Single Mom Torn About Preschool For DD

[LoveOhm]

As some of you know I'm a full-time student, stay at home single mama to a 17 month old dd. I love being home with my dd but it is hard to get my studies in. This semester I have been using a college age sitter that dd adores but I cannot entrust my academic success to a babysitter.

I was debating between a Montessori program (which starts at 18 months) and a co-op preschool (that would start when dd was 3 years old).....

I feel very conflicted about enrolling dd in preschool at 18 months even if it is only 4 hours a day / 4-5 days a week. It is an amazing Montessori program and I know dd will thrive there, I also think as a single SAHM I might avoid burn out by having 4 hours to myself each day... Part of me knows dd enrolling in the Montessori Toddler program would give me peace of mind and allow me to enjoy her more when she is with me and I would do MUCH BETTER in school. Still she is my baby... so I feel conflicted leaving her.

What do you think? Do any of you single WAHMs/SAHMs have your children in preschool? Did you feel conflicted? Is 18 months too young? Will my ex will be able to use this against me at some point in the future? What if he does not pay the Montessori tuition??? I would be on the hook and dd out of place. (the state will pay about half the cost since I am in school)

[pranamama]

I am not sure I could afford the Montessori preschool so I would have an easier decision. IF you go with the expensive one, get your ex to front the money in advance, probably at least 30 days before they'll cancel your dd enrollment so that you'll have time to make alternate arrangements.

I would keep looking for something less expensive, and closer to home.

Good luck I also think you will realize when you are at a place whether its a good fit for your dd or not.

[One Art]

Would a home-based daycare be an option? I know it is hard to find a "crunchy" one, but you never know... I actually was fortunate enough, recently, to stumble upon a daycare in my area that might suit our needs. I'm going to go check it out next week. Anyway, I had a conversation about her views on education, and let her lead the way, and I was really impressed. I don't know what kind of aid you can get where you are, but here I might qualify for CPS money - they have a program that helps low-income moms pay for daycare, and there are daycare providers that are registered through the program. If they have anything like that you could go and get the list of daycares and start calling/visiting. Often the good ones will have waiting lists, and it might be a good idea to get your dds name on a few waiting lists, just to be on the safe side. (and this is a good idea regardless of whether your state has daycare funding options, you could enroll your dd somewhere and encounter a big enough problem down the road that you might need/want to pull her). I hope some of this helps! Good luck!

[christianmomof3]

Are those your only options? What about a mother's day out a couple of days a week? I put my younger two children in MDOs one day a week at that age and they really enjoyed it. If you can find a good one with good, loving teachers, it can be a positive experience.
I had them in MDO two days a week at age two and then preschool the next year. I had ds 3 days a week at age 3, but youngest dd was two days a week at age 3 and then 3 days at age 4 because when she was 3 and 4 I had one child in preschool, one in elementary and one in middle school and it was a bit much. Now I have two in elementary school and one in high school.

[littleaugustbaby]

I think that 18 months is way too young for a structured preschool program, even something as loosely structured as Montessori. Also, it could get really hairy if you have to rely on your ex to pay for it, depending on how your relationship is.

In your shoes, I'd seek out other options. Does your college have an onsite daycare that you can use while you go to classes and use the library to study?

$890 is pretty high, even for here, and we are in a very expensive area. DD's preschool is the most expensive that I have seen in the area, and it is $800 for FT school/childcare(10 hours a day, Monday-Friday). For a 4 hour/5 day a week program, it is only about $600. Do you need full time? Can you just hire a sitter or find a daycare that will take her part time? 4 hours a day 5 days a week is A LOT for someone so young.

[LoveOhm]

Thanks for the input... responses to your suggestions / questions

The average quality preschool program cost full time in my area is $1200... part time is hard to average because each school views part time differently.

Emily I did look into two home based options that are crunchy but one of them just did not "feel" right and the other we are still on the wait list for...

The home based one that I like has four toddlers with one adult (the low ratio is by choice, she is licensed for 6-12 children). The program meets T,W, TH from 9AM - 12:30PM Amazing mix of Waldorf, Montessori & RIE. This is my favorite program but dd has been on the list since she was 3 months old. The program is closed August and September to remodel her home and add a classroom so I would need childcare for September to take in person classes for the Fall. I was told my dd should have a spot in October but I am concerned about giving up the Montessori spot then not getting this one.... she has not required a deposit or anything. Maybe I should call her on Monday to confirm we will have a space....

As much as dd loves our sitter entrusting a sitter with my academic success just is not cutting it.

[mikaela]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

2. Four toddlers with one adult (the low ratio is by choice, she is licensed for 6-12 children). The program meets T,W, TH from 9AM - 12:30PM Amazing mix of Waldorf, Montessori & RIE. This is my favorite program but dd has been on the list since she was 3 months old. The program is closed August and September to remodel her home and add a classroom so I would need childcare for September to take in person classes for the Fall. I was told my dd should have a spot in October but I am concerned about giving up the Montessori spot then not getting this one.... she has not required a deposit or anything. Maybe I should call her on Monday to confirm we will have a space

Sounds like you really like this one, so I'd start here Go ahead and give her a call to confirm. I don' think it would be a bad thing to just put it out there -- that you're a single mom going to school and because of all that, you need to get things in order as soon as possible. I'm sure she can appreciate your position. Finding a temporary sitter for the few weeks before she opens in the fall shouldn't be a problem.

What do you mean by "As much as dd loves our sitter entrusting a sitter with my academic success just is not cutting it?"

[MsChatsAlot]

If she was going with her father, you would be away from her for short periods of time too.

Could you look at it as time to bond with other people and enjoy a new experience? If you spin it a different way and see that it's important for children to have a strong bond with their mother, but it's also good to feel comfortable other places and with other people too. It is community building and trust building. I also really feel a great joy and connectedness and appreciation for my kids when we've spent a little time apart.

It's also just a decision and you can always choose to make another decision at another time. If you put her in and it isn't working, you can re-evaluate. This does not need to be such a set in stone kind of thing...it's just a choice today and you'll try it and see how it goes.

Whatever you decide, your heart will lead you to the right place.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by mikaela

Sounds like you really like this one, so I'd start here Go ahead and give her a call to confirm.

What do you mean by "As much as dd loves our sitter entrusting a sitter with my academic success just is not cutting it?"

I am going to call and touch base with her on Monday.... and see what exactly is the status of her home-based program and where we are on her wait list.

What I mean by my statement about out sitter is she is sweet, dd & I both adore her but there are flaws to that situation. Mostly that I am too nice and I feel taken advantage of by our sitter.... I think in general no one should depend on just one person to care for their child (you should always have some sort of back up option) but this is especially true with a college age sitter because students need a flexible work arrangement. I am too flexible and what ends up suffering is my school work.

[LoveOhm]

So I am starting to get excited it may be a nice break for both dd & I! And I will be able to support her better once I have my degree and teaching credential.

[RockStarMom]

I'm a full-time student, and when I'm in school or have papers to do I have a SAHM watch my daughter. It's not a sitter-type arrangement--she is our nanny. Her daughter is my daughter's age, and the arrangement has been perfect for everyone.
ETA: My daughter is 2.5.

[mama41]

LoveOhm, you're right, don't rest your academic success on a sitter. If she fails to show, you miss class or don't get your work done. Doesn't matter what the reason is; you're still screwed. I agree with the others, the second sounds like the place for you guys, but I'd reserve the Montessori spot as well. A co-op that's going to reopen is not a co-op that's open. It might reopen on time. And it might not. Also, if you need daily childcare to get your work done, get it.

I had my dd in a co-op morning program from the time she was 8 months old; it was a genuine co-op where the parents provided the care, and we all got to know each other's families. When my xh fell apart, I moved her to a daycare with a similar feel; she was 22 months then, and handled it very well. I started her at about 3h/day and gradually lengthened her day to about 5-6 hours there. She'll be five this summer, still goes there daily, and loves it. I'm endlessly grateful to the people who work there.

[prairieo]

LoveOhm,
I didn't read all the posts in this thread, but I skipped over them. I'm a single mom and a Montessori teacher. The reason I am a Montessori teacher is because I believe it is the best place for my children, and I want them to be able to grow and learn in the environment that is best for them. I made a decision that I would make it work, and all three of my children attend private Montessori schools. My friend and co worker is a single mom to four, and all of her children also attend. We are creative, dedicated, and feel very good about our choices.

I do think that the M. preschool program is an excellent place for your daughter, and I do not think it is too much. the traditional infant/toddler program has a credentialed teacher who has studied child development specific to the age group she serves, who knows how to observe and respond to children, and who prepares an environment that is appropriate and supportive of where they are at that point. There is an enormous difference between montessori preschool and a montessori infant/toddler program. It is not too much, if it is a good program with a credentialed teacher, (and it sounds like that's what it is).

If the state's going to pay for half, that's great! There's a big difference between babysitters and trained professionals. and, by enrolling your child now, you will begin to set a legal precedence for your child's "status quo" or standard of living....my kids have been going to montessori schools for three lyears now, it is a part of their lifestyle and daddy has to help pay for it.

I say, go for it! If your heart tells you it's a good thing, it probably is! I've never had even one doubt about my choices in that regard!

[LoveOhm]

So things fell thru with the Montessori program.... but dd is still on the wait list for two other play-based preschools.

Will update everyone when I get dd into one of them.