Cheapest way to divorce but not do-it-yourself?

[ShareBear]

My ex and I split up in December. He moved out right away and at this point my boys and I have settled into our new lives and routines without him. I am very ready to move on so I need to file for divorce already!!

We are communicating well and have been able to come to agreements on almost all of the details--how our finances will be split up, child visitation schedule, child support, etc. But we don't want to try to file by ourselves--we'd like to have someone to walk us through the paperwork, help us meet filing deadlines, etc. and to talk us through the process in case there's anything we're forgetting to do. Also it would be nice to have someone objective tell us if what we're doing is reasonable, as compared to how things are typically arranged (in the "average" divorce, if there is such a thing).

So my question is, what's the best and cheapest way to go about this? Should I just get a lawyer on my own and file? Or should we go through a mediator? We don't really have anything to mediate seeing as we've been able to agree on everything, but could a mediator do what I've described above--walk us through the process?

ETA: my one point of concern is that I want to be able to move across the country next year to be with my family--my ex is fine with the idea now but I suspect that he may have issues with it when the time comes. At this point he says he'll move there with us, but knowing his tendency to procrastinate, I doubt he'll actually be ready by the time I'm ready.

Thanks for your feedback.

[eurobin]

I am in the same situation... we pretty much agree on everything but I want the agreement to say that I can move from the midwest to New England to be near our families. I opted to find a lawyer who deals with collaborative divorces. I think meditation may be cheaper but it's worth a bit more for me to know that she's not trial-happy but she's still looking out for my best interests.

My retainer was $2,800, fwiw.

[NolaRiordan]

I have seen some places that advertise on the web that they will do the "document preparation" for a few hundred dollars. One of them I remember reading sounded like it was basically a paralegal who handled the filling out of forms and filing them. Sorry I can't remember the names of these places. But I believe I got to them just by googling "do it yourself divorce."

[ProtoLawyer]

DIY isn't actually that difficult--my own ex and I did it ourselves, albeit with no children, well before I decided to go to law school. Try googling to see if your state has the forms available online--my state has a great self-help document bank that guides you through the process just as surely as a lawyer could.

That said, you have very good reasons for hiring an outside third party. You don't need a mediator--their job is to help you work through your differences, and you seem to be OK on that. You also don't need a collaborative divorce attorney--"collaborative divorce" is a term of art; it's a very specific process that (in theory) helps parties work out their differences, with the involvement of "coaches," financial specialists, child specialists, without the option of going to court (other than to finalize things). If a collaborative divorce falls apart, you need to start over with new, litigation lawyers. It's a good process for some, but when you just need someone to go over the paperwork, it's way more involved and expensive than you need.

What you need to do is call your state or city bar association, and ask for a referral to an attorney or firm that is willing to do document preparation and filing *only* for a stipulated or uncontested divorce. Chances are, a paralegal or law clerk ($50-$100/hour) would do the actual document prep.

Good luck.

[ShareBear]

Okay, but I need a little bit more than document preparation and filing--I also need someone to give us a little feedback on what we've decided, just to let us know if it falls within normal parameters. I don't want to hand him a gift of more money than he would normally be entitled to, just because I don't know what the norm is, you know?

But at the same time, we're not dealing with a lot of assets here, so if I can save a lot of $$$ by just hiring someone for document prep and filing--maybe that's the best route to take.

I feel so overwhelmed by this whole process. I just find myself thinking, okay, I need to call someone--but who? And I need to let them know what I need them to do for me--but what do I need them to do for me? Okay, let's say I get all that figured out and pick a lawyer--okay, now I need to meet with them, but I work during business hours--so I need to somehow get off work--and then I need to find a babysitter, but my little guy is going through a clingy phase and panics when I leave him, so I know the entire time I'm gone he'll be bawling...*sigh* this is such a headache. I would rather just avoid the whole process, but I really need to move on already.

[sagewinna]

Is there a law school near you? I had a student and her supervising attorney do my divorce and it was a sliding fee scale. They were awesome.

[ProtoLawyer]

Oh, OK--an attorney who just does document prep can more than likely tell you if your agreement is in the ballpark of reasonable. (Generally: When two capable adults voluntarily agree to something, the court doesn't want to mess with it unless there's evidence of coercion or concealed assets or something. So chances are, you're OK.) It probably wouldn't take very long--I'm still a law student and I can spot a patently unfair agreement quickly.

And as for finding time to do this: Many attorneys, especially those involved with family law, do have evening hours; some have toys at the office and you can bring your LO. You can ask when you call.

Hang in there...I know this is overwhelming.

[pranamama]

I would consult with 2 or 3 attorneys to make sure you get a moving allowance that will hold up in court. That is one thing you don't want to be a last minute surprise, costing you a lot more than today's divorce.

[littleaugustbaby]

Our county offers free legal services to people who wish to represent themselves in divorce/custody and other cases. You go to them, and they walk you through everything, and give you advice. You might want to check with your city or county or state to see if you have similar resources available.

[ShareBear]

Thanks for all the feedback, mamas!

I talked to a friend who's been through a divorce and asked for her recommendations. She suggested that I call the Middle Way House for a list of lawyers who are willing to work on a sliding fee scale for low-income women. Well, I guess their list is just for women who are victims of domestic abuse, but they were able to refer me to a pro bono legal services project that might be able to help me.

And it occurred to me that our county does have a legal services program for those with lower incomes. If they only count my income, I should definitely qualify. So I'll be calling them too.

I really don't want to start my life as a single mom with extra debt due to an expensive divorce, you know? So I need to do this as cheaply as possible.

There's no point in asking for a moving expenses allowance in the divorce process, as there aren't really enough assets to allow for that. I'll have to swing that expense on my own--but I'll have a lot of help from friends and family, so I think I can do it.

[pranamama]

in moving expenses, I was referring to being allowed to move. In my state, if you move, you must give notice and your ex can at that point launch another custody battle. Going to court over the issue can cost thousands to tens of thousands of dollars.

[ShareBear]

Oh, I see what you mean. That makes more sense.

Slightly off-topic, but I'm wondering...if my ex doesn't want to let me move, but has no interest in custody, then can he still stop me from moving? I hear that if a judge doesn't approve of a request to move, then he can award custody to the other parent--but my ex doesn't want custody--at this point in his life he is not able to take care of two small children, nor does he have any interest in doing so (he's happy with his short visits, four or five hours max).

[lilyka]

I would get a lawyer. They charge by the hour. The more work you have done going into it the less time your lawyer will have to spend on things and the less you pay.

I don't know if there is anything binding you can do about the whole moving thing.