This is very hard to put into words; and it may come off all wrong...
But one of the things that bothers me here lately is this "sense of belonging" that she tries to instill into my child, very very subtly. He seems like he doesn't feel he belongs to us. I mean, I WANT him to be close to his grandparents. But at the end of the day, he belongs here at home, with his mommy and daddy.
Somehow, some way, without me being able to pinpoint how
--if she's around, he doesn't seem to "belong" to us anymore, he belongs to her.
Now, with my dad, it's absolutely totally different. My ds is head over heels in love with my dad, totally. I mean, he's behind his footsteps every step of the day as long as granddad is around. But as much as he hates leaving granddaddy, he knows he "belongs" with us. He comes to us when he needs stuff (even if he goes straight back to granddaddy after he's good/fed/dried/whatever.) But it's just totally not the same with my mom.
It's like, my dad doesn't try to steal that belonging away from us like my mom does...
I feel like I"m not making any sense....
And after reading a lot of this book, I think that's what bothers me the most.
And a couple of things that bother me that my mom does in our presence. When she picks him up, how can I tell her, without causing an bomb-explosian, to not put his hands on his crotch so much?
I think can handle everything else as long as I'm there, but I'm totally at a loss as to how to graciously or discreetly handle that.
Mysticmamma, yes she behaves weird with other kids before. Boys and girls in the past. (FTR, I've told her from the beginning to never retract his foreskin, and why, and I'm sure she hasn't done that. As weird as she is with kids, I can safely and confidently say she doesn't have any desire to physically hurt any child, and she knows that's what retracting a foreskin will do.)
Like I say, I don't "know" or havent' "seen" her do anything particular with any of my neices/nephews/cousins, but she acts the same way I've mentioned in my op with them. I always felt uncomfortable about it. I've felt uncomfortable enough to intervene and take over at times in my own childhood when i was old enough in caring for my neices and nephews so I wouldn't have to feel "weird" about her doing it. But of course, I was only 10, or 11,12...or 14...or whatever, so I couldn't always step in and kinda play the big sister role all the time. I thought it was just me being silly or whatever--it's just really hits home now that it's my own kid.
Oh, and she makes sure to tell my husband that she's available to sit now that school is out and she doesn't substitue bus driving anymore. she keeps saying how much she misses him to try to get me to leave him over there.
I wouldn't mind visits while I'm present, but I just don't know how to react when I try to take care of ds, and do whatever, and he pushes me away and wants grandma to do it. If I take over anyway, against his wishes (possibly in his best interests) he screams and cries and fusses and then they are looking at me, like, "what's the big deal?" and I become some weird, psycho mom, and the kid goes running to grandma. I think that's what makes me the craziest. She'll almost step in front of me and take over if he starts to fuss. I need to be more assertive during these times, I think...I don't know. I still feel like maybe i'm making something out of nothing.
It's all very confusing.