Am I going over board?

[spookymama]

Hi ladies!

I had a question about what all you ladies think about this..

Because my husband and I grew up with bad eating habits as children, we didn't want that for our toddler. His diet has always consisted of fruits and veggies, whole grains..etc. We've wanted him to learn eat well since he started solids, and not have the habits that we have. Which means that he does not get the things that our mothers fed us at this age. Like ice cream, cookies, candy, take out french fries, soda, juice.

He is going to be two in june. A few of my friends and family are really giving me the riot act because we do not plan on having a traditional cake. We didn't do this for his first birthday either. It was an organic carrot cake that used zero refined sugar. Now that he's two, my friends are putting on the pressure to give him a real cake.. with real sugar.

I am sure the real sugar wouldn't "hurt" him at this stage, and I know that he will have it sooner or later. I guess I still feel like he's too young. He's got a life time ahead of him for these kind of foods. I don't see a whole lot of reason to start him on it now, especially when he doesn't know what he's missing yet.

Do you ladies think I am going over board here? Should I lift the ban on sugar for a day?

[aprilibarra]

this is my opinion...and i am by no means an extremist...the people who say "Ah, just let him have this or that!" are usually not the pictures of health that they ought to be. Cake is a bunch of things that are exceptions to health...sugar, hydrogenated shortening...food coloring.
that said, i'm one of the few that will not cut out sugar completely. if a recipe can have raw honey instead, like whipped cream frosting, then do it. if i can compromise and put less sugar in with maple syrup or barley malt or honey, then i will. chocolate, honey, and cinnamon are wonderful together and don't have the insulin reaction that just sugar will. Adding raisins and dates sweetens quite a bit.... your son's palate has been defended thus far, i don't think the full spill of sweet is necessary. its his b-day.
now when it comes to other's parties i'm a lot more permissive. if not eating it will separate them, then i allow the eating because of my Christian faith. this doesn't mean that i don't limit it. if they want cake, then they will have to only have one piece of candy. if they want cake, then they have to eat protein first.
if you really think this is important you're going to have to put in the work and you're going to have to stay strong without being defensive. this is your child and you need to do your best to provide the best care. you're always going to get it, but then people are wowed when they see your kid eating vegetables.

[snowbunny]

While real sugar probably wouldn't hurt him at this stage, it's also certain he doesn't need it. I don't see what the big deal is about offering an alternative. He probably wouldn't even care for super sweet cake at this point anyway because his tastebuds aren't adjusted to those processed foods.

[AJP]

I don't think you're going overboard. He's two, and you're his parent, your family and friends should butt out, no matter what kind of cake you want to serve at his birthday party. Maybe they feel judged by your choice of healthier food for your child, that tends to make people feel defensive and want to bend you to their ways (subconsciously, not saying they're being malicious, and not saying that you're being judgmental, just that people tend to take it as a condemnation of their choices when someone makes different choices).

[tanyalynn]

Maybe they feel judged by your choice of healthier food for your child, that tends to make people feel defensive and want to bend you to their ways (subconsciously, not saying they're being malicious,

Good point. There's no compelling reason to add sugar to a kid's diet (says someone who has guilt about the remaining sugar in our diet). It's not like your kid's sad every day because he doesn't get anything tasty to eat, right? And you're making something special, even if it doesn't conform to their ideas of what special means. Friends mentioning a regular cake vs. the one you're planning is fine, but "giving (you) the riot act" is way too involved in your life, and sounds more like their issue than yours, IMO. I'd try to say thanks for your concern, I'm happy with our decision.

[Attached Mama]

We don't do sugar around here - well almost none. Our dd will be 3 in July. For her first b-day I let her lick the beater of some cream cheese frosting that had sugar in it. She got barely any and seemed to be ok. The cake, which she had maybe 3 bites of, had maple syrup not sugar and she had about 2 baby bites of organic ice cream. It was all too much for her and she ended up having a tummy ache for about 20 or 30 min, then throwing up and then falling into an exhausted sleep. I felt so sad.

Even now, too much sugar will make her hyper and make her have nightmares. For example, last night some friends were over and they went out to get some organic icecream sandwiches. Dd had 3 bites, that's it. Early this morning her sleep was very fitful, whimpering and fussing in her sleep. Sugar does that to her.

For you son, never having had sugar, it could have a strong affect on him. Introduce it very slowly when you finally do. And for his birthday, it's his birthday not everyone elses. Make the kind of healthy sweet treats that he likes.

Two funny things - last year everyone raved at Helena's second birthday about the carrot cake that was made with whole wheat flour and no sugar. And at a recent friend's b-day party our dd brought some freeze dried peaches to snack on. She shared and the kids all loved them. I personally am appalled when I see 1 yr olds eating candy - like gummy worms. Ugh!! At this party the kids thought dd's peaches were just as yummy as the gummy worms - maybe more.

At birthday parties and other events, we usually bring Helena her own snack or else feed her a lot beforehand and tell her she can have a piece of maple candy afterwards, or bring a snack she can share. Rarely do we allow her a piece of cake.

[tinuviel_k]

Ignore you friends: they are feeling defensive and insecure. Sure, having white flour and sugar for a day won't hurt you son, but it WILL set him up to start wanting those foods as soon as he eats them.
I'm sure you will make him a wonderful birthday treat that he will find absolutely delicious. There isn't some "birthday law" that states that it has to be bad for you, too!

[spughy]

Among my friends - most of whom aren't even on the TF bandwagon - mostly whole-wheat carrot cakes are de rigeur for children's birthday parties, usually with cream cheese icing that DOES have sugar, but not terribly much. Fruit cakes are becoming popular too - or mini fruit pizzas. Almost nobody does the nasty sugar-laden hydrogenated icing cakes because at least half the kids and many of the adults wouldn't eat it. This is not to say that those cakes don't exist here, but they're no longer the ONLY option.

Stay strong. Make a fabulous carrot cake, cut it into a cool shape and maybe even break out the food colouring for the icing (you can make good creamcheese icing with honey btw). Start a new trend, tell your friends that all the cool kids in the cooler parts of the country are doing it. Tell them that the sugary cakes are just SO 1980s and you are way over that.

[Bensmommy]

Post those carrot cake recipies ladies!!!!!!!!!! Love to have them for my arsinal (sp?).

Follow your gut- your kid, your family, your rules! If he's not used to processed stuff and sugar, then you're asking for a bad tummy ache for a birthday present (with some fun poopy to follow!).

[gardenmommy]

I would say you are not going overboard. He is two, he will not care what his cake looks like. Birthdays at that age are really more for the family that want a party than for the child.

Having said that, I do make a "junk cake" for my birthday parties, because that is what my DC want; they get, to a certain degree, whatever they want for food on their birthday. IME, however, children who are accustomed to eating primarily good food don't really like the junk food. They like the *idea* of junk food, but not necessarily the way it tastes. They will eat a little of the cake or other junk, but not much because it doesn't taste good to them.

I caved to the pressure for DC2's first birthday party and made her a junk cake. She took like 2 bites and wouldn't eat any more. DC1 wouldn't touch the cake at all for his first birthday (and it was a very healthy one).

Do what you want to do, regardless of what other people think, unless you risk totally alienating your family. You could always have a good cake for those who care, and a yucky one for those who don't.

[Attached Mama]

FYI - if anyone wants food coloring and sprinkles....

Select 100% natural food color is just that - 100% natural. Red Strawberry color is nothing but black currant juice concentrate

Let's Do Sprinkelz brand natural dessert toppings makes confetti sprinkles with organic evaporated cane juice, organic corn malt syrup, water and natural colors (extracts of seeds, veggies or fruits)

They are fun for coloring the cream cheese frosting or even for occasionally decorating some sugar cookies

Also, for Valentines, we made gingerbread cookies (instead of sugar cookies) sweetened with maple syrup.

For frosting, I blended cream cheese with a bit of milk and some strawberries for coloring. I had to add extra milk to make it blend in the blender. Then it was too runny so I added some banana. It was sweetened with honey. All of our friends were raving about how good it was and wanted the recipe.

Don't remember what carrot cake I made last yr - will have to look for the recipe.

[paquerette]

Nope, do what you're doing. The time will come soon enough when he'll find out about those things and want and demand them. Continue to enjoy his toddlerish innocence of all things sugary.

[RAF]

I don't think you are going overboard. We don't do refined sugar, unless it is in a ferment to feed bacteria. We do the natural sweeteners for our older kids but don't usually even do those until several years old. Fruit is usually the sweetest thing we give our kids until they are a few years old.

[Metasequoia]

Originally Posted by tinuviel_k

Ignore you friends: they are feeling defensive and insecure. Sure, having white flour and sugar for a day won't hurt you son, but it WILL set him up to start wanting those foods as soon as he eats them.
I'm sure you will make him a wonderful birthday treat that he will find absolutely delicious. There isn't some "birthday law" that states that it has to be bad for you, too!

:

[homewithtwinsmama]

I am one who strongly feels that kids reject what you teach them if you are so rigid you don't let them have the occasional treat that isn't part of your family norm - particularly when with their friends. BUT, that is at the point where they see that they are doing things differently and ask for some of what others have. Your son isn't missing it so no reason to introduce it yet.

My kids have grown up all organic for 10 years, TF for the last five years, but we have a rule about how we eat right most of the time, but when we are with friends or are offered something away from home they are welcome to have some. I have two ten year olds and they have a very healthy attitude about eating right and treats in moderation. I have a couple friends whose kids go nuts when they aren't looking or outright reject the way their parents eat as they have gotten older. I wanted to avoid that.

[prana]

No way! There are so many things to enjoy in life. Cake really doesn't offer much enjoyment and it most certainly is not "good" for you. Many people that are overly indulgent on cakes and the sort try to get the buzz from food and sentimentality and not off of loving their life.

[spiderdust]

Do they think your son is really deprived? Or is it that they want that kind of cake themselves?

As far as I can tell, your son hasn't asked for a sugary, white flour cake. Bake the kind of cake you want to give him, and let them get their own cake on their own time.

[mama_y_sol]

nah...i think the carrot cake sounds pretty darn good....and i bet a lot of love went into it. i'dstick with that!

[spookymama]

Thank you so much for your input ladies!

I guess some of my friends and family (mostly my mom) make me feel like i am extremely strict, and that I am going overboard. Because to them, it is "just one day" or "just a bit of sugar". I do believe in moderation, but it's a hard line especially in toddler phase to understand moderation (even adults!). And also, once you've crossed that line that they've eaten those foods, it's certaintly easier to give it to them.

Luckily, we haven't had to deal with other friends birthday parties yet. I think I will try what another poster suggested.. filling him up first! But as he gets older, I dont have a big issue if he shares with his friends... just not at this point. We are really hoping that since he eats this way, he will grow up with these preferences for healthy over junk.

And yes spider.. they do think that I am depriving my son. Well, at least my dad. I can not tell you how many things I have caught him almost sneaking my son, to the point i won't leave the room to go to the bathroom if my dad is there. Food is a pleasure to him, and one i guess he feels my son deserves.

I am really starting to look forward to carrot cake this year! Thank you all again for your support and imput!

[fridgeart]

We have the same issue is our families-they think we're crazy for restricting E's diet to healthy, nutritious, whole foods and for following a vegetarian diet. (???) We feel like this is our window of opportunity to get her palate acclimatised to good foods, and as she's growing/developing so much, why fill her with garbage?
Anyway-you have to do what you feel is right. Our family has totally backed off in the last little while, especially as they see how well she's doing. We did an organic carrot cake with cream cheese icing, and used honey/apple sauce to sweeten for her 2nd b-day. It was fine!
E is almost three and we've definitely let her have a little bit of sweets here and there since about Christmas. She knows it's limited to special occasions, and doesn't really ask for it outside of parties (she knows we don't have any chocolate, etc. in the house.) or holidays. We're trying to follow the best diet we can 95% of the time, and 5% of the time (parties, out for dinner, special occasions), she can have some "junk".