Opinions on my story please!

[StephandOwen]

DS has been mentioning "daddy" lately, in referrance to my dp (up until now he's called him "Jason", but he's noticing more and more that the other kids at his daycare call the male figure who picks them up "daddy", so he started with that too. He doesn't call Jason "daddy", but if you ask who his daddy is he says Jason). At this point in time, DP and I are comfortable letting ds lead, but we are not pushing that in any way (if anything, we're leaning in the opposite direction). We NEVER want ds to be surprised to learn that dp isn't his bio-dad.

So I've been writing a story for ds, trying to explain the situation. I've written stories for him before and he LOVES them. He carries them around reading them for a long time. He still has the one I wrote about going to the hospital for his surgery

Anyway, I'm not going to put all the pictures in here since they have other people in them, I'll just do the words

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My Family

Hi! My name is Owen!

~Insert picture of Owen~

This is a story about my family. I have a lot of people in my family who love me very much.

~Insert picture of 2 hearts~

Before I was born, my Daddy Matt helped put me in Mommy's belly, where I grew and grew until I was ready to come out.

~Insert picture of pregnant mommy~

When I was all done growing in Mommy's belly, I came out. I was really little. I loved to suck on Mommy's finger!

~Insert picture of 1 week old ds sucking on my finger~

My Mommy and Daddy Matt love me very much!

~Insert picture of mommy, daddy matt and Owen in the hospital right after birth~

Sometimes when babies are born, their Mommy or Daddy isn't ready to be a Mommy or Daddy.

My Mommy was ready to be a Mommy and she takes care of me every day!

~Insert picture of Owen and Mommy~

My Daddy Matt wasn't ready to be a Daddy yet, but he still loves me! Some day I might see my Daddy Matt, and this is okay! I can say hi to him or talk to him if I want to.

~Insert double heart picture again~

When I was 3 years old, I saw my Jason for the first time. My Jason is part of my family and he loves me too!

~Insert picture of ds and Jason~

My Jason does lots of fun things with me. He takes me swimming.

~Insert picture of ds and dp in pool~

He plays soccer with me.

~Insert picture of dp and ds playing soccer~

My Jason holds me when I'm hurt or I want to talk.

~Insert picture of ds laying on dp on the couch~

My Mommy and my Jason love me very much!

~Insert picture of Mommy, Jason and Owen~

Sometimes I may think my Jason is my Daddy. This is okay! My Jason does a lot of things a daddy might do. Sometimes I might want to pretend my Jason is my daddy. This is okay too! It is okay to have 2 Daddies that love me!

My Daddy Matt will always love me, even if I can't see him right now.

My Mommy and my Jason will always love me too!

If I want to talk to Mommy about my Daddy Matt, I can! My Mommy will talk to me about my Daddy Matt any time I want to!

I am a very special boy and have many people in my family who love me!

~Insert picture of Owen~

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Whatcha think? Anything I should add/change/remove?

[MsChatsAlot]

I love it as much as I love you Steph!!!

You still amaze me and inspire me!

It's beautiful.

[plenilunio]

i wouldn't change a thing.

so creative and full of love!
(p.s. i think you are awesome)

[PoppyMama]

That's wonderful. What a great idea!

[ErikaLeigh]

I love it and totally plan on doing it for me niece and nephew when they get a little bit older.

[WatermelonSnow]

What an awesome thing to do for Owen, Steph! You are a super mommy for him !

I would change one thing. I would take out the word "pretend" and use language more like "I may want to call my Jason Daddy." Their relationship is very real, and that would also support the fact that you guys are letting Owen lead the way in this.

[wemoon]

I totally love this! What a great way to help explain the organization of his life. I agree with watermelon about the rephrasing of that statement.

[BelovedK]

that is so sweet, you really are the best mama for Owen

He will treasure that always, I am sure.

[StephandOwen]

Thanks everyone!

WatermelonSnow- that was the one part I was stuck on. I couldn't think of a way to rephrase it... duh. LOL! Thanks!

[Jyotsna]

You are awesome!

Steph,

I think you are great. I am struggling with the opposite problem right now. One of my dd's does not have a father. I adopted her and the other two have a dad. My ex agreed he would allow me to
adopt my daughter without him, during the finalization of her adoption.

So sometimes (but not often) she starts saying she doesn't have a daddy.
The other two do, and it is so painful for me to see her in pain. I have been searching for someone to include in my life and hers, as my husband and her daddy. I'm involved with someone, and we may very well get married, but no promises have been made yet. So I can't tell her about this situation.

Meanwhile, I am struggling to help her feel good about herself. Since you are so amazing, and I do mean that, do you have any ideas? I'd love to paint a future daddy for her into a story, but affraid if it didn't work out, she would be doubly crushed.

Meanwhile, she loves being an "only child" on every other weekend.

[StephandOwen]

Does your dd know she's adopted? Maybe start the story off about how there was a man and a woman who made her in the womans belly. When she was born, the man and woman weren't ready to be parents so they looked and looked and finally found the perfect Mommy for her. The man and the woman and the Mommy love her very much and want her to have the perfect daddy so they are looking for him! Maybe include something about how Mommy goes on dates because she wants to find the absolute perfect daddy for her. "Mommy's friend *x* (whatever she calls your SO) can be my friend too!" I would just be careful about drawing a connection between any certain man and "daddy", just in case it doesn't work out.

I'll come back to this in the morning. I got very little sleep last night (Owen was up ill all night) and I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open until dp gets home so I'm not at my best thinking right now! :yawning:

[mikaela]

This is a really great idea

[violet_]

That is really beautiful, and such a great idea! Thanks for sharing it!

[LoveOhm]

Steph I love that you are doing this for your little man, he is so very lucky to have you!!!

One critique, the part about parents sometimes not being ready to be a mom or dad.... and that Owen's dad was not being ready to be a dad. While this is true I feel conflicted about the wording of this.

[pranamama]

I love it

[BabyBearsMummy]

Steph I love it.

I would take out the work pretend too.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

Steph I love that you are doing this for your little man, he is so very lucky to have you!!!

One critique, the part about parents sometimes not being ready to be a mom or dad.... and that Owen's dad was not being ready to be a dad. While this is true I feel conflicted about the wording of this.

Do you (or anyone) have any other suggestions on how to explain to a (developmentally delayed) 4 year old why his bio-dad isn't around? That was the best thing I could come up with that would let him know that he is still loved and that HE didn't do anything to make his bio-dad leave. As he gets older, I also don't want him thinking that his bio-dad isn't involved because of ds's special needs.

[Bad Mama Jama]

that is so sweet, steph and that almost made me misty. i think it is an excellent explanation for a child and i need to get to work on one for my dd.

[littleaugustbaby]

I think it's beautiful! I have tears!

I've always followed your story, partly because our kids are so close in age. You are so very strong and inspiring!

[Zeta]

This is great, Steph.

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

Steph I love that you are doing this for your little man, he is so very lucky to have you!!!

One critique, the part about parents sometimes not being ready to be a mom or dad.... and that Owen's dad was not being ready to be a dad. While this is true I feel conflicted about the wording of this.

Me, too. I think it's unecessary. I think it's an interpretation of the dad, that even though it's pretty non-judgmental considering the circumstances, it still may call more attention than necessary to the dad's shortcomings, and also may inadvertently mystify it a bit more, because, hey, why wasn't he ready to be a dad?

I personally would stick with something really descriptive, plain facts. Like, "I used to live with Mommy and Daddy Matt. Now I live separate from Daddy Matt. Daddy Matt lives with his Mommy (because he never managed to grow up! And that's okay! --just kidding ) in {{whatever state}} (picture of Daddy Matt with his Mommy/ or picture of their house) and I have visited him there before. Now I live with Mommy and my Jason (because Jason is a much better father figure for me! --just kidding again) in {{whatever state}}, etc etc.