I talked to my husband more last night, and he said he thought I was ASKING him if we should let him go or not...Which, I cleary WAS NOT. I was just relaying what my dad had just called and said. (And how is whether or not I was asking relevant to his answer? If that's what he thought, he should have said something along the lines, "I thought we'd agreed to what we were going to do..." istead of being like, "Duhhh, I dunno, I guess we could let him...
: " Anyhow, I digress.)
So i asked him the following questions:
1) Whether or not it mattered to him WHY we were trying to not do unsupervised visits; i.e., did he think we had a valid reason; That is to say, whether or not he thinks this is all in my mind, or what?
-----He is adamant that it's not all in my mind. He says that he's felt these creepy weird feelings about my mom changing diapers before I said anything to him and was trying to push them away.
2) If, due to those feelings, he thought it was a good idea, or, was he in agreement with the whole no-unsupervised-visits-for-now thing, or if he thought it was too harsh.
-----He sais he think it's reasonable to not have unsupervised visits
He kept asking what we were going to say to them when they ask why not?
I told him I'd tell them the truth; that we are trying to potty train G right now, and I think it best that we just work on that ourselves until he gets it. And that they can gripe and grumble and complain all they want, that's just the way it is.
So then he keeps making some kind of vague comment about how he still thinks we should let "somebody" know what's going on, to talk about it, and see if we are "right" in our suspicions before doing anything like cutting them out.
I told him that he's looking for some one's authority to exercise his right as a parent. I told him we're not looking to convict anyone, or accuse my mom of anything sinister. If we TOGETHER as parents have an icky feeling about something regarding our kid, we have a right and a duty to act on it. We don't need to ask some one if it's right or not, if we should, or whatever. We don't need some outside "authority" to validate us. We have a right as parents to act on feelings we have to guard and protect our kids. Even if those feelings are vague and nonspecific, and maybe later turn out to be wrong, we have an obligation to our child to listen to those feelings.
So he was ok---------------------------------------------------------for now.
See the thing is, I don't really "trust" my husband.
Not that he'd lie to me in a bad way. (Well....that's for another thread.)
But I never know if he really REALLY agrees with me and is going to shoulder some of the burden of parenting with me, or whether or not he's just being a swayer.
He allows me to sway him too much. If I'm not swaying him my way, somebody else is swaying him their way. He has few solid firm convictions. And when the rain comes, in the midst of the confrontation, the showdown, or the point of action, I can never trust whether he is going to solidly have my back or not, even if he said at the time he would. But I won't go into too much on that, all of that belongs down i parents as partners, I guess.
But anyhow, thanks so much for the encouragement....i'm still a bit down and a bit untrusting as to whether i'm going to have to keep getting crap from my husband, (this is strikingly familiar to his behavior when cutting his mother out of his life, but I chalked it up to the fact that that was, his mother. I'm not even trying to "cut" my parents out of our lives as of now, and they are not his parents, but his behavior is the same.) But I'll keep trying, and I'll lay the boundary down with them.