I don't know where to go with this.

[peachymomma]

STBX has had about 3 weeks to sign the divorce papers and he hasn't. We went to the same lawyer together and decided on everything in the agreement.

He quit his job friday and went to work at a new one. Making about 15,000 a year less. He was making a little over 50,000 and now 35,000.

He also bought a motorcycle on thursday. What I have dubbed the PU**Y Wagon. LOL


I told him that until some kind of agreement was made then he can't have the kids. Should I have said that?

I am really disappointed in the way this is working out. I have about 4-5 weeks before I deliver our fifth baby and he is really stressing me out.

[mikaela]

Have you asked him what the hold-up is? Is he just being a jerk, or is he really struggling with making things official? Can you go over in person and ask him to sign them?

I definitely wouldn't put the kids in the middle of that mess -- they're not bargaining chips

[peachymomma]

Oh he is through.. has been for awhile. He didn't want to sign the papers cause he knew he was taking a lower paying job and didn't want to be obligated to the amount of child support that he would have been signing to.

[willowsmama]

I told him that until some kind of agreement was made then he can't have the kids. Should I have said that?

Absolutely not. Children are not pawns. Your divorce is between you and your husband.

Visitation shouldn't be 'tied to' anything.If he doesn't pay CS, he still gets visitation- no signature on the divorce decree? he still gets visitation.

[peachymomma]

What about the motorcycle? Should he have bought it during our divorce when he hasn't even signed the papers? Should I bring it up with the lawyer?

[pranamama]

Ask your attorney what's best. and maybe tell your ex that you are going to take a motorcycle lesson and ask for the motorcycle if you have to go to court

[MsChatsAlot]

Yes, I was thinking of saying something like..."Oh, I love OUR new motorbike...since we're still married and nothing is final, it's obviously half mine too!"

[peachymomma]

LOL I thought about asking for it EOW!!! LOL

Also I called and told him I am sorry about commenting on keeping the kids from him. I am very hormonal and I think( hope) that he understands.

[pentaxlady]

[QUOTE=

I told him that until some kind of agreement was made then he can't have the kids. Should I have said that?

.[/QUOTE]

Originally Posted by peachymomma

Oh he is through.. has been for awhile. He didn't want to sign the papers cause he knew he was taking a lower paying job and didn't want to be obligated to the amount of child support that he would have been signing to.

Please don't put the kids in the middle of it. It's not their fault.

As far as child support goes he can quit any job he wants to. It will go by what he is CAPABLE of making...the $50K...not what he voluntary chose to make.

Get your own lawyer ASAP. I made the mistake of using the same as him because of the cost and it came back to bite me. Worst mistake I ever made.

The motorcycle, as long as there hasn't been any property settlements he needs to now add that to his assets, as least in my state.

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by peachymomma

Also I called and told him I am sorry about commenting on keeping the kids from him. I am very hormonal and I think( hope) that he understands.

I think that your ability to apologize for your mistake, even when he is behaving so badly, shows real maturity, which is going to serve you well in the years of dealing with him and these various problems that will arise. Give yourself a pat on the back. Keep up your own integrity like this and you will never regret it--and your children will benefit as well.

[willowsmama]

Get your own lawyer. Quitting a job to lower the amount of CSis frownedupon also. He can make 50K, it's just foolish for him to take a lower paying job.

And good job with calling him back and apologising. It's hard but it's better for kids in the long run.

[mikaela]

Originally Posted by peachymomma

Also I called and told him I am sorry about commenting on keeping the kids from him. I am very hormonal and I think( hope) that he understands.

Good for you! It sounded like you knew it was the wrong approach to begin with

I would definitely call the lawyer to let her/him know what's going on with stbx (not signing the papers, making large purchases, changing jobs). Sorry you have to deal with all this -- while pregnant, too!

[mamamoo]

Oh man, I'm sorry mama.

[SimpleJoys]

The motorcycle is half yours. Get some type of court order that prevents him from buying expensive toys such as this. I did this with my ex and it helped. Also, keep this in mind: In some states if one partner will not sign the papers after a certain length of time, then everything goes to the partner who filed and I mean everything. You just go quietly into court and it becomes a done deal and the divorce is final and the person who did not sign loses everything. He could contest, however. This happened with me. I chose not to do this but instead after the time was up, let the original divorce drop and refiled. I wish I had taken my attorney's advice and gone to court and got everything. It would have been worth it, as my ex was being very stubborn about the marriage being over. He didn't want to even see any papers.

[peachymomma]

More food for thought....
He got his mom to buy the motorcycle so it wouldn't be in his name!

Also he was sure to inform me that his new job was hourly...whatever that means. I guess he thinks he will not have to pay as much child support.

[mamamoo]

Ugh. I'm sorry mama. Please take care of yourself. I remember how shitty I felt pregnant and my X doing things that were just stupid and hurtful(like online dating with "casual sex" as one of the things he was looking for while we were still supposed to be working things out). I seriously do not know what happens to these men during these times.

[peachymomma]

mamamoo,

It is kinda like an alien has invaded their body huh?
ALthough externally they look the same.... inside is not even close to what it used to be.

[WatermelonSnow]

It's a great idea to use one attorney when you are both acting in good faith. Now that he's pulling these stunts, you really need to get your own attorney. There is a serious conflict of interest here with the attorney trying to advise you how to get CS based on his old income, advising him how to get CS lowered and advising him on hiding assets.

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by peachymomma

mamamoo,

It is kinda like an alien has invaded their body huh?
ALthough externally they look the same.... inside is not even close to what it used to be.

EXACTLY!!! Oh my gosh, that is exactly what it's like!! Attack of the body snatchers, who took my husband??!!!

[anamama]

Peachymomma, I am in a similar situation. I think you just need to take a deep breath, and do what you know is the right thing to do. CS is money that belongs to your children, and he is trying to bamboozle them out of what they have a right to.
You need to take care of this business before the baby comes. I'm joining the other mamas who are urging you to get your own lawyer. You have more important things to do right now than deal with someone who is obviously very immature and thinking of himself first, instead of the children.