Grandpa told me ds can't count!

[robin4kids]

UHG! My father FINALLY brought my 2 boys on a field trip. I do daycare in the home and so i can't take them on any field trips. My 5 y/o came back so happy. Anyway my dad said that my ds needed to work on counting. He was skipping the number 7. My ds just turned 5 and I have not been doing any formal schooling with him.
I HATE when I am told that one of my kids is missing a skill. It is not like he will never learn to count. This only happens when i am hsing my kids. If I call my dad up and complain that my older ds (Who is in school.) just got a 75% on his math test, and that i hate the program they are using, my dad will say very little. :

The other problem is, that i get very stressed over the skill they are missing. I don't want to. I really want to say," screw you, he will learn it when he learns it." I instead stress over it and make myself sick thinking i am not doing a very good job. I am only one person. I can't do it all. Next year all 5 of my kids will be hsed, so you can see i did NOT need any commits of the negative nature from my dad.
Vent Over...I feel better.

[Rigama]

Why is it that people feel free to judge the educational status of hs'd kids but never call into question the status of schooled children? Try not to make yourself sick over this, mama. YOU are your child's teacher, and YOU get to set the pace and tone for his learning environment. You know what he's good at and what his strengths are. I've never met a 22 year old who doesn't know how to count to ten. Skills, counting and otherwise, will come when they come. And when they do come they'll be far more meaningful to him because he is ready for them instead of having them shoved down his throat.

[mommy68]

ugh. It would have upset me. A 5 yr old that misses a number? Give me a break. He has the next 12 years to learn everything he needs to learn. And you are right, grandpa wouldn't have made such a comment if your child were in a school outside the home, whether he counted right or not. :

If I were you, I don't think I'd allow grandpa to take them on anymore field trips in the future. His help isn't worth it IMO.

[Ruthla]

You can't change your Dad's behavior, but you CAN change how you react to it. IMO, the problem here isn't that your father made a critical comment about DS' education, but the fact that it put you into a tizy and you started questioning yourself and stressing yourself out.

You don't need to tell your dad "screw you" to tell him "thanks for your concern about DS' counting skills, but don't worry. He'll learn it when he's ready."

I mean, if you don't share your educational philosophy with your dad, how is he supposed to learn about it?

[momtokea]

Oh, for Pete's sakes!! HE JUST TURNED 5!!!
My 6.5yods has just started within the last few months to make sense of numbers. He went from skipping numbers to being able to count to one hundred and is adding and subtracting easily now. At the age of 5 my son didn't know his numbers perfectly either. Guess what? I have hardly spent any time teaching it to him, he mysteriously got on his own ...

I would have just said: "So why didn't you teach him 7 then?"

But, then again, I'm not known for my tact

[DandK]

Boy have I been there. My ds was practicing his letter writing skills so he wrote a letter to grandpa. Grandpa's response was that his handwriting was horrible and his spelling was cr@p. Nothing encouraging at all. I tried to tell him that we were working on it and it was part of the reason for that assignment but it wasn't sinking in. I just wish he'd realize that his handwriting and spelling was just as bad if not worse when he was in ps!

I think the only thing we can really do is smile and say "he'll get it when he's ready."

[Mom4tot]

Robin

"Who needs 7?" That's cute.

I love your dad BUT....

[robin4kids]

Just to clarify, I have never said, "screw you" to anyone. LOLS But what I meant was, I should not let this bother me and should tell him so. I did say to my Dad that he was not even in Kindergarten and my other kids have skipped numbers too. He knew i was not pleased with him.

Thanks Joan!
Robin

[Dakota's Mom]

Originally Posted by DandK

Boy have I been there. My ds was practicing his letter writing skills so he wrote a letter to grandpa. Grandpa's response was that his handwriting was horrible and his spelling was cr@p. Nothing encouraging at all. I tried to tell him that we were working on it and it was part of the reason for that assignment but it wasn't sinking in. I just wish he'd realize that his handwriting and spelling was just as bad if not worse when he was in ps!

I think the only thing we can really do is smile and say "he'll get it when he's ready."

His handwriting is still worse than Damien's. Tell the boy to write a letter to grandma. Grandma will write him back and love hearing from him.

Kathi

[HikeYosemite]

It's unfortunate that many people, including your father, choose to be critical instead of encouraging to young children. I can see why you felt the "mother bear" defensive response. If he made the comment in front of your DS, it could be deflating to him, esp. if he is sensitive. My parents recently visited and my 9yo daughter, who has dyslexia, shared with me after their visit that Grandma "scared" her when she commented on DD's inability to spell "princess." DD said Grandma told her, "you should know how to spell that!" DD was depressed and embarrassed. For DD, it can be very hard to remember when a word has a soft c, an s, one or two s's, etc. I do try to mention to my parents that spelling is harder for kids like DD, and to tell them about dyslexia, but unfortunately we probably can't change the habits of critical people. I think we can only model positive reinforcement and possibly educate them in a gentle way (can you find some info on how children learn to count and share it with your father, e.g.?) and hope that they might catch on.

My youngest child is an incredibly enthusiastic writer. She is 6 and is writing plays and stories all of the time, and the vast majority of her spelling is invented. If we or someone else commented on all the spelling errors and imperfect handwriting instead of sharing her enthusiasm for the creative process, I'm sure we could kill her love of writing quite quickly. I hope to do my best to limit her exposure to people who would do that, if at all possible.

BTW, don't worry about skipping numbers. My kids first learned to count to 13 (because we had 13 stairs in the house), then they learned to count to 20 but for some reason skipped 13. My son now tests as gifted in math.

Originally Posted by robin4kids

UHG! My father FINALLY brought my 2 boys on a field trip. I do daycare in the home and so i can't take them on any field trips. My 5 y/o came back so happy. Anyway my dad said that my ds needed to work on counting. He was skipping the number 7. My ds just turned 5 and I have not been doing any formal schooling with him.
I HATE when I am told that one of my kids is missing a skill. It is not like he will never learn to count. This only happens when i am hsing my kids. If I call my dad up and complain that my older ds (Who is in school.) just got a 75% on his math test, and that i hate the program they are using, my dad will say very little. :

The other problem is, that i get very stressed over the skill they are missing. I don't want to. I really want to say," screw you, he will learn it when he learns it." I instead stress over it and make myself sick thinking i am not doing a very good job. I am only one person. I can't do it all. Next year all 5 of my kids will be hsed, so you can see i did NOT need any commits of the negative nature from my dad.
Vent Over...I feel better.

[pollyanna]

I wouldn't worry my son skipped 6 when learning to count to ten and skipped 12 when learning to count to 20. I just think he might be saying it in his head and and not out loud. DS loves numbers and often has me count with him to high numbers.

Pollyanna