Originally Posted by A&A
Really? Then why'd you ever leave a kid with her in the first place?
I think you're still in denial.
And while getting over denial is painful, I hope you do it fast enough to protect your kids.
Ouch. Short and painful. And dismissive of everything else I said.
I AM protecting my child right now while he's vulnerable and needs protecting. After he gets to a certain age of independance in certain departments, he no longer needs my protection *from her*. As I mentioned, after I became old enough to remember stuff, to discuss stuff, her behavior totally ceased. The queasiness I felt around her being around little babies and toddlers went away once those same kids grew old enough to speak very well and take care of themselves.
I'v never felt comfortable leaving him with her when he was much younger...I did it against my comfort level because I had to work, and I did not see anything that confirmed that my "feelings" were on point. Once I started to see little hints that justified my feelings I quit my job and became a sahm again (even though doing it right now puts us an a financial tightening...)
I guess now that I'm looking toward the future of the situation with clearer eyes and can see "when" my mother is a danger and when she's not, since I'm not seeing her as a danger but as a harmless old woman once my kids get past a certain age
, I'm a unprotective mother? LIke what I'm trying to do up to that point means nothing? I guess I was pretty sure once I revealed that she's not a threat after my kids are verbal and past a certain age the conversation would go this way.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out, if I "seem to be" open minded enough now to explore my intuitive tugs, as mysterious as they are, about leaving my child with my mom for now, and to act on those intuitions, why would I completely turn my back on that same open mindedness and those same intuitive feelings if they were there in the future? I wouldn't do that, unless those same feelings of danger were not there after a certain point.
I guess what I'm saying is, as it stands now, we'll leave things like they are, no unsupervised visits, and we're moving away. I'll reinvestigate these feelings in the future and see if I feel the same way. I trust myself that if I still have bad feelings even when my child is older and more verbal and more independant, that I'll act on those feelings the same way as I'm doing now by continueing the no unsupervised visits stand.
YOu are on point when it comes to my husband being the child of a narcissist. He's conditioned to believe nothing is ever a parent's fault, always his. His mother could do anything she wanted to him, and if he never "spoke up", no matter how awful whatever she did obviously was, it was as if it never happenned. That is his mind play he's trying to play out right now. Since my parents are getting a little bit annoyed, and we haven't "sat down and told them" what bothers us, then to him, shouldn't it be as if stuff never happenned? We should all act happy and normal? He used to be awful about this, but he's getting MUCH better about it, and can at least at this point, when I sit down and discuss with him stuff, identify when he's doing this.
As for having another child on the way, nope. She won't be babysitting this child alone for a long long time to come. For this reason, and also to kinda slim down the issues I have with her with my other kid, I'm trying to move away from here.
My husband has been talking about me talking to some one to work through this, and I'm still considering it. I don't know why goign to some one to talk about it is giving me such hesitation. I have not problems going to seek help for other issues i have, like for my ad/hd, or my depression. for some reason, the thought of going to see so me one specifically to talk about this problem gives me pause. I AM going to do it though. I have to find some one I trust.