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"Girls wear shirts" - Page 2

post #21 of 65
I had never thought about this, honestly. We just finished a BBQ with the grandparents, and two of the kids were totally nakid. They were all so happy and having fun. Only when one of the babies Pooped on the patio did I think that maybe we needed to put clothes on. The kids weren't uncomfortable or in danger because of where we live.

I think that you have to pick your battles- and IMHO this ISN'T one of thoes battles. Not at this time- when you don't have clothes that she is comfortable in, or willing to wear with out a fight. When you have clothes that she likes, then maybe you could entertain this idea, but honestlly it doesn't sound like it's worth the fight.

Tell DH that in a few years she will be totally covered, and avoiding "us" (parents) like the plague- enjoy the freedom while it lasts! I'm sure she will remember the happy summer days where she felt "free" - rather than remember the summer that she learned to cover herself up.
post #22 of 65
i am uber conservitaive(sp) when it comes to my DD's
when we go to the beach DD1 wears a all in one, knee lengthe, half sleeve "wets suit" style swim suit
DS's wear trunks/shorts
DD2 wears usual clothes
saying that at home i would rather she wore pants and no top like you than a bikini/two piece outfit.

i think your DH is a bit OTT but i can understand where he comes from. if we were in the back garden no top would be fine, in th front garden i want ALL my kids to wear tops and bottoms.

Kiz
post #23 of 65
I let my DD go with no shirt, but I do insist on bottoms. This is our rule for being out in the front yard, for being in front of the picture window and for opening the door (we really have to enforce this last one - DD loves to be unrestricted by clothing).

In the back yard, I don't care if she's totally naked. We have a fenced yard.

I've also let her play in her just her underwear and a t-shirt at the park, but it was pretty much all moms with other little kids, one other little girl wearing just underwear. It was very hot that day.

I want to help DD understand modesty without teaching her to be embarrassed or feeling bad about her body.
post #24 of 65
If your dd is ok with it then that is all that matters IMO.
post #25 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
It makes your DH uncomfortable for her to be without a shirt. So why can't she wear a shirt? It doesn't really matter to you either way, but it matters to him. He is just as much her parent as you are and if it makes him uncomfortable to think of some possible pervert looking at his little girl without a shirt on then you should respect that.
I agree with that. Both are parents... both should come to a compromise that feels comfortable to them.


I personally like DSD in clothing, and future baby will be too. Wether they are innocent kids are not... I know far too much about predatory types and it just makes me uncomfortable. Plus I don't want DSD thinking she can just strip at school when she feels like it... I look at it as a consistency in rules.
post #26 of 65
In our house, DD (3.5) "must" wear undies, but anything else or nothing else is her call. No undies on is for the bath/shower & obviously while in the midst of getting dressed, but not for running around.

And as far as a shirt - at this age, it doesn't make a shred of difference to me, shirt or no shirt for playing. Out in public is a different story - and we've talked to DD about considering ALL people's feelings & comfort levels - some people may not be comfortable with no clothes on.

The thing is... if it bothered my husband, I'd not make it a big deal, I'd just put on a shirt. Because to me, harmony in front of our kids - a unified front - PARTICULARLY in an instance like this, is far more important than making a big deal out of a really really little deal. You guys can talk about it together later then & express why you're feeling the ways your feeling - what's making your husband uncomfortable, etc. But honestly, I don't think it matters either way, so just put on the shirt.
post #27 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeldamomma View Post
FWIW, I wouldn't dress my kids in a way that made my dh uncomfortable-- he's not quick to criticize that kind of thing, so when he does, I take him seriously. But then again, we aren't a "run around naked" kind of family.

I have a child who disliked clothes at that age, and I gradually figured out that it's a sensory thing. Maybe your dd would be more comfortable in loose fitting knit dresses?

ZM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
It makes your DH uncomfortable for her to be without a shirt. So why can't she wear a shirt? It doesn't really matter to you either way, but it matters to him. He is just as much her parent as you are and if it makes him uncomfortable to think of some possible pervert looking at his little girl without a shirt on then you should respect that.
I don't think it should be just about the difference of opinion between the OP and her dh. As the OP pointed out, her daughter's opinion matters too. Hopefully, they can work something out among the three of them.


ETA - No, I don't make my preschool girl wear shirts. At least not at home. And in the back, she can wear as little as she likes. In the front yard, we've started introducing a clothes rule--meaning she needs to have the bottoms covered. But that's mostly an issue when playing with the hose and she's usually pretty happy to put on a bathing suit.
post #28 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I know it's sensory with her. She's very sensitive to how clothing feels (all cotton, not to tight, not too loose.) Add to that the fact that she HATES being hot. And being shirtless is cooler, and we've got a dilemma on our hands.

I'm working on getting some loose fitting comfortable dresses for her. But they've got to be the right length because she's a very active kid and I don't want to restrict her climbing by what she's wearing.
Check out landsend. My dd finds their knit dresses comfortable, and there's usually something in the "outlet" part of the website. They wear like iron, and seem to be pretty cool.

HTH!

ZM
post #29 of 65
DD has similar sensory issues. We've had good luck with HA dresses as well as some boutique dresses like Koko Kids and Kimberly's Travels. The KT dresses are soft batiked cotton and are as close to being naked as we've found. I couldn't find info on the manufacturer online, though.

We do let her go topless in the yard and naked in the house. She is getting to the age where DP prefers she be clothed but it hasn't turned into a struggle yet.
post #30 of 65
If my dh requested that she wear a shirt, I would put one on her.

I think it is important to be respectful if he is uncomfortable.
post #31 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
It makes your DH uncomfortable for her to be without a shirt. So why can't she wear a shirt? It doesn't really matter to you either way, but it matters to him. He is just as much her parent as you are and if it makes him uncomfortable to think of some possible pervert looking at his little girl without a shirt on then you should respect that.
I think adults have a responsibility to question their assumptions and comfort levels. WHY does her DH feel uncomfortable with a female child going topless? He needs to explore that and see if he has a truly good reason to limit his child's freedom of choice.


My husband used to be very, very uncomfortable with any nudity at all - his own after a shower, our children pretty much any time. I asked him to please examine his reasons for feeling that way and to think about what he was modeling for our children regarding healthy body image vs. shame. He did think about it and has changed his stance considerably. The two of us are always working to challenge our own assumptions and gut-level reactions in order to see if they're based on something that we truly believe, or are remnants of some way of thinking that we don't currently embrace.
post #32 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
"because girls wear shirts."
My reply to that would "The evidence suggests otherwise."

post #33 of 65
i always make my little girls wear shirts..even inside. just because they dont have breasts now doesnt mean they wont grow them later. i want them in the habit of always wearing "appropriate" clothing. one of my DSDs has been molested while living with her bio-mom and now we (me and her bio-mom) are super sensitive about it. my children are not allowed in anybody's house ever without a parent and there is only one person allowed to ever babysit them. CPS was involved and currently have them placed at my house.
I dont like the thought of perverts looking at my baby girls. they are to wear undies always except in the bath. if they are not in their room getting dressed or in the bathroom taking a bath, they are to wear undies, shirts, and pants (or shorts or skorts). they arent allowed to wear skirts without shorts (or tights) either. they also have to close their curtains while changing. maybe people feel i am being over protective. oh well. i feel that those are their own body parts and they need to be kept to themselves. i myself find it unsettling to see a little girl without a shirt on. sorry if my girls get a little hot. they can wear a different shirt. we are girls, we can handle it. i am not trying to make them feel bad about their bodies. they know their bodies are just fine the way they are. i just want some modesty. for the record, my DS and DH wear a shirt of some kind as well most of the time.
post #34 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by llamalluv View Post
My reply to that would "The evidence suggests otherwise."

laughup

OP, I would ask your dh to articulate his viewpoint a bit more. Is he worried about pedophiles catching sight of her, neighbor's opinions, instilling a sense of personal modesty in your dd, or something else? Could she play in the back yard shirtless? Also, I second the knit sundress suggestion if he insists on a covered top half.
post #35 of 65
Our rule is DD has to wear bottoms outside. We are pretty open about nudity... but i admit... while I'm fine with her being shirtless, it bothers me to no end when she pulls up her shirt and "flashes" people
Just like preferring no top and shorts to a baby-bikini (dd wears a one-piece cause she is active in the pool- she wiggles out of just bottoms). I don't see a completely shirtless kiddo as immodest
post #36 of 65
My kids know that they will need to wear shirts when they have "nummers" like Mommy and Amma.

My 3 year old is a clothes horse so rarely without a shirt. My 7 year old just starting making sure she was covered about a year ago out of her own sense of wanting to cover.

The 7 year old loved to go out without a shirt until then.

Lots of modest men and boys do not go without a shirt except to swim or to play shirts and skins.
post #37 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i always make my little girls wear shirts..even inside. If they are not in their room getting dressed or in the bathroom taking a bath, they are to wear undies, shirts, and pants (or shorts or skorts). they arent allowed to wear skirts without shorts (or tights) either. they also have to close their curtains while changing. maybe people feel i am being over protective. oh well. i feel that those are their own body parts and they need to be kept to themselves. i myself find it unsettling to see a little girl without a shirt on. for the record, my DS and DH wear a shirt of some kind as well most of the time.

This is pretty much how we do it, except I have one DD two DS.
post #38 of 65
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i always make my little girls wear shirts..even inside. just because they dont have breasts now doesnt mean they wont grow them later.
: OK, this is a bit far out for me. Just because they will grow them later doesn't mean they have to act like they have them now. Dd doesn't. Heck, her tummy sticks out farther than her chest most days. She's SQUARE (measures: 23", 23", 23").

My experience with children (I'm the youngest of a large family, my field involves a lot of work in child development) has shown me that children naturally develop modesty BEFORE they develop breasts. I have no fears that my dd will be running around the neighborhood topless at age 12. Or even 8.

Ds just turned 7. 2 years ago (age 5), he was OK running around in the front/back yard without anything on. Last year (age 6), he realized that he had to wear a swimsuit when running through the sprinkler, but would change into it in the front yard. This year (age 7) he is going into the house, into his bedroom to change.

I will ask dh to articulate more.
post #39 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
Your answer is very naive. Yes, kids are innocent. Possible predators are not.
Wow, pretty snarky response here.

I think predators are going to be predators whether your kid has clothes on or not. I personally would not want to give my 4 year old daughter a complex about her body just because of the off chance a pervert might be around.

I also think this is highly cultural. When my sister was going to school in the UK at age 4-6, they did their PE class in their underwear. Both boys and girls. It was not a big deal at all.
post #40 of 65
I feel, in general, that if I am the one with a problem, I should fix it, and if someone else has a problem they should fix it. That doesn't mean that I will fling out profanities in front of my Grandmother because I can and she is the one with the problem. I feel that it is similar to NIP. There are many people with a problem with me nursing my child out and about, but they are the ones with the problem so they need to either move or change their ideas, i do not need to cover up to solve their problem for them.

Just because there are sexual offenders out there, doesn't mean my child should have to cover themselves, as a pp said, if someone wants to sexualize my child, they are going to do that no matter what a child is wearing or doing.

I also feel that teaching little girls that they have to cover up is a start to shaming them about their bodies, especially if the little boys dont have to. Just because they will one day have breasts does not make it something to hide. Heck, even when they have breasts, I don't feel that it is something they should have to hide(and I mean that in theory, it would be very hard for me to be comfortable around topless women all the time, but, that is my problem, and the way I was raised in this society, I think it would be cool if women did this) As a lactivist, I strive to make breast normal and not taboo. This does not mean that I walk around topless( though I wish I had the guts to)

I very rarely post because I have a hard time articulating what I want to say, so I hope you got the gist of it, sorry if I rambled or jumped around too much
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