Will he show up?

[StephandOwen]

Just for some giggles because I'm feeling aweful immature today

Here's a little of the background first.

So, what do you think? Will ex show up on Memorial weekend?

[trinity6232000]

I really want to hope that ex does show up, but. . . my vote was no. I would love to be wrong though.

[cycle]

I voted no too, and I know this will probably not go over well but given his history and inconsistency with (not) seeing Owen it would be better if he just stays out of his life for good. I think it is so much worse for our babies when their sperm donors, (thats basically what my ds's is at this point and what Owen's has been IMO) come in and out every few years when they feel like it with no regard for how its affecting the children. For ds at this point he has no memory of his father, if his father shows up for a visit he will now have a memory. I know his father, it will be another few years before he bothers to see him again, it won't be so easy to explain away to ds and he will begin to feel like it has something to do with him. I have encouraged his father to visit, but with the condition that he schedule two trips at once so I know he will be coming back to visit again in a reasonable time, I also asked him to put together a schedule for the next year or two of visits. That was in January, he never responded. This is a man who works full-time, has a masters degree, lives at home with his mother (doesn't pay rent), does not pay child support or any other expenses for ds, and I offered to split the airfare. He can afford it. I feel the courts do not do enough to protect the children from dead beat dads like my ex and others on this board who go years without seeing their kids and pop in and out without regard for how it affects the kids and as their mothers and protectors we have no power to do anything about. Sorry, off on a tangent.

[lunar forest]

I voted no, but really I'm just jadded.

[StephandOwen]

I'm shocked. Nobody has voted yes?? : LOL!

Just to cover my butt and tracks, I sent the following email to ex's family as well.

"Good afternoon! I hope this email finds everyone doing well.

I just wanted to write a quick message letting everyone know what was going on. This past weekend Matt contacted me via text message asking to see Owen. I hadn't had any plans on bringing Owen back to Michigan anytime soon (since Matt hadn't taken advantage of any of the visits last year). But, since he asked to see Owen, I rearranged all our plans and work schedules in order to get Owen back to Michigan as soon as possible. Owen will be in Michigan over Memorial weekend, on that Saturday and Sunday (May 24th and 25th). I have sent Matt a text message letting him know this and asking him to contact me with what day/time works for him. In addition, if you want to see Owen during that weekend, please contact me so we can discuss when/where.

Thanks and have a good day!

Stephanie"

Now it's out there for everyone. NOBODY can possibly say that I didn't give them a chance to see Owen that weekend.

And if/when ex doesn't show up to see Owen, I can't see how a Judge could possibly be mad at me for NOT bending over and bringing Owen back ASAP next time ex asks me to.

[LoveOhm]

Way to cover yourself! I did not vote because my vote would be NO based on my own experiences with my daughter's dad so I am bias to begin with.

I really hope he showes up and I think it was the right thing to do arranging to bring Owen down there.... I would have done the same thing. (But you are right if he does not show up I doubt I would *keep* doing it)

[GooeyRN]

I voted he won't show up. I think he is feeling guilty about not seeing the boy, thats why he is asking to see him. But he doesn't really want to see him. I think its just so he appears to be caring. I do hope he or his grandparents express desire and follow through with a visit. I really think they will act excited to see him, but then bail again, or simply not even text you.

[DanishMom]

I voted that he won't show up. I've been reading your posts ever since you joined MDC. At some point I took a break from reading here but joined again when I became a single mom a couple of years ago. You and Owen were the ones I remembered most clearly because of Matt.

I'm sorry you need to go through this. What do you tell Owen in advance?

Anne

[StephandOwen]

Ooohhh.... I don't know.... we may have a real contest here! Ex did text me today thanking me for going out of my way to bring Owen back for a visit AND saying he was going to try to take Saturday AND Sunday off work and that he would "keep in touch". So, who knows.

Ex's mom emailed me back excited about Owen coming back and said she wanted to see him, to just name the time and place and she would be there.

Originally Posted by DanishMom

What do you tell Owen in advance?

Honestly? Up until now I don't tell him anything when we go visit Michigan. I tell him that we're going to go see Grandpa (and his aunts and uncles). If I actually think matt might show up then I would say something like "Remember how I told you that you have another daddy who helped make you? Well, while we're in Michigan seeing Grandpa we may see that daddy too. I don't know for sure, we may or we may not see him". Right now he doesn't even really get that he has another male who helped make him I'm actually working on writing him a story about it though, in case the day does come where he does see his bio-dad.

[Jster]

Steph, (first, HI!!!) I doubt he'll show. I'm sure he'll find something big that comes up...maybe his car will break down, who knows, it will be obviously ridiculous.

And I'm not totally sure if I hope I'm wrong...what do YOU think? What do YOU hope?

You are, as always, doing an amazing job.

[firstwomantomars]

I voted "yes" because you just never know:

[Bad Mama Jama]

i voted no because he has been, at best, inconsistent and this seems like his MO. i would love to be surprised if you say that he shows up, but i am keeping my no vote. oh, steph...

[StephandOwen]

Now it'll get interesting.... he actually called! He said he was "just checking" to see if we were still coming. Uhhh.... yeah, haven't backed out on a visit yet, buddy He mentioned he has Sunday off work but has to work Saturday from 1-8 "so I can see Owen either before or after work". Uhhhh.... how about Owen needs to *sleep* at night. Duh. Before is fine He said he would call on Friday to "make sure everything is still on". What?!? Okay, whatever. This is the farthest he's ever taken this visit idea so... who knows....

[Jannah6]

I voted No. Once a jerk, always a jerk:.

[StephandOwen]

Well... quick update.... I sent him a text today suggesting a time and place and he agreed and said he would be there. Huh. I have a feeling he just might show up this time. Might. We'll see.

[Jster]

Well, that sounds promising! I'm sure it's hard...but in the long run, him being an involved father will be best for Owen.

How do you feel? Are you looking forward to the weekend? It'll be interesting, even if he does follow through this time, to see if he continues contact especially if it will involve his own time/travel.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Well... quick update.... I sent him a text today suggesting a time and place and he agreed and said he would be there. Huh. I have a feeling he just might show up this time. Might. We'll see.

OK, I voted "no" after reading the other thread but before reading this update. I'm not sure I would have voted differently.

[JustVanessa]

I wanna know if he showed up!

[mama41]

Does Matt suddenly have a girlfriend? If so, I vote yes. But don't get used to it.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by mama41

Does Matt suddenly have a girlfriend? If so, I vote yes. But don't get used to it.

Hmm interesting take on it, if that is the case then I would say YES too! So odd how new women can make old dogs do new tricks.... lol! (comment made lighthearted not in snark)