Anyone regret divorce? - Page 3

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by eurobin

:

However, I'll be honest. I knew in my soul it was over in 8/07. Not in my mind, but in my soul.

I've felt it in my soul for years, probably since the beginning of the marriage, maybe even before, and in my body for quite a while, but now it's a lot stronger feeling.

I doubt he'd change, and I've tried working on it.

[Mom2Joseph]

I did. I really did. I thought the stigma and how my children would be scarred for life would be the worst thing in the world.

Turns out it's not. We will not only live, but live well and THRIVE. You can get so used to a dark, emotionally abusive situation (and economic dependence) that you can't see a way out. But, fortunately for me, there is a way out. And I am blessed and have never been happier. I'll be even more happy when I move out of my parents house!!!

Is it bad? yes. It's a horrible horrible loss. And we will be affected by it for a long, long time. But we all have a "cross to bear" and my children will be just fine. I thought keeping the family together at all costs was the thing to do. Not so when I learned they were watching a horrible home life. I had no idea they were as affected as they were. I'm glad we left.

I am so glad that I filed (last week) and that this is the beginning of the end. And the beginning of our new life. I anticipate a fight, but as long as I have my babies the rest will be fine.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Mom2Joseph

I did. I really did. I thought the stigma and how my children would be scarred for life would be the worst thing in the world.

Turns out it's not. We will not only live, but live well and THRIVE. You can get so used to a dark, emotionally abusive situation (and economic dependence) that you can't see a way out. But, fortunately for me, there is a way out. And I am blessed and have never been happier. I'll be even more happy when I move out of my parents house!!!

Is it bad? yes. It's a horrible horrible loss. And we will be affected by it for a long, long time. But we all have a "cross to bear" and my children will be just fine. I thought keeping the family together at all costs was the thing to do. Not so when I learned they were watching a horrible home life. I had no idea they were as affected as they were. I'm glad we left.

I am so glad that I filed (last week) and that this is the beginning of the end. And the beginning of our new life. I anticipate a fight, but as long as I have my babies the rest will be fine.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Mom2Joseph

And I am blessed and have never been happier. I'll be even more happy when I move out of my parents house!!!

My fear is that I have no where to go, it's all on my shoulders. I don't have parents, or anyone else, that I could move in with, even for a short time.

There's no safety net, nor landing pad until I get on my feet.

Not that I can't do this all on my own, I just know that it could be very, very hard and very, very volatile. The instability, and sheer cost, could be unsettling and chaotic for a long time, and I wonder if that is worth it for my child's sake. It could very well cause chaos and instability for years.

It's a scary prospect.

I don't know a ton of people who've gotten divorced, but the ones I do know seemed to be able to move in with parents until they landed back on their feet.

Without that, it seems a lot harder with a lot more questions, and chances for total ruin.

Not that I want to unempower myself so much as to say that I can't do this without help. I know there are plenty of strong, single moms out there...I just know the stakes are pretty high and there's no help if I need it.

[Mom2Joseph]

Originally Posted by Spring Flower

My fear is that I have no where to go, it's all on my shoulders. I don't have parents, or anyone else, that I could move in with, even for a short time.

There's no safety net, nor landing pad until I get on my feet.

Not that I can't do this all on my own, I just know that it could be very, very hard and very, very volatile. The instability, and sheer cost, could be unsettling and chaotic for a long time, and I wonder if that is worth it for my child's sake. It could very well cause chaos and instability for years.

It's a scary prospect.

I don't know a ton of people who've gotten divorced, but the ones I do know seemed to be able to move in with parents until they landed back on their feet.

Without that, it seems a lot harder with a lot more questions, and chances for total ruin.

Not that I want to unempower myself so much as to say that I can't do this without help. I know there are plenty of strong, single moms out there...I just know the stakes are pretty high and there's no help if I need it.

I hated to leave and I had somewhere wonderful to go. I cannot even imagine the situation you are in. Do what you feel is best for you and your children. I don't know much about your situation but it sounds like it might be chaotic either way. And I'm sure if its going to be chaos why not one you can have some economic safety with?

I have no answers for you. Just prayers and hugs mama.

[Basylica]

I feel like a weight has been lifted since I seperated with my STBX. a 330lb one

Spring Flower, i'm going to read your post in PAP now, but I saw you asked DH to move out and he refused. A word of caution?
I asked my DH to move out on a sat. he flatly refused and said there was NO WAY he'd leave HIS kids with me. I was crazy. He almost got physical with me trying to rip my baby out of my arms.
He can't do anything by himself (a good portion of the issues) and i'm 100% positive he called his parents in the next few days.
the following friday I was at work and served with divorce papers at 330p. I called my daycare and found out he'd removed the kids before noon.
I went home under advice of my mom and checked the house and he'd taken most of his important things (video games, consoles, anime, etc) and a few things of the kids.
I drove out to his folks house, they were evasive and cruel. Only my FIL would even come to the door. I called the cops. Showed them the petition for divorce and custody and I think they thought it was a judge signed doc.
they escorted me off the property and told me to leave and not come back.

I was hysterical. I finally got a lawyer first thing tues, she chewed his lawyer out and threatened to have him arrested. part of his petition had a attachment saying "in this county don't do :" incl taking kids out of the home, removing items from home, taking money out of joint bank acct, removing kids from school or daycare, secreting them away...etc.

I had to be the adult and offer 50/50 (ended up with him having 8 days and me having 6. (@W$%($(%#$%)#$) until our temp custody hearing.

I'm still really angry about all that, but more than at STBX i'm angry at his parents for not only assisting but coordinating this. I never in a million years thought any of them would have done such a thing.

so right now i'm about 10K into just the beginning stages of my divorce. he's trying to get full custody of my kids still. right now he has expanded visitation...but thats more than I'd like him to have just now. they are only babies

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Basylica

I feel like a weight has been lifted since I seperated with my STBX. a 330lb one

Spring Flower, i'm going to read your post in PAP now, but I saw you asked DH to move out and he refused. A word of caution?
I asked my DH to move out on a sat. he flatly refused and said there was NO WAY he'd leave HIS kids with me. I was crazy. He almost got physical with me trying to rip my baby out of my arms.
He can't do anything by himself (a good portion of the issues) and i'm 100% positive he called his parents in the next few days.
the following friday I was at work and served with divorce papers at 330p. I called my daycare and found out he'd removed the kids before noon.
I went home under advice of my mom and checked the house and he'd taken most of his important things (video games, consoles, anime, etc) and a few things of the kids.
I drove out to his folks house, they were evasive and cruel. Only my FIL would even come to the door. I called the cops. Showed them the petition for divorce and custody and I think they thought it was a judge signed doc.
they escorted me off the property and told me to leave and not come back.

I was hysterical. I finally got a lawyer first thing tues, she chewed his lawyer out and threatened to have him arrested. part of his petition had a attachment saying "in this county don't do :" incl taking kids out of the home, removing items from home, taking money out of joint bank acct, removing kids from school or daycare, secreting them away...etc.

I had to be the adult and offer 50/50 (ended up with him having 8 days and me having 6. (@W$%($(%#$%)#$) until our temp custody hearing.

I'm still really angry about all that, but more than at STBX i'm angry at his parents for not only assisting but coordinating this. I never in a million years thought any of them would have done such a thing.

so right now i'm about 10K into just the beginning stages of my divorce. he's trying to get full custody of my kids still. right now he has expanded visitation...but thats more than I'd like him to have just now. they are only babies

Divorce, but especially custody are such heart-wrenching issues. There are no easy answers, are there?

If my husband or anyone else ever tried to pull anything with custody, though, they would have a real legal fight on their hands.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope things go well for you in the future.

[Al Dente]

I didn't have anywhere soft to land, for sure. My dad's been dead for over 10 years, my mom is in her 70s and living on the opposite side of the country.

It IS hard, especially financially. But it is COMPLETELY worth it. In 9 days I will have been gone from my abusive husband for six months. That day also happens to be my seventh and last wedding anniversary. I feel like my prison sentence is almost over and that I can live in the sunshine again. Not to sound trite!

Spring Flower...I'm thinking about you...as a pp said, this is an extremely volatile time for you right now. Please at least call the DV center in case you need somewhere to go in an emergency. Don't make the mistake of thinking it won't happen to you...it's so hard to predict their reactions.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Al Dente

I didn't have anywhere soft to land, for sure. My dad's been dead for over 10 years, my mom is in her 70s and living on the opposite side of the country.

It IS hard, especially financially. But it is COMPLETELY worth it. In 9 days I will have been gone from my abusive husband for six months. That day also happens to be my seventh and last wedding anniversary. I feel like my prison sentence is almost over and that I can live in the sunshine again. Not to sound trite!

Thank you. And I'm so happy to hear you have sunshine in your life once more. I think that does sound completely worth it. Good luck.

[Geraldine_L]

Originally Posted by Basylica

I feel like a weight has been lifted since I seperated with my STBX. a 330lb one

Spring Flower, i'm going to read your post in PAP now, but I saw you asked DH to move out and he refused. A word of caution?
I asked my DH to move out on a sat. he flatly refused and said there was NO WAY he'd leave HIS kids with me. I was crazy. He almost got physical with me trying to rip my baby out of my arms.
He can't do anything by himself (a good portion of the issues) and i'm 100% positive he called his parents in the next few days.
the following friday I was at work and served with divorce papers at 330p. I called my daycare and found out he'd removed the kids before noon.
I went home under advice of my mom and checked the house and he'd taken most of his important things (video games, consoles, anime, etc) and a few things of the kids.
I drove out to his folks house, they were evasive and cruel. Only my FIL would even come to the door. I called the cops. Showed them the petition for divorce and custody and I think they thought it was a judge signed doc.
they escorted me off the property and told me to leave and not come back.

I was hysterical. I finally got a lawyer first thing tues, she chewed his lawyer out and threatened to have him arrested. part of his petition had a attachment saying "in this county don't do :" incl taking kids out of the home, removing items from home, taking money out of joint bank acct, removing kids from school or daycare, secreting them away...etc.

I had to be the adult and offer 50/50 (ended up with him having 8 days and me having 6. (@W$%($(%#$%)#$) until our temp custody hearing.

I'm still really angry about all that, but more than at STBX i'm angry at his parents for not only assisting but coordinating this. I never in a million years thought any of them would have done such a thing.

so right now i'm about 10K into just the beginning stages of my divorce. he's trying to get full custody of my kids still. right now he has expanded visitation...but thats more than I'd like him to have just now. they are only babies

I'm confused. You asked him to leave, he did, and you're mad?

[meandmine]

Originally Posted by Geraldine_L

I'm confused. You asked him to leave, he did, and you're mad?

Did you read her post? He took her children? Their joint property!

*That's* what she was upset about.

M

[Mothra]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

Oh, my God. I am so sorry. You've been through a lot. I can't say enough that I wish you well.

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that.

I am lucky, I suppose, that the bulk of the "abuse" has been verbal. It's terrible, but I'm putting up with it (but obviously I've reached a turning point, or I wouldn't be thinking about divorce). There has been some physical violence, mostly directed at furniture, but a few times at me in a pretty minor way. (Not minor on my emotions). I know many, many women go through a lot more and have broken bones and black eyes. I've gotten a few bruises now and then, but nothing very serious. My heart aches for women in very threatening environments. Still, my tolerance for physical violence is quite low.

My situation is bad, but not life threatening. I have time to sort it all out if I can put up with yelling, etc. Good luck to you.

The thing is, violence escalates. Two years ago I never could have imagined my husband doing the things he did in the month before I left.

Make a plan. You have to work with what you have. I do not regret leaving, as much as I miss him sometimes. I left on January 29th of this year. It has been almost unbearably difficult sometimes, but I no longer worry about someone going through my stuff, screaming at me in front of my kids, or a thousand other things I had to deal with on almost a daily basis at times.

I didn't move in with my parents. I did NOT have a job when I left, but I found one right away. I have no idea what kind of skills you have, but don't underestimate yourself. I've seen lots of people make full, happy lives out of what seemed like nothing.

You are strong, and you deserve better. Your kids deserve better. You don't deserve to endure verbal abuse. You just don't.

Much love to you.