Originally Posted by mama41
OK, I see a new acronym is in order. It's PRMC.
Please read more carefully.
JSMa, I didn't compare either you or your relationship to a jug of fabric softener. I compared the length of your relationship to the age of the jug. In other words, in the scheme of things, your relationship -- or what you'd described of it -- was very new. So new that a judge would not necessarily take it seriously as a steady thing in a custody hearing. A 3-year steady relationship is something else again.
Also, no one said that your guy in particular was uninvolved before. I said that the judges know that very often, the guy is uninvolved until a new wife or gf pushes him to be involved.
As for stability, again, the courts tend to look at how the child is doing today. If the child is doing well in the current situation, they're unlikely to mess with it unless they're activists. I am not saying that this is fair to parents or sensible across the board, but that this is the name of the game. And in legal affairs, you just cannot go in trying to play by the rules that you think ought to be -- not if you want to win. There is plenty I did to secure custody that I thought was absolutely stupid and temporarily against the interests of my child. However, it is not my game, they are not my rules, and I didn't want my daughter to grow up trying to take care of a mentally ill man in isolation half the time. I followed the lawyer's advice and it worked.
In other words: Don't shoot the messenger. If you want to change the system, go to the statehouse and expect the fight to consume your life.
angilyn, I've explained how hearing about my parents' and grandmother's experiences with divorce and mental illness helped me. So although I respect your beliefs, there, my experience says otherwise.
As for the second divorced father I was involved with, I lived with him and paid his child support, which is something I won't do again for a man. But no, I had no involvement otherwise with the child. The mother certainly didn't want it, she seemed more than capable, and I saw no reason to insert myself in the situation. I respect your commitment to your dss, btw, and would hope that anyone my xh wound up with would be as responsible, if she chose to be involved with dd. For me, though, that's not a type of commitment I would want to make.