People are Impossible ...... especially family!!

[ishereal]

So I went to Decatur, IL this weekend for a family get together and of course my LO was the talk of the town because he is the newest arrival and also my "natural parenting" because it is unheard of in my family .. well they have been making a mockery of me for choosing to exclusively b'f and to not circ and other things but those are the big two. My grandma tried to give a lick of a tootsie roll lollipop last week and this past weekend her and my mom thought it would ne funny to put CAKE ICING on his lip and let him eat it off, I WAS LIVID (they made fun of me for not wanting him to have high fructose corn syrup )::: and they know it. Then my great aunt chimed in saying that "b'f babies don't get enough milk that is why they are always hungry" WTF, so now my breast milk is not sufficiemt enough to supply my child with what he needs she says that you should give the baby formula so he can get full and also cereal in his milk : and when ever you bring up how b'fing is best they always say "well my children turned out alright" .............. yeah right.............. LOL rant over

p.s. wait until they hear about the no t.v. rule

[Jennisee]

I'm sorry they give you so much trouble. It's hard when you do things differently than the rest of your family. I tell myself that I don't care what our families think, but when I get that one rare compliment it makes me happier than it should, KWIM?

(BTW, off to PM you the links I promised....assuming DS doesn't wake up first. )

[pixiepunk]

mama - i haven't had quite the number of crazy comments you have, but my MIL did think i was nuts for not giving DD1 mashed potatoes (with butter and milk in them!) when she was like 3 months old and about a month later when DD1 started cutting her first teeth i got lots of "well, time to wean her to a bottle" comments.

i find the best way to deal with a lot of the ignorant comments is to act completely and utterly shocked. and often, it's not an act, i am truly shocked. like why would i wean my DD just because she now has a tooth? WTF? and that's pretty much the reaction she got from me, and she never mentioned the word bottle in front of me ever again she even stopped asking when i was going to wean her around 18 months. i think she started to realize i was serious and felt happier not knowing whether we were still nursing or not.

also, as far as the whole "well my kids turned out OK" comments. there are two levels to that. the first is that they obviously feel judged because you are making different choices than they did. so if you think they would handle a heart-to-heart talk you could try to explain that you understand that's what the thinking of the day was and you don't judge their choices at all, but that a lot has changed and they don't recommend those things anymore, so you're following the most recent medical evidence as per your pediatrician, the AAP and the WHO.
of course, if you're feeling cheeky, i like to respond to that commend of "well my kids (or I) turned out OK" by saying something like "well, i'm not conducting an experiment to try and figure how poorly i can parent my children and still have them turn out OK."

[spookymama]

Oh my goodness! That's unbelievable!

What the hell is wrong with people? What would make it funny for a newborn to have sugar? I admire your strength and patience to not rip them a new one, or cut off communication with them completely..

UGH.
My dad did something similar once.. The boy was much older then your ds though, he was 5 months old. In this case I went to the bathroom (stupid me), and when I came back my dad was about to give him some whip cream and nuts from a bakers square pie. I lost it.

My mom is also that way, though I've warned her. If I catch her giving him stuff , like soda.. etc. That will be the last time she sees him.

I think its more of a passive aggressive issue as well as a lack of respect. People who do these kind of things seem to take pleasure in breaking the rules/punishing the person, and getting things done their way.

Keep doing what you are doing, mama. You are doing a GREAT Job!

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by ishereal

So I went to Decatur, IL this weekend for a family get together and of course my LO was the talk of the town because he is the newest arrival and also my "natural parenting" because it is unheard of in my family .. well they have been making a mockery of me for choosing to exclusively b'f and to not circ and other things but those are the big two. My grandma tried to give a lick of a tootsie roll lollipop last week and this past weekend her and my mom thought it would ne funny to put CAKE ICING on his lip and let him eat it off, I WAS LIVID (they made fun of me for not wanting him to have high fructose corn syrup )::: and they know it. Then my great aunt chimed in saying that "b'f babies don't get enough milk that is why they are always hungry" WTF, so now my breast milk is not sufficiemt enough to supply my child with what he needs she says that you should give the baby formula so he can get full and also cereal in his milk : and when ever you bring up how b'fing is best they always say "well my children turned out alright" .............. yeah right.............. LOL rant over

p.s. wait until they hear about the no t.v. rule

Hi, I don't belong here, see my sig.

I just wanted to say when i first had my little man, my family acted similar. they more or less treated my like I was completely insane.

I have found that my parenting choices had to force me to put a little bit of distance between myself and my family until I was able to feel really confident and comfortable instead of brand new at this, you know? I also had to learn how to assert myself against then, a brand new concept that I never thought I'd have to learn to say NO!! and mean it to my own mama.
After I fell into a confident comfortable routine I was able to visit my family a little bit more.

I also learned another thing:
Mamas can be EXTREMELY defensive about their past parenting. My mom was one of these people. Many mama's are. They look at what you do, and sometimes think (however subconcious it may be) that you're implying that they didn't raise you/your brothers and sisters/their own kids "correctly". That can make them come off offensive when they see you bf'ing your kids and do a lot of things that's now considered "best" that they didn't do.

I kinda learned that I sorta had to lay low, and express my exuberance over newfound joys of natural parenthood to other similar minded mamas or either here than with my family. It seemed to hurt my mama and make her defensive whenever I talk about how wonderful it is that my little man has never hardly gotten so much as a cold his whole first year of life due mainly to my breastfeeding him. I couldn't hardly say anything to her without her coming off directly with, "well, I had to do this, that, the doctor told me the other, so I didn't know.." as if I was chastising her, when I wasn't.

Also it is the tradition in some families to listen to the grandmother on how to raise the kid, what to feed the kid, and how to do exactly what she did. And it can sometimes come off as a hard blow when the new mama strikes out and does something different. Don't let that deter you from keeping doing what you doing. Educate those who are willing to listen, but just igore those who aren't.

Also, if people have shown themselves capable of feeding your kid behind your back, watch them like a hawk, PLEASE. I've been there and lots of other folks have been there where some one else gets the kids first bite of food in before the parents do. It makes me LIVID. The first feeding is supposed to be special, and is to be AT MOM'S DISCRETION, not for other people to steal that moment from you. (To think a 1 month old is ready for something like cake frosting is absolute craziness!)

I wish you the best. I"ll exit out of this due date club now..

May I had you as a friend on my myspace? (My name is Sonya, btw...)

[Jennisee]

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

of course, if you're feeling cheeky, i like to respond to that commend of "well my kids (or I) turned out OK" by saying something like "well, i'm not conducting an experiment to try and figure how poorly i can parent my children and still have them turn out OK."

When people say that to me, the evil voice in my head wants to point out all the ways their kids didn't turn out ok.

[treehuggermama]

I remember how hard it was with my first babe as well...As one pp said you are still developing your confidence as a parent and when you choose to parent AP you are going against the norm in a lot of places. Hang tough Mama; you are doing right by your LO. I am in the STL area too and find it is way harder to be an AP parent here then it was out west as well.

[chely7425]

I am sorry they are being so judgemental of you!! I have gotten pretty lucky with everything so far... my mom CD-ed all of us and breastfed me till I was 2 and my brother and sister till they were 4 (side note... can you IMAGINE breast feeding 4 year old twins? Woman must be a saint...) Anyway, the few people who have said things I just kind of brush off... a lot of people have been really shocked at how easy cloth diapers are now, I always find that amusing!! I hope they stop trying to feed him behind your back s

[tinyshoes]

wow--GOOD for you for sticking to your guns!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FROSTING!?!?!

gabysmom617, pixiepunk--great advice and observations.

I will admit: I am excited to be mama to baby #3, because NOW I have the conviction to stand up to relatives and well-meaning but annoying people. It is definitly a challenge to become a mother AND have all sorts of critical people being unsupportive!!

Imagine what your trip would have been like if people had asked, 'oh, interesting--why are you making that choice?" to you instead of being unsupportive and dismissive.

Good for you & we're here whenever you need to vent! coz you'll get annoyed again for sure!

[ishereal]

Originally Posted by treehuggermama

I remember how hard it was with my first babe as well...As one pp said you are still developing your confidence as a parent and when you choose to parent AP you are going against the norm in a lot of places. Hang tough Mama; you are doing right by your LO. I am in the STL area too and find it is way harder to be an AP parent here then it was out west as well.

This is SOOOOOOOOOO true........

[Organicavocado]

nak

lol your family has said the wierdest stuff. your kid needs formula... oh whatever did parents do beforethe miracle of chemicals and sugar that is formula? you poor thing.