I feel judged

[JustVanessa]

Whenever I go out with ds, people are always asking where ds is. I live in a very small town. I feel like some kind of judgement is being passed on me. Ds goes to pre-school 2 days a week and spends time with ex and seperately ex's parents. He is with me the majority of the time. Is it so wrong that I want to get my errands done when the 3 year old is somewhere else? Of course I take him with me places, but I try to get the bulk of my errands done when ds is in preschool or with grandparents. I can't even remember the last time I had a sitter.

Yet some people, everytime I see them. Where is Byron? Why do I feel I have to justify where my son is to every freaking person. Its like, since I am not with his dad and I have full custody that he has to be with me 100% of the time.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by JustVanessa

Is it so wrong that I want to get my errands done when the 3 year old is somewhere else?

No way! I wish I could do it more often. Sure would make my and ds' time together a lot less harried and a lot more fun.

Originally Posted by JustVanessa

Why do I feel I have to justify where my son is to every freaking person. Its like, since I am not with his dad and I have full custody that he has to be with me 100% of the time.

You do not need to justify anything to the outside world. Only to the people whose lives it might directly effect, which is not the case in this situation.

Originally Posted by JustVanessa

I feel like some kind of judgement is being passed on me.

Whenever I feel like I am being judged, I find I am feeling particularly guilty about something. Such as having a day off, yet keeping ds in preschool even though he doesn't need to be there.

In such cases, I try to get to the bottom of why I might be feeling guilty about something.

Additionally, in my experience of people asking me where ds is when I am out n' about without him, it doesn't feel like judgement...more like curiousity or disappointment in not seeing him. And when I tell them where ds is, most people say, "lucky you!" or "lucky ds!"

[BelovedK]

I just wanted to say that I can relate. X and I have joint custody and they are with him alot. I get those questions as well. I also get calls from other moms trying to arrange playdates and stuff like that, i always have to explain the X has them...They seem to always forget and keep c alling. I know it is no biggie, but it bugs me just the same.

BTW, I have them a little over 60% of the time, it is a good situation for the kids, but i feel sad sometimes.

[pranamama]

hugs

[MsChatsAlot]

I think it's common. Yesterday I was at the video store and the guy asked me where my entourage was! I think it's a conversation starter for some people.

I agree with Holland...if it's bugging you, there's probably something underlying it.

[trinity6232000]

There are certain places I go where people ask where is Mattie. Especially if I stop at the deli at the grocery, they will hand me a piece of cheese before realizing that dd isn't there with me. Or the pharmacy, they always look forward to seeing dd as well.

I take it as a complement, that they enjoy seeing my dd. I never thought they were judging me or wondering where my kid is.

I live in a very small town myself. Even though there are times I wish I could remain anonymous and walk into places without anybody knowing me, I really do enjoy the small town chit chat.

[JustVanessa]

I don't think I feel guilty. Preschool is 2 half days a week for his education/enjoyment. He loves it there. I don't feel guilty about it at all. Maybe its the tone of some people I don't appreciate.

[dharmagrlpa]

Do what I do and make up crazy stuff!

Like:

It's his night out with the guys.

He's at home making me dinner, as he should be.

He's on a date.

Now, my guy is only 10 weeks old, so cater it to his age and have fun with it!

[Ruthla]

Are you sure it's "judgement" rather than dissapointment? Maybe they wanted to see your cute little boy and are sad that he's not there.

[prairieo]

hey Dharma! glad to see you've resurfaced!

I LOVE it when I can get out with fewer kids....and shopping all alone is like my version of a day at the spa. When people ask me, I just tell them. No biggie....they can think whatever they want....and I get to buy chocolate that I don't have to share!

[Bad Mama Jama]

You shouldn't have to feel as though you must let everyone who asks know his exact locale. You know that he is safe and being cared for. Don't worry what they are saying. Just keep doing the job that you do and shine that light for single mamas everywhere. Let them talk. They are going to find something to do it about anyway.