How would you have handled these situations?

[mamasaurus]

Scenario #1:

I took my kids to a friend's birthday party today. It was at a park. There were about 9-10 kids there, and parents, too. A group of kids my kids normally hang out with, and two girls I hadn't met before. The oldest girl in the group is 8 years old. I'll call her Susie. She and one of the new girls were hanging out together - I think the new girl was 7. My 5yo tried interacting with them.

***I should say here that my 5yo has Aspergers and is rather high-functioning, although she really struggles in social situations.

I wasn't around her and the other girls every single moment - meaning sometimes they were out of my earshot while I was with my 3yo. But I could see them and all seemed ok - no squabbles, everyone getting along, although I know that my 5yo seems to get on Susie's nerves sometimes, based on past play dates.

Then after a while, my 5yo came to me in tears, very upset, and said, "Those two girls said that I was very spoiled, and I'm really sad!"

As the parent, how would you have handled this, in that situation?


Scenario #2:

Susie, same girl, brought an instrument she had learned to play and played "Happy Birthday" for the birthday girl. My 5yo was very excited and interested, and when Susie was done playing, my 5yo went up to her and put out her finger and played the instrument a little without asking. Susie said her name loudly, in a very annoyed voice. She was clearly unhappy that my 5yo did this.

How would you have handled this one?

[hubris]

Situation #1: I would have validated my child's feelings, talked about how she feels, and asked if there were some way that I could help her. In my DS1's case, that probably would have involved my supporting him while he approached the older children and let them know how he felt when they said that.

#2: validated Susie's annoyance, explained her annoyance to my child, and maybe see if I can support them in finding a mutually agreeable solution.


What did you do? What aspects of the situations were most difficult for you?

[MommytoTwo]

Scenario 1 - I would have explained that it wasnt true and sometimes people say things that arent nice.

Scenario 2- I would have said nothing. I think Susie's mom should have explained to her that when you bring thigns to a park other kids may touch them/play with them.

[Katzchen]

Senerio 1: I would have explained that sometime people say not-so-nice things that aren't true to hurt others feelings.

Senerio 2: I would have explained why Susie was upset and incouraged my child to ask before he plays with others' belongings.

For both scenerios since Susie and my child seem to be having repeated issues, I probably would have encouraged my child to find more age appropriate friends to play with.

[meganeilis]

Scenario 1: I would have comforted DC, and directed her to another activity. If it was that upsetting, I may have approached Susie's parent and expressed that she had been hurtful to a significantly younger child. I'd also make an effort in the future to steer her away from Susie. Three years is a big gap at that age, and if Susie doesn't enjoy their encounters, it would probably be best that they not spend time alone together.

Scenario 2: I would have explained to my child that instruments are special objects, they are not toys to be played with and shared, and that she should ask before touching next time.

[VisionaryMom]

Scenario 1: I'm not sure honestly. I wouldn't say it's not true because it's a subjective belief. I'm very straightforward, and maybe Susie's right. I would say that sometimes others may have negative feelings about us, and that's okay. Everyone doesn't have to like my children.

Scenario 2: As the pp said, I would have explained that instruments aren't toys. They're not public property, even if they're brought to a public place.

[OhDang]

#1: I would have comforted my child and told them to try not to let other people's opinions get them down.

#2: I would of told my child that it's not nice to use other people's things without asking.

I would also try to limit interactions between the child and susie, since it seems they can't get along

[Tigerchild]

#1: I'd explain to my child that Susie and friends weren't feeling very friendly, so let's go find another group to play with. Like another PP said, unless I had seen the entire interaction, I wouldn't know if my kid *had* engaged in behavior that could be percieved that way. All of my kids are perfectly capable of behaving like real tools sometimes, just like every other kid I've met. I might ask what they were doing before Susie said that with an older child, but for a 5 year old, especially one that already has some trouble reading social cues...I probably wouldn't have bothered. My DD was helped most by me telling her that so and so wasn't feeling friendly, and wanted to be left alone. That was able to help her over time learn to brush off comments and behaviors like that and not take them personally.

#2: I'd explain to my 5 year old never to touch a musician's instrument without permission. I don't think Susie was in the wrong here. Park or no, an instrument isn't a toy like a ball or a shovel.