Wow. I really feel for you in your situation. It sounds like your dh has no respect or appreciation for your daily tasks and how much is required from/of you.
My dh was raised by a mom who stayed at home, and did everything for him. I was raised by a single mom who worked two jobs, and did everything for me...So, it was a big adjustment -- we both wanted to be taken care of
! but, eventually we hit a groove.
We figured out what each of us would do -- ie what we didn't mind doing -- I enjoy cooking, dh does not. So, I do the cooking, by that right that means dh cleans up after dinner.
I'll say to him: OK, do you want to do the dishes or ds's bath? At first he'd say neither, and I'd tell him that both need to be done so he needed to pick one...KWIM?
Also, I don't know what age your dc are, or if you're bfing, but if you could leave them for a few days with dh, it might give him a different appreciation for the work that is involved in parenting and running a home...
I did this when ds was 6months and dh called me the first night and said "I had NO idea how much work it is to get him to sleep...wow!"
I don't know what else to tell you, 14 years is a long time to create a routine that you want to change with an unwilling partner.
I really hope things work out for you and you're able to get past this!