Passive Agressive store person - negative NIP experience

[joannejoanne]

I just had my first negative NIP situation today. It wasn't confrontational but it still made me upset for the rest of the day.

I was in a JoAnn's Fabric and my 11 month old (who was in his Ergo) indicated he wanted to nurse as I was getting some fabric cut. I left my DH with the fabric and wandered down an empty aisle to nurse. Now, I am quite a lactivist but still, I am a very modest person and I always nurse super discreetly. I got my DS all set up (latched with my shirt pulled down over any *gasp* bare flesh) and I wandered back to the cutting table. I continued to nurse discreetly as the woman finished up with my fabric. My son may have popped off a few times but I have my hand right under my breast (they are large and I have to "hold" them up for him to nurse) and I always pull my shirt over the nipple immediately until he wants to latch on again. As I said before, I am super modest and I have never felt like I am exposing anything in nursing this way.

The store person finished cutting my fabric and then looked at me and said, "You should go see Linda at the Viking counter. She can show you a pattern for nursing cover that is SO CUTE." She said it with a big fake smile.

I think I said thanks because I was so shocked but I wish now I had said, "I don't need a cover."

Instead I walked away feeling mad and kinda embarrassed.

This is what bothers me. Why do I feel embarrassed?! I believe in BFing and NIP and I know I was super discreet and yet I feel chastised. Is it just this stupid society's programming rearing its ugly subconscious head?

Anyway, I have felt annoyed ever since at the woman and at myself.

[rmzbm]

"Does Linda have any "cute" fabrics to cover your mouth?" But I'm mean...

Sorry you had to experience her.

[shanti1]

I'm sorry you are upset. Is it possible she was just being friendly....noticed you were nursing, knew about the cover pattern and decided to make conversation? The comment seems benign to me w/o tone or facial expressions to go along w/it.

[txgal]

Perhaps she saw how discreet you were trying to be and assumed that a nursing cover would make it easier for you. I know probably not true, but maybe thinking of it that way will make you feel better.

[intorainbowz]

I'm very sorry you felt mistreated.

However she is a sales person, and she could have been thinking she could get you to buy a pattern and the fabric needed to make a cover. They call it upsell.

[joannejoanne]

I guess she might possibly have been trying to be nice but at the time I was very sure she was not. It was just the way she said it. I wasn't drawing any attention to my nursing or acting frazzled. In fact, I am pretty good at it and I think look very zen when I NIP ()

I came back to the table and was chatting to my DH about the fabric and then the store person tried to get us to fill out an address sheet to get coupons mailed to us. I asked if I could do it online and get online coupons (I privately thought that the last thing we need is more paper floating about) and she was kinda huffy about it. That was when she suddenly told me to go talk to the nursing cover person.

I don't know.

I don't mean to think the worst but it seemed like an odd thing to say.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

If it felt sucky, then it was sucky.

If it were me, I'd consider calling her at her job and telling her so. I'm just starting to get to that point, myself.

[Meredith&Alexander]

I'll give her credit for seeing a sales opportunity, but a bop for her ack of grace!

[SwanMom]

It sounds to me like she was just trying to make conversation--she knew you were nursing and maybe she just thought all nursing moms wanted nursing covers--she might not have been a mom. I wouldn't take it personally.

[Teyu]

hmm. it could be possible that she sensed that you are modest and like to be discreet while NIPing: finding an empty aisle, not showing nipple, making sure all bare flesh is covered.

it still sucks that you feel bad though.

but i am wondering about the odds of her suggesting a cover to a "whip it out" [i dont like that term] type of mama. not that what you did is wrong or bad!!! just people are different and i think she sensed that you liked *some* privacy.

[want2bmoms]

Originally Posted by txgal

Perhaps she saw how discreet you were trying to be and assumed that a nursing cover would make it easier for you. I know probably not true, but maybe thinking of it that way will make you feel better.

S

he can show you a pattern for nursing cover that is SO CUTE." She said it with a big fake smile.

try spending all day talking to people and being nice and making conversation and smiling and freaking smiling some more... after a while you for get how to genuinly smile at someone...

I left my DH with the fabric and wandered down an empty aisle to nurse. Now, I am quite a lactivist but still, I am a very modest person and I always nurse super discreetly. I got my DS all set up (latched with my shirt pulled down over any *gasp* bare flesh) and I wandered back to the cutting table. I continued to nurse discreetly as the woman finished up with my fabric.

Plus, with a nursing cover, maybe you wouldn't feel the need to walk to an empty aisle to be discrete...

s I am sorry you feel uncomfortable, in the end that is all that matters.

[velcromom]

That stinks to be on the recieving end of the pointed remark veiled in kindness. I'd be ornery enough to go back in there with a comment at the ready, lol.

[eepster]

The way you mentioned being descrete in your OP several times, and the whole complex system that you do with your hand covering, and then when she offered you coupons you asked about doing it online. She was probably thinking "this poor gal needs a cover so she can relax and have her hands free and not panic every time a little nipple showed."

I actually used to work as a fabric cutter and one time a lady picked up her baby and started nursing in front of me. Since every nursing mom I had know needed to sit while nursing I felt very compelled to offer her a chair. At the time it completely amazed me that she didn't need a chair.

[acannon]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

"Does Linda have any "cute" fabrics to cover your mouth?" But I'm mean...

:

[jocelyndale]

I've never been in a Joann's where the clerks tried to upsell.

Heck, half the time, it's hard enough getting polite service. They seem perennially overworked and understaffed.

I'd be upset by that comment, too.

[joannejoanne]

I appreciate all the replies that are giving the woman the benefit of the doubt. I do try to see the best in people most of the time. And maybe you are right.

But I do want to say again that I was not acting frazzled or like the nursing was in anyway difficult. It may sound like I have a weird covering up system but really it's just that I have to hold up my boob for my son because they are large and when my hand is tucked under it, it is really easy to use my thumb to sneak my shirt down over my nipple when he pops off. I wandered off down an empty aisle just because getting my son positioned in the Ergo sometimes takes a little shifting but once he's latched and we're set it's very easy. Frankly, trying to get him set under some sort of cover would be much more difficult.

And I was not refusing to fill out the card because I had no hands free, in fact, my DH grabbed a pen and was poised to begin filling it out and I stopped him and asked if we could do it online because I just didn't want more paper stuff filling up our mailbox.

Also, I didn't go into all the background stuff before because I was trying to keep my post somewhat short (heh heh - a feat for me) but I should add that when we got up to the table I had some fabric we'd had cut about 15 minutes earlier by a different person. Then I had found other fabric I liked better (the fabric we were asking this woman to cut) so I asked her if it was possible for us to not get the original fabric we'd had cut. She rolled her eyes at me and huffed, "Well now it'll have to be remnents!" and proceeded to huff and act like it was such a big deal to take the fabric and cancel the order (sighing and frowning and sighing and frowning repeatedly as she grabbed the fabric). So I don't think she was feeling super kindly towards me. And then she seemed offended when I wanted to do the coupon thing online. She'd been all frowny and huffy with us up until she decided to give me this BIG smile about the cover. That is why it felt fake to me.

But again, who knows now? A day later it IS hard to remember exactly how it all went down. It's just at the time I flushed up with indignation immediately so I have to think there was something negative going on there. Or else the sleep deprivation is finally making me crazy

[mom2snugbugs]

Originally Posted by jocelyndale

I've never been in a Joann's where the clerks tried to upsell.

Heck, half the time, it's hard enough getting polite service. They seem perennially overworked and understaffed.

I'd be upset by that comment, too.

I agree- I can never get any help in a Joann's unless I ask, and then they seem upset and put out that I would *dare* ask them for something.

I agree that she was being rude. If you wanted a pattern for the cover, you would have asked. You weren't wearing a cover, so obviously you don't use them. I feel like if people offer you an alternative for what you are doing, then they don't like the way you are doing it.

Case in point, at the mall with dc1 I was nip in the food court. A security guard came to me and said that the mall had a nice comfy room for nursing moms. She was just suggesting it, not telling me I had to go there. I said no thanks, and it was all good. But If I am sitting there, eating, not being uncomfortable or frazzled, why would she offer me an alternative to what I was doing unless she wanted me to move?

Its one of those, "You know, you can move your meal, your whole family, get up, unattach your nursing babe, walk until you find the room and go in there without your family so *you* will be more comfortable."

Uh, no thanks.

[paquerette]

I know that Joanns had a NIP incident about a year or two ago and consequently were supposed to do some staff training. I wonder if she skipped that part. I might be tempted to call the manager and suggest that she needs a refresher course.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

Yeah, any treatment of 'nursing cover' as normal is a drag.

If you didn't ask, she had no business implying the need of one at all.