Go with your gut. Even if it means cutting off contact with her. You're a MOM first, daughter second.
post #21 of 93
5/17/08 at 2:50pm
I wanted to say more.
First of all, read the book Protecting the Gift.
Without going into too many personal details, there is a relative in my life about whom I feel this way. (just the "weird, uncomfortable" way.) And this relative has NEVER babysat my children, for that very reason. (And a counselor backed me up that I shouldn't leave my children with this person because of my feelings, however vague they may be.)
Sometimes it is possible to simultaneously know, and not know, a thing.
Meaning--it's there in your subconscious, not your conscious thought processes. Our brains don't want to overwhelm us, even if something did happen to us as children. So our brains will give us (as adults) JUST ENOUGH information to protect our children. (Not enough information that we get overwhelmed and despondent.)
Your subconscious is whispering to you. Don't dismiss it.
Since you have let your mom into your life so much now (too much, in my opinion, based on the feelings you've had since childhood), it will be difficult to pull away. BUT YOU HAVE TO. YOU REALLY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE if you want to protect your ds.
Again, I'll say: Read Protecting the Gift.
At minimum, you and she have very different ideas about bodily integrity and the rights of other little humans. I'm not trying to trivialize this complaint, but did you read the thread here about if feet are private and gross? Otherwise sane people can have very different ideas about what's private and public, profane and sacred.
If that's the case, you could tell her that you have different ideas about potty training and diapers, and that all diapers and potty training are to be left to you, no holds barred, in order not to confuse the child.
If it's just a difference of opinion, that will work. If she's fufilling some desire of hers, it's not going to work.