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Was I being petty?

post #1 of 103
Thread Starter 
My sister called me tonight to find out what I was doing (cleaning out the kids' dressers of all the stuff they've outgrown). When she heard I had a garbage bag out of my DS's room, she said "oh, can I have it for ____, they could really use them and don't have a lot of money." These are a couple who had a baby boy on May 7, and managed to find a way to pay to have him mutilated this week.

It's been on my mind all week, that poor baby boy with that awful, fresh wound. Without even thinking, I told my sister "no, they can't have any of DS's stuff. If they can afford to have cosmetic surgery performed on their son's penis, they don't need hand-me-downs from me."

My sister told me I was being petty and that it was not my place to "judge" them for deciding to circ. I think it's my right to do what I want with my LOs outgrown clothes, and I'd rather donate them to charity than give them to a couple that I took the time to show a ton of literature to, and who still opted to do this to their son.

Fortunately, they are only the third couple I know who've circ'ed. Meaning the intact boys are WELL in the majority around here.
post #2 of 103
I'd have probably had the same reaction that your sister did, but at the same time, it's your choice to do what you like with your stuff.
post #3 of 103
You have every right to give or not give away your clothing, but your reasoning is petty. If they were asking for money to get the procedure done, that would be a completely appropriate response, but the circ and the clothing are too unrelated to try to connect them, IMO.

I'm sure others will disagree.
post #4 of 103
Thread Starter 
I think I reacted the way I did because I keep hearing how the mom can only take 1 month off work because they can't afford to make ends meet on maternity benefits (55% of wage), how they are barely scraping by. Yet somehow, they come up with $300 to pay for a circ? In my mind, if they can come up with that kind of money...

I've just been frustrated because I provided so much information to them when I found out that they were planning to. Especially being here in Canada where the rate is so low, why did they do that to their son?? I was tempted to offer to put an equal amount of money into an education fund for their DS if they would leave him intact.
post #5 of 103
I don't think it's unrelated. If they chose to spend money on an unnesissary and harmful surgery rather than on kids clothes or whatever, that's not the op's fault. I feel strongly about circ as do many here and I do judge. I'm not afraid to say that.
post #6 of 103
It is your choice, but your reasoning is illogical.
post #7 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan View Post
I don't think it's unrelated. If they chose to spend money on an unnesissary and harmful surgery rather than on kids clothes or whatever, that's not the op's fault. I feel strongly about circ as do many here and I do judge. I'm not afraid to say that.
:
post #8 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan
I don't think it's unrelated. If they chose to spend money on an unnesissary and harmful surgery rather than on kids clothes or whatever, that's not the op's fault. I feel strongly about circ as do many here and I do judge. I'm not afraid to say that.
Exactly! I think I would have reacted the same way. However I also would have reacted the same if they had just purchased a $300 TV or camera or something equally unnecessary, but claim not to be able to make ends meet.
post #9 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Em~ View Post
You have every right to give or not give away your clothing, but your reasoning is petty.
Really?

How so?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
It is your choice, but your reasoning is illogical.
Really?

How so?
post #10 of 103
I don't think it's petty or illogical at all.

I would flat out refuse to donate clothing or any other baby items to parents who circed their child.
post #11 of 103
I totally understand your anger and frustration and feel you are totally justified in that regard, however; if it were me I would still give the clothes to their child. I would think of it as a gift to him, not to his parents. My SIL and BIL use To Train Up a Child on my sweet nephews (they circ'd them too, and while both upset me, the former is what breaks my heart the most) but I still send them presents. I don't think I could bring myself to support the parents or give them anything more than a holiday card, but I am happy to send gifts to my nephews, I don't want to punish them for their parents cruelty and stupidity.
If I were in your position though, where the child involved is an infant I suppose my actions might depend on whether or not he actually did need clothes (like if he had very few things to wear), even if the reason for his need was his parents preference to spend money on genital mutilation. I guess since it's not his fault, I would give them to him if he needed them. However, I don't know the situation, and you can do what you want with your kid's stuff. If you don't feel right about it you don't feel right about it.
post #12 of 103
Are you trying to punish the parents and the child? What good is your reaction doing? Petty is a good word for it.
post #13 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanelleB View Post
Exactly! I think I would have reacted the same way. However I also would have reacted the same if they had just purchased a $300 TV or camera or something equally unnecessary, but claim not to be able to make ends meet.
Yes, to all of this! But as someone who really has been broke before, folks spending money on "extras" while claiming to be "broke" is one of my pet peeves They can do whatever they want with their money and that's fine with me, but I'm not going to believe that they're truly broke if they're eating out, buying new TVs, or getting tattoos/cosmetic surgery while claiming to be broke.

Then again, people give me hand-me-downs and I'm not broke (nor do I claim to be) So I don't know.

love and peace.
post #14 of 103
I can see where you're coming from but why punish the baby? It's not his fault he was circed, and he will be the one wearing the clothes.

If you give the clothes to charity how can you know who will receive them and whether or not they've circed?
post #15 of 103
I don't see how it's "punishing" the baby to not give the baby free clothes that belong to her. Unless the baby is going to be butt ass naked if the OP doesn't hand over all of her clothes, that's just a ridiculous accusation. It's not like they share a rare blood type and he needs a transfusion from her

I don't think you're being petty or illogical. It was selfish of them to put a cosmetic procedure ahead of their child having CLOTHES. You're not obligated to give them anything.

Sell the clothes and donate the money to an anti-circ group
post #16 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
I don't see how it's "punishing" the baby to not give the baby free clothes that belong to her. Unless the baby is going to be butt ass naked if the OP doesn't hand over all of her clothes, that's just a ridiculous accusation. It's not like they share a rare blood type and he needs a transfusion from her

I don't think you're being petty or illogical. It was selfish of them to put a cosmetic procedure ahead of their child having CLOTHES. You're not obligated to give them anything.

Sell the clothes and donate the money to an anti-circ group
:
post #17 of 103
I think it's petty for you to tell her that but I think it's justified, kwim?
post #18 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
I don't see how it's "punishing" the baby to not give the baby free clothes that belong to her. Unless the baby is going to be butt ass naked if the OP doesn't hand over all of her clothes, that's just a ridiculous accusation. It's not like they share a rare blood type and he needs a transfusion from her
Did the OP or did the OP not ask for opinions? I read "Was I being petty?" as a question to be answered. Maybe my reading comprehension is off.

I didn't say anything about other commenters, just voiced my opinion, which was asked for. Any time you ask for opinions you should be prepared for ones that differ from yours, and I don't think I should be considered "ridiculous" because I disagree with your feeling on this.

The OP is in no way obligated to follow my opinion or yours -- she's going to feel the way she feels, and that's fine.
post #19 of 103
If they can't afford to take care of their babys basic needs (ie: clothes) but they can afford to circ him then why do they deserve any handouts? They could come up with $300 in circ money but not clothes money????
post #20 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
I don't see how it's "punishing" the baby to not give the baby free clothes that belong to her. Unless the baby is going to be butt ass naked if the OP doesn't hand over all of her clothes, that's just a ridiculous accusation. It's not like they share a rare blood type and he needs a transfusion from her

I don't think you're being petty or illogical. It was selfish of them to put a cosmetic procedure ahead of their child having CLOTHES. You're not obligated to give them anything.

Sell the clothes and donate the money to an anti-circ group
: : : :
I soooo agree with you here. If they could "really use them" "don't have a lot of money" why the h#ll did they spend $300 on a CIRC of all things! Something that the baby didn't need (unlike clothes) and definately did not want(unlike clothes)? They could have outfitted him for a couple of YEARS with $300 spent on second hand clothes.

I don't think you were being petty OP, I think his parents were being petty and selfish wasting all of that money on making him "look like Daddy" instead of spending it on things he could really use.

Noone who would flush all that money away on something so selfish deserves "freebies" IMO.

Good for you for saying no.
Take care,
Tara
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