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"Girls wear shirts" - Page 3

post #41 of 65
I wouldn't let a preschooler, boy or girl, go outside without a shirt on, or in a sleeveless shirt. Partly it's about modestly (yes, for both boys and girls), and partly it's about protection from the elements: either it's too cold to go without a shirt, or you're risking sunburn by doing so!

IMO, the only purpose for sleeveless shirts is as sleepwear.
post #42 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
Plus I don't want DSD thinking she can just strip at school when she feels like it... I look at it as a consistency in rules.
uh yeah. this happened to my ds (then 4) on the last day of preschool. they had an end of the year water party, and he stripped right down to his birthday suit! LOL! No one was horrified, and we just helped ds get his bathing suit back on. He's never done that again, though.

Even though I'd be pretty comfortable with dd running around shirtless outside, she usually doesn't. We walk around inside our home nude a lot. Last summer in our backyard, both of the kids stripped down and were playing in the dirt having the best time of their lives. As for my dd, I think it's fine in our backyard, but if she wanted to go to a neighbors, I'd have her put bottoms and a top on. Not because I care so much, but because I know that so many other people would be uncomfortable with her nudity. Since I want dd to be comfortable with her body, I'd be concerned that their reaction would make her uneasy and she wouldn't be able to process it.
post #43 of 65
In our house, pretty much anything goes. My 6yo ds goes nude sometimes after his bath until bed time, but we insist he wears undies in the back yard. My 11 yo dd still goes topless inside sometimes, but she stopped going topless outside when she turned 7. Her own modesty kicked in that point. I've already told her that when she starts to develop she needs to start wearing shirts all the time. Just nubbins now...so we let it slide.

My oldest ds (now 12), has always been modest. He went straight from the bath into undies from about 4yo on....funny how different sibblings can be when it comes to modesty.
post #44 of 65
My DH would not be comfortable with DD (5.5) playing outside without a shirt or clothes. Even the backyard, which is fenced, because some houses have higher elevation than ours so people walk outside and look into our yard.

Inside, she is comfortable without wearing clothes, but DH prefers that she wears underwear. She was running through the house naked one night and he got upset, but I told him she was getting ready to take a bath and it made sense not to have clothes on.

I think he is hoping that her modesty will kick in soon. Not necessarily grow up, but he seems uncomfortable at times. She would still shower with him at this point, but again, he was uncomfortable so she is allowed to shower with me or bathe with her sister.

I have no idea if DH reacts this way because DD was molested or he would have been this way all along. Hard to tell at this point and we don't have any boys to compare it to.

I think it is ok for the parents to establish rules and back each other up. If one parent feels very strongly about something like a shirt on outside, I would save my battles for something down the road.
post #45 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by llamalluv View Post
My reply to that would "The evidence suggests otherwise."

ROFL

I just want to say a word to the anti-bikini crowd. If you live near a pool where girls have to wear tops, and your daughter could not in a million years get a one-piece bathing suit off fast enough when nature called, you would find a two-piece suit. I don't know if her suit counts as a bikini because it looks more like an Olympic swim team suit than a bikini to me, but it definitely has a top and a bottom and I will always find two-piece suits for her, even once she's better at getting her gear off fast enough, because she has a very long waist and her suit will fit better.

When she was a toddler, I just had her in a cloth swim diaper in the front yard playing in the sprinkler, and then a neighbor brought over a bathing suit for her. LOL. She was MAYBE 2. ROFL.

And pedophiles will target your kids if they think they can get your kids alone, regardless of what the kids are wearing. Keep your kids close but don't focus on clothing as a risk factor because that's not where the risk is. People worry about random strangers driving within view of the front yard as if that's a major risk, and clothing choices as if that's a major risk, and then assume all their friends and family are safe babysitters with little to no consideration of risk. (Not talking about anyone in particular - just parenting and risk assessment in general.) The risk is in who is alone with our kids, not what clothing our kids have on.
post #46 of 65
Why do people insist on sexualizing toddlers?
post #47 of 65

Sexuality and such aside...

...I think all human beings should wear some form of underwear. It is kind of gross for any person, regardless of age, to sit their bare bottoms and what-not on any piece of furniture that is not a toilet. I mean, would you want to sit on my couch if I let my kids sit on it with no panties? I know I wouldn't and they're my kids.

And as far as outside goes, we live in a very sunny, very buggy area. Clothes are protection of another sort for us.
post #48 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlygirls View Post
I have no idea if DH reacts this way because DD was molested or he would have been this way all along.
my dh and i react this way because my dsd was molested.
post #49 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
ROFL

I just want to say a word to the anti-bikini crowd. If you live near a pool where girls have to wear tops, and your daughter could not in a million years get a one-piece bathing suit off fast enough when nature called, you would find a two-piece suit. I don't know if her suit counts as a bikini because it looks more like an Olympic swim team suit than a bikini to me, but it definitely has a top and a bottom and I will always find two-piece suits for her, even once she's better at getting her gear off fast enough, because she has a very long waist and her suit will fit better.
:

My niece has a long torso and finding a one piece that fits her is basically impossible. And I remember having to peel off a wet one piece bathing suit when I was a kid, I'd much rather wear a tankini style two piece.

The rule at our house is that when we're inside everyone must wear underwear. Outside everyone must wear clothing that is weather appropriate, so for my fair-skinned, blue-eyed child with a family history of skin cancer, that means keeping a shirt and hat on anytime he's outside.
post #50 of 65
there is nothing wrong or implicitily sexual about a child's body...it is our own thoughts and perceptions that are projected onto bodies that create all of the wrongness and over-sexualization of a naked body (this includes both adults and kids) (imho).

we spend a lot of time at home...this is their home just as much as it is my home. i want to wear what i am comfortable in...sometimes that is a dress with no panties on under, sometimes it is panties and a tank top, sometimes it is nothing at all. i want my kids to be completely comfortable in their own home. we have one who has some sensory stuff going on (actually both of them...and one with allergies to boot), and so they both like to be naked quite a bit. i do not *require* that they wear anything, but i do encourage them to put on undies if they are going to be sitting on the ground playing with dirt. i suppose if we had running water this would not be that big of an issue, because they could immediately hop in the tub. but, even if, after listening to my concerns, they choose to be naked outside, i don't have a problem with that. i enjoy my naked time outside, especially when the wind is blowing or it is raining. anyway...i would help them find ways to have fun and feel comfortable, and to clean up when they were done.

i do not find that my kids' privates or mine or dh's for that matter are 'dirty'...unless i know ds pooped and didn't wipe well, in which case i would help him clean up anyway. however, i would be compeletely comfortable sitting on my couch in the nude, right next to my children with no clothes on. i would be sad to think that in some way i shamed my kids into thinking their bodies (especially the parts that create new life - and when they are grown ups bring pleasure to themselves and their partner) were 'dirty'.

it's funny to me, that the more and more overtly sexual pop culture becomes, the more and more conservative parents seem to become about their children's nudity.......or is it the other way around? hmmmm......

my answer to your question is this....

you feel one way. dh feels another. have you asked your child what she thinks? have you expressed your feelings (each of you, honestly...i'm not talking about the whole 'united front' thing...i mean *your* feelings and *dh's* feelings), and then found out your dd's feelings, and then just see what happens?

for instance..."dd, i feel okay about you going out in the yard with no shirt on. daddy is not so comfortable with it, however. how do you feel about it?" she might ask daddy 'why' he is uncomfortable with it, and i think that would give him a great opportunity to explore his reasons, and also to be completely honest with his daughter...building lines of open communication and trust. then find a way for her to go outside where everyone feels comfy...perhaps naked, perhaps with undies and an under shirt, perhaps with a loose cotton dress with nothing on under, maybe you could get her a sarong (dd loves these), there are many different avenues to explore. please be sure that you are all open and honest.

i think going along with someone else's opinion just to be 'consistent' is quite a detrimental lesson for my children. i will never agree with dh just so the kids think we are on the same page....i might express my feelings, i might empathize with dh and make sure he feels heard and validated, i might work out a way that we can all feel comfortable, and i will also end up agreeing to disagree. i don't expect that he shares my values and beliefs, just like i don't want him to expect that mine will be the same as his. what i do hope is that we can both respect each other's opinions and find mutually agreeable solutions.

by the way...the older my kids get, the more modesty kicks in...i didn't have to teach them this. they are learning where their own boundaries are. they are also aware that other people may have different boundaries. just because we walk around naked in our house, does not mean they automatically strip down when we're out in public. when they were younger and did try this, i simply explained how different people have different comfort levels, and it is important to consider people's feelings and concerns when out in public. my children have understood this from the age of two, and we haven't had any issues with it.

good luck....

:
post #51 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

But it matters to HER!! Doesn't her opinion count for something?
Yes! I think so. I'm glad you wrote this.

I am personally unconcerned about my kids wearing clothes at home or in the yard. The past week has been really hot here and both kids have been completely naked in our front yard a few times.

It sounds like people are bringing up some different reasons to cover up. I have my kids cover up with hats, clothes and sunscreen for sun protection, but modesty isn't a reason for us at home.

Talking with your dh and dd sounds like a good idea so that you can all come up with a solution that you're comfortable with.
post #52 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparks* View Post
I think predators are going to be predators whether your kid has clothes on or not. I personally would not want to give my 4 year old daughter a complex about her body just because of the off chance a pervert might be around.
I agree with this.

There seems to be a set of assumptions here:
- that predators could be watching your child at any time
- that their act of watching poses an actual threat to the child
- that nudity makes a child more vulnerable to harm from a predator

I'm not convinced in the slightest that preventing my children from splashing naked in a wading pool in our back yard, or running topless on a playground, puts them at any greater risk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calidarling View Post
Just because there are sexual offenders out there, doesn't mean my child should have to cover themselves, as a pp said, if someone wants to sexualize my child, they are going to do that no matter what a child is wearing or doing.

I also feel that teaching little girls that they have to cover up is a start to shaming them about their bodies
Exactly.


Protection from the elements is an entirely different issue.
post #53 of 65
I did not read through the thread so I am responding to the OP.

I see this as less of a "parenting" issue and more of a "marriage" issue. I think either way you choose (shirt or not) won't harm DD in any way so it comes down to making a decision and sticking with it.

My feeling is that the most important thing is to understand WHY your DH feels the way he does and to know that he understands WHY you feel the way you do...not who is right or wrong. This might be one of those things that you disagree with but defer to him in the interest of peace, perhaps. And it's ok to say to DD that "Daddy feels uncomfortable with you going without a shirt because when you are older, the law requires you to wear one" or whatever and that saves face for both parents but presents a united front.
post #54 of 65
ITA with stinkerbell, it's not about parenting so much, as about compromises in the marriage. EVERY marriage has it's issues. So you somehow need to find a neutral platform to discuss said differences, this included. IME covering up for sun protection is completely valid. "because girls wear shirts" is not. Perhaps the compromise is that he admit he's been socialized to 'believe' that there are right and wrong things that girls (not teens, not women, etc.) *should* be doing, and you can ask her to wear a shirt to protect her from too much sun?
post #55 of 65
I count a girl's chest among her private parts to be protected. So I'd prefer a girl wear a shirt outside as well.
post #56 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by hubris View Post
ditto that, and I'm SO happy to be a part of a parent community where people don't oversexualize the behavior of small children.
It's not the average person I worry about oversexualizing a young person's body. It's the creeps out there who may see, peep and stalk.
post #57 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by hubris View Post
There seems to be a set of assumptions here:
- that predators could be watching your child at any time
- that their act of watching poses an actual threat to the child
- that nudity makes a child more vulnerable to harm from a predator

I'm not convinced in the slightest that preventing my children from splashing naked in a wading pool in our back yard, or running topless on a playground, puts them at any greater risk.
Realistically, that's right. At the same time, I prefer my son keep his genitals covered outside, because they are private parts. I would like all my kids, male or female, to be dressed with a shirt and bottoms while outside.

I don't want my kids' photos taken, I don't want my kids' getting any unusual interest, and for me, having them dressed is what I think is most appropriate. They can run around inside naked all they want.

I don't think it's at all shaming, as long as parents treat it with the right attitude and don't make it a shaming thing. Mom and Dad wear clothes outside too, we don't go naked.

There is a lot of child porn out there, and a huge market of people who view child porn. I feel my children's bodies are beautiful, healthy and natural, but they are private and not for public viewing.
post #58 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
Why do people insist on sexualizing toddlers?
I don't know, but don't be naive about it, people who view toddlers and children as sex objects are all over.
post #59 of 65
We let our oldest DD go with out a shirt at times until about 6 or 7 (I forget which) at that time we started feeling uncomfortable about it. She has to wear at least an undershirt now.

DD2 is 2.5 and allowed to go with out a shirt inside. The only reason I'm not ok with it outside is the sun. She is so fair that I prefer her have the extra protection. That goes for my 6 year old son too.
post #60 of 65
I dont see the big deal.
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