I agree that it's silly to think a marriage can survive only if the husband and wife are in bed together with nobody else all night every night. But I can't agree with this:
|One hundred percent of what goes on between us and our spouses that builds or detracts from the happiness of our marriages happens during our waking hours, not when we're sleeping soundly at night.
Even leaving aside sex and other forms of bonding that can happen at bedtime and waking up time, thinking just about the time when we're sleeping: Sleeping together makes a difference to people of all ages. While unconscious, we are still aware of each other's warmth, pheromones, maybe even some kind of psychic connection.
In my family, the family bed is in the kid's room, with the master bedroom kept as the place for couple time. EnviroDaddy usually sleeps in the master bedroom, but he was in the family bed with us for the first month, and since weaning he's been able to put EnviroKid to bed himself and sometimes falls asleep there while I go to sleep in the master bedroom. (Now that our kid is so big and acrobatic, it's difficult for all 3 of us to sleep in a full-size bed.) Eventually I hope that EnviroDaddy and I will be sleeping together in the master bedroom as our usual arrangement again. Our 3-year-old still needs someone with him while falling asleep and calls for me if he wakes in the night and I'm not there. He's allowed in the master bedroom and comes in there quite a bit during the day, but he's slept in there only a few times for only part of the night.
There have been many advantages to this arrangement (preserving our couple space, allowing EnviroDaddy to escape sleep disruption from night nursing, transitioning EnviroKid to sleeping alone without simultaneously moving him to a different bed) but I really, really miss sleeping with my partner! Much as I love the baby cuddles, I miss the manly cuddles.
And in the era when my partner and I were not sleeping together ever, we had more moments of not being on the same "wavelength", misunderstanding each other, feeling alienated, than at any other point in our relationship.Starflower1:
When we've had extended visits with family so that we're in the situation of sharing our only private room with our child, we wait until he's asleep and then take a shower together or go for a walk together and find some privacy in the woods.
As he gets older, I expect relatives will want to take him to parks and such without us, and we'll have privacy in our room then.