ThanksI wanted to say thank you all for your comments and advice. Part of my reaction I know was due to the fact that hormones levels are high and tend to make me quite emotional when pregnant. I was upset at her, but as many pointed out at least she was willing to stand upfor what she believed was a child being injured. Whether she was right or wrong, at least she was willing to take that step forward where many would not, and maybe one day she will truly be able to help a child who was in a bad situation.
Many have asked why I did not carry him out, well the more pregnant I become, the more I am encouraging the older two to walk when they need to get somewhere. Had he been hurt or truly needed consoling I would not have hesitated tp ick him up and carry him, but in this situation I felt it fine to have him walk from the restuarant.
As for all those worried about the amount of time that we ask children to sit still at the table, that day was 25 minutes from start to finish. We have a system and I find it works well. One of us keeps all 6 kids outside where they can run around in the grass and be noisy while the other goes inside, gets a table, orders drinks and meals, and puts out the kids toys, coloring books and fruit that we bring them to eat first. That way by the time we sit them down their food is usually never more than 10 minutes behind their arrival at the table. We left the resturant 25 minutes after we sat the kids down, and they had ample opportunity to run off energy as we went to lunch after having had them at the park for over an hour. I would never expect a child to sit longer than 30 minutes without a break and never would ask them to sit if they had not had the opportunity to expand their natural energy first.
For all of those of you that follow a very strict policy of not using "no" and do not use time outs and so on, congratulations to you. That does not stictly work here. We have 4 things that will earn you cool down time and one of those is hitting. Had his only problem been the standing in the chair, I would have just rearranged the rest of teh table to put him next to me so that I could constantly remind him that we sit in chairs, and that they are for our tush not our feet. But when he escalated it to hitting, that is when he needs to me removed. Following the fact that many look at it as a time out, I do seperate him from the situation, but at no time do I seperate him from myself. He just needed to cool down, and then he could talk about why he needed it and then he could tell me when he was ready to go back in, and that is all it took to calm him for the rest of the meal. No screaming, no yelling, no harsh words, or threats, and no breaking of his spirit, just a gentle reminder of appropriate behavior.
Also for those that felt that maybe he was hitting an age to not go out to eat anymore, I say bologna to that. How can you expect a child to know how to act somewhere if you are not willing to put them in that situation and show him how to act? Kids just don't one day wake up and know how to behave in public. If I never took the kids out to eat until they were older, they would do the same things they do now, as they would be testing new limits in a new enviornment just at an older age. We have taken them out from the time they are babies, and will continue to do so forever. And adding a new one to the mix will not change anything, as an unhappy baby can be easily consoled just by nursing ( which I have no fear of doing in public, no matter the stares) .
Thanks all again, it was great to read all of your comments and really made me confident in the way I handled the accouser, and I was confident then and still am now that I did the right thing for my little man.