuggle]

Does your DH understand that leaving a nasty situation *is* dealing with it? That actually sticking around to be bullied again and again is not dealing with it and far worse? Sometimes leaving is the answer. If he had a horrible, toxic work environement - would he stick it out if he could transfer to somewhere with a nicer work environment? Of course he would transfer! Sometimes we ask more of kids than we do of ourselves.....

As per the OP, I think the following:

If Dh is determined that the kids go to school for the remainder of the school year, then he must have some of the resposibility for getting them there, and dealing with the fall out. I know this is hard for many families due to work issues, but there you have it. I think it is unfair of your DH to have a plan that no one but him agrees to and is causing such strife - but expect you to fully implement it.

IF he cannot share in the resposibility of enforcing his "younger kids go to school plan" - and is leaving all of this to you, then I think you may be justified in saying "no, I am not going to do that".

It is so hard, and I do wish you two could come to a consensus. FWIW - I genuinely do not think the school will do anything about them being withdrawn. Stay within the confines of the law and it's all good.

Kathy

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

If Dh is determined that the kids go to school for the remainder of the school year, then he must have some of the resposibility for getting them there, and dealing with the fall out. I know this is hard for many families due to work issues, but there you have it. I think it is unfair of your DH to have a plan that no one but him agrees to and is causing such strife - but expect you to fully implement it.

I agree.

I've had a time with my youngest wanting to stop school but then she will go back and forth and want to go and then not want to go. We agreed that she and her brother will stick it out for the remainder of the year, two and a half more weeks. It's tough on me too because I hate to see them have to go to a school.

[Ruthla]

If I were in your shoes, I'd pull the kids out of school and deal with your husband's anger afterwards. He's not seeing the whole picture, he doesn't understand that his kids are hurting, and just how much does he think they're going to learn in 18 days of school anyway?

[chaos_pie]

You know, when I was a kid, I always remember that at the end of the year some kids would leave early for vacation. Can you leave two weeks early for vacation and say have a few sick days before then

[Lovenest]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

If I were in your shoes, I'd pull the kids out of school and deal with your husband's anger afterwards. He's not seeing the whole picture, he doesn't understand that his kids are hurting, and just how much does he think they're going to learn in 18 days of school anyway?

[phathui5]

I'd take them out tomorrow, if you haven't today.

Maryland is a good state to be homeschooling in. There are several Maryland homeschooling yahoo groups, lots of co-ops, support groups, etc. If people are going to give you a hard time about homeschooling, it's time to start hanging out with other homeschoolers.

I also agree with this:

If Dh is determined that the kids go to school for the remainder of the school year, then he must have some of the resposibility for getting them there, and dealing with the fall out. I know this is hard for many families due to work issues, but there you have it. I think it is unfair of your DH to have a plan that no one but him agrees to and is causing such strife - but expect you to fully implement it.

If my husband wanted kids in school (and luckily he doesn't), it would be 100% his responsibility to get them there and back, make lunches, help with homework, etc.

[Dr.Worm]

If your kids hate school that much it sure sounds like homeschooling is the way to go..who are the people that your husband is afraid are going to be mad? You're the parents and people are always going to not like something you are doing. You know your children better than anyone else.

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Does your DH understand that leaving a nasty situation *is* dealing with it? That actually sticking around to be bullied again and again is not dealing with it and far worse? Sometimes leaving is the answer. If he had a horrible, toxic work environement - would he stick it out if he could transfer to somewhere with a nicer work environment? Of course he would transfer! Sometimes we ask more of kids than we do of ourselves.....

The two that are in school aren't being bullied. My older one was, but he is home now. They just didn't know they had a choice before. Now that their brother is home, they are howling like banshees to come home too.::

As per the OP, I think the following:

If Dh is determined that the kids go to school for the remainder of the school year, then he must have some of the resposibility for getting them there, and dealing with the fall out. I know this is hard for many families due to work issues, but there you have it. I think it is unfair of your DH to have a plan that no one but him agrees to and is causing such strife - but expect you to fully implement it.

IF he cannot share in the resposibility of enforcing his "younger kids go to school plan" - and is leaving all of this to you, then I think you may be justified in saying "no, I am not going to do that".

You know what? You are absolutely right! He isn't here in the morning to send them off, but he can certainly deal with the homework horrors! Hee hee ... I feel better already!

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by mommy68

I agree.

I've had a time with my youngest wanting to stop school but then she will go back and forth and want to go and then not want to go. We agreed that she and her brother will stick it out for the remainder of the year, two and a half more weeks. It's tough on me too because I hate to see them have to go to a school.

Yep ... counting the days.

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

If I were in your shoes, I'd pull the kids out of school and deal with your husband's anger afterwards. He's not seeing the whole picture, he doesn't understand that his kids are hurting, and just how much does he think they're going to learn in 18 days of school anyway?

Omgosh ... you don't even know how close I was to doing that on Thursday. I was *this close* to putting them in the car and instead of taking them to school, just making a right instead of a left and going to the annex and signing the forms. Your last sentence, even though I hadn't read your post yet, was EXACTLY what was going through my mind! lol

But right before I went out the door, I called my dh. He really didn't want me to take them out, so I suppressed my urge and turned left. I really just haven't had the chance to talk with him yet. It's been a really busy week, and it seems like we have just seen eachother in passing. I figured if they went that day and the next, I would have the weekend to hopefully get some alone time with dh. I'm hoping to be in this for the long haul, and it would won't be good unless he's on board. I'm thinking, maybe I can lose this battle to win the war?

I know he was feeling a little powerless, because I did take out ds in spite of his objections (bullying situtation), so I am trying really hard for his consent, without seeming pushy. My biggest enemy right now is time. Something we will have more of with eachother, if I have my way.

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by chaos_pie

You know, when I was a kid, I always remember that at the end of the year some kids would leave early for vacation. Can you leave two weeks early for vacation and say have a few sick days before then

Yeah ... a PERMANENT vacation!!

[lilsparrow]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Maryland is a good state to be homeschooling in. There are several Maryland homeschooling yahoo groups, lots of co-ops, support groups, etc. If people are going to give you a hard time about homeschooling, it's time to start hanging out with other homeschoolers.

You're right, I need to build a real life support system.

I also agree with this:
If my husband wanted kids in school (and luckily he doesn't), it would be 100% his responsibility to get them there and back, make lunches, help with homework, etc.

Ooh yeah ... make lunches too! (muhahahahaaa)