Was I being petty? - Page 2

[YesandNo]

It would have been kind of you to give them the clothing. You withheld it and instead are giving it to a nameless charity where most / many of the beneficiaries circ'ed anyway. So I'd say it was petty.

In an ideal world, charitable acts should not be contingent upon your approval of the receivers' actions. In other words, you shouldn't just be generous with those who you give the stamp of approval. Then it's not charity, it's a reward.

But it's your stuff, you have no obligation to give it to them, and I wouldn't worry about it too much. The mom is working, they have income, obviously the little boy will get clothing. Not a big deal, really.

[Bm31]

Nope, your reasoning was principled, not petty. You were solicited for the items and had every right to decline for whatever reason.....and I would say that's an excellent one. They made the sacrifices necessary to have their child's genitals mutilated, so I'm sure they'll find a way to clothe him.

[Fellow Traveler]

When I think about it, is it any different from no longer supporting charities that might try to start mutilating children in Africa with donations? There are charities I don't think I would be giving money too because they intend to direct the money to circumcision. Is that being petty?

I understand how people feel this is directed at the child but I am not sure I can call it petty. I might consider the parents of the child selfish since they wasted what little money they had on something the child didn't need. Something that perhaps the father wanted done to the child so that he looked like him.

I can see this from both perspectives but at the end of the day I think I would come down on the side of the OP.

[sapphire_chan]

How is it any different than refusing to give stuff to someone who goes out and spends $300 on any other frivolous expense? Would your sister think you were being petty if the $300 had gone towards veneers for the dad's teeth?

And why did she tell you about the circ anyway? If she wants to get you upset, she shouldn't do it right before asking you for favors.

[ElliesMomma]

if the clothes are the OP's to give (not her son's), then they are the parents' to receive (not the circed boy). babies could care less what they wear, provided that they are warm enough and somewhat clean. (my 2 year old has a closet full of cute outfits but won't let me take off her PJs, so wears those most days.)

i thought of another approach you could take if you have the guts. instead of giving the clothes to your sister to give to them, you could personally go over there with a few basic items, and talk with them (gently) about how is your son doing, i heard you decided to circ (after you [personally?] handed them a bunch of anti-circ literature). what made you decide to do that? how are you able to afford it? wow, i'm surprised you decided to do that, how much did it cost anyway? wow, you could have bought a whole lot of clothes for that amount of money! feel them out and see if there are any regrets, and without appearing judgmental toward their decision, maybe you can plant another seed with the hope that if there ever is a second baby boy, they can make a better choice.

[phdmama06]

Originally Posted by kapatasana

I totally understand your anger and frustration and feel you are totally justified in that regard, however; if it were me I would still give the clothes to their child.

I agree with this. While I do agree with you that it seems strange that the parents of this boy shelled out the $ to circ him yet are struggling to afford clothes for him, at the same time, it's not the poor kid's fault his parents made that decision. While I would not support the couple's decision (and although I don't necessarily feel good about this, I do judge...) I would still give the clothes to them because they would be a help to the child.

ETA - I do not think you are being petty in what you said about the circ, though. I see where you are coming from in thinking that if they can afford the circ, then surely they can afford to buy clothing too (or should have bought the clothes instead of the circ if their funds were limited). But again, I would still see giving the clothes as helping the baby, not the parents.

[Calyxir]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

I don't see how it's "punishing" the baby to not give the baby free clothes that belong to her. Unless the baby is going to be butt ass naked if the OP doesn't hand over all of her clothes, that's just a ridiculous accusation. It's not like they share a rare blood type and he needs a transfusion from her

I don't think you're being petty or illogical. It was selfish of them to put a cosmetic procedure ahead of their child having CLOTHES. You're not obligated to give them anything.

Sell the clothes and donate the money to an anti-circ group

:

It's not petty to not want to have anything to do with someone who claims not to have any money and yet pays $$$ to have an unnecessary and damaging surgery done on their child.

Part of the reason that this abomination continues is because others keep quiet and there are no consequences for doing it. If these penis-fashionistas thought that their actions were going to be frowned on and that they would be thought of as pariahs in their community they wouldn't do it.

You did good, don't let any circumcision apologists get you down.

[Papai]

Originally Posted by YesandNo

It would have been kind of you to give them the clothing. You withheld it and instead are giving it to a nameless charity where most / many of the beneficiaries circ'ed anyway. So I'd say it was petty.

Uh, she's in Canada. So no, most of the babies probably won't be circ'd.

[veganf]

Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan

I don't think it's unrelated. If they chose to spend money on an unnesissary and harmful surgery rather than on kids clothes or whatever, that's not the op's fault. I feel strongly about circ as do many here and I do judge. I'm not afraid to say that.

I agree.
It may seem illogical "after the fact", but the emotions are still there.

[bandgeek]

I agree with selling the clothes and donating the money to an anti-circ group.

And if they ask if you have any baby clothes they can borrow, I would tell them exactly what you did with them. Not in a judgemental way...just in a matter-of-factly way.

If they are that broke and need clothes they can shop for second-hand stuff. Seriously, at yard sales, you can outfit a newborn for like $10.

The baby is not going to suffer because you did not provide him a wardrobe.

[LotusBirthMama]

Does anyone here really think the parents had the money in hand and said "Well. We have not a stitch of clothes for this baby. Nothing. But, we really want that circ! Guess Junior will be nude."

I'm sure the OP's clothes could have been put to use, but I doubt the baby is suffering w/o them.

And I would have given the clothes. My giving or not giving isn't going to change the kid's penis any, so he might as well have a decent sized wardrobe.

[bandgeek]

Originally Posted by LotusBirthMama

Does anyone here really think the parents had the money in hand and said "Well. We have not a stitch of clothes for this baby. Nothing. But, we really want that circ! Guess Junior will be nude."

I'm sure the OP's clothes could have been put to use, but I doubt the baby is suffering w/o them.

And I would have given the clothes. My giving or not giving isn't going to change the kid's penis any, so he might as well have a decent sized wardrobe.

Exactly. When I was pregnant with DD, we were pretty broke and I really wanted a new car seat for her even though we had a perfectly good cosco scenera. Even though I spent money I really didn't need to on something extra, our kid didn't hurt for necessities. We made do. I shopped at yard sales and sold a few things to buy more things.

[19spitfire]

Interesting debate!
Hmm...how would I handle this situation?
I see the refusal to give this family clothes as a denial of friendship to them.

If I liked this family and hope to continue a friendship with them then denying them the clothing would be petty because I wouldn't have thought about all the other areas where we agree and value eachother. I do have friends who have circumcised their children and I think if I were to apply this principle to all of them I would be being petty For Sure. As abhorant as circumcision is, it is still legal and widely accepted in society and I don't see myself being able to (or wanting to) alienate every person who chooses circumcision.

On the other hand: If this family were people who I really could care less about developing a friendship with, circumcision or not, then denying them clothing would not be petty. I see it like the instant judgement you give to a homeless person asking for $: how do they look like they spend their $ and do I want my money to go to that purpose.

So, the difference between being petty or not, breaks down to whether this is friendship or charity. Of course, you have other factors involved, including how this makes your sister feel and whether this family is one you will see all the time and in what situations you will see them. I am sure it a much more complicated situation than is easy to post on this forum. I wish you luck

[perspective]

Originally Posted by ~Em~

You have every right to give or not give away your clothing, but your reasoning is petty. If they were asking for money to get the procedure done, that would be a completely appropriate response, but the circ and the clothing are too unrelated to try to connect them, IMO.

I'm sure others will disagree.

Well let me ask you this then. Say if the same couple had a daughter, and they always talked about having no money to get by. Then one day you find out they bought a state-of-the-art DVD recorder/player for $300? Then later they asked you for any hand-me-downs because they hardly had any money to get by.

Would you connect the $300 with the hand-me-downs now?

The OP said they were given information, so even if they still believed circ did not cause harm, they at least knew that circumcision was nothing short of a cosmetic procedure, and if they really needed to save money they should have looked into it more to make sure the surgery was not a waste of money.

You cant claim to need help if your going to be so reckless with your money.

[SleeplessMommy]

Raelyn is in Canada. She will have no problem finding an intact baby to give the clothes to.

Remember, these are the baby clothes that her child wore. How would she feel remembering her son's clothing is now in the hand of some monster parents who circed their son even though 95% ++ of other local boys are intact?

[nini02]

Originally Posted by perspective

Well let me ask you this then. Say if the same couple had a daughter, and they always talked about having no money to get by. Then one day you find out they bought a state-of-the-art DVD recorder/player for $300? Then later they asked you for any hand-me-downs because they hardly had any money to get by.

Would you connect the $300 with the hand-me-downs now?

The OP said they were given information, so even if they still believed circ did not cause harm, they at least knew that circumcision was nothing short of a cosmetic procedure, and if they really needed to save money they should have looked into it more to make sure the surgery was not a waste of money.

You cant claim to need help if your going to be so reckless with your money.

I agree 100%

[ThreeBeans]

I wouldn't give someone like that a red cent. I don't think it's petty.

[DanelleB]

Originally Posted by perspective

Well let me ask you this then. Say if the same couple had a daughter, and they always talked about having no money to get by. Then one day you find out they bought a state-of-the-art DVD recorder/player for $300? Then later they asked you for any hand-me-downs because they hardly had any money to get by.

Would you connect the $300 with the hand-me-downs now?

The OP said they were given information, so even if they still believed circ did not cause harm, they at least knew that circumcision was nothing short of a cosmetic procedure, and if they really needed to save money they should have looked into it more to make sure the surgery was not a waste of money.

You cant claim to need help if your going to be so reckless with your money.

That's exactly what I was saying.

[kapatasana]

Originally Posted by LotusBirthMama

Does anyone here really think the parents had the money in hand and said "Well. We have not a stitch of clothes for this baby. Nothing. But, we really want that circ! Guess Junior will be nude."

I'm sure the OP's clothes could have been put to use, but I doubt the baby is suffering w/o them.

And I would have given the clothes. My giving or not giving isn't going to change the kid's penis any, so he might as well have a decent sized wardrobe.

: Good point (s).

[~Em~]

Those who said it was not petty, would you refuse charity to a parent in need who voluntarily chose to feed formula but had no compelling reason not to exclusively breastfeed?

Would it make a difference in either case if the parents secondguessed their choice after the fact?

Would it make a difference if the prarents were given bad circing or BFing information and made their choice on faulty health care advice?

Would it make a difference if the financial difficulty arose after the decision was made?

If you had no idea the parents made either choice, would you ask them directly before giving them the items and keep them if your requirements were not met?

I'm not debating it, I'm just wondering.