Ex walked out in August 2003, so it's been almost five years. At the time our kids were 9, 5, and 4 months. The first year he was gone he took the older two kids places maybe four or five times, but never the youngest. He visited here often though - I pretty much had an open-door policy for him to come here. Until recently, the last time he took the kids anywhere (and again, it was only the older two) was October 2005. In 2007 he saw the kids four times altogether (again, here in my house) - in February, in March, Father's Day, then Christmas Day. He's been big on drinking and women since he left here - two DUIs and did 30 days in jail with work release last spring, at least two girlfriends that he lived with - those are the ones I know about.
In that whole time he never came to a band concert, a volleyball game, a school open house, a church play, a band competition, or a football game, even though I made sure to scan and email him the schedules I received.
Fast forward to last August when I told him that I was filing for divorce. It was purely for morality reasons on my part - after four years apart I had finally agreed to go on my first date in May, and by August I knew I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But my own morals had a hard time with being legally married to one man while totally in love with someone else. So I filed in September and we started battling - he finally signed the papers in December, and our divorce was finalized February 7th of this year. Our divorce agreement gave me primary physical and legal custody and him "reasonable visitation". He willingly signed off on that.
In January he informed me that he was moving in with someone - someone the kids had never even heard of. My oldest had a hard time with that, because she said that if this woman was important enough to her dad to move in with she would have liked to have at least known she existed. She also didn't like the fact that he was living with her, without getting married. Easy for a fourteen year old to say - I tried to explain that things change as you get older, and that she shouldn't judge her dad, just wish him well and hope he's happy. So in January they come to oldest daughter's band concert (the first one he had ever been to since he left, and he was informed of them all), and in February they come to another. Then in the middle of February he calls to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant and they are getting married.
So March rolls around and he wants to take the kids to dinner. Fine with me, I can use the break! I meet them at a restaurant (he has no driver's license because of the DUIs), drop kids off, come back later to pick kids up. Next week same deal at bowling alley. Two weeks later another dinner. Then three weeks go by. Suddenly he has his license back and wants to pick kids up. Fine. They go with him a couple more times. Last Thursday night he picks them up, brings them back an hour and a half later, and I find out that he got pulled over for speeding and surprise surprise, he doesn't really have his license back, he was driving on a suspended license. I don't say a word to him about it - just shake my head and fume inside. Saturday he is supposed to pick them up at 9 and bring them back at 3. This was the time he decided on, the longest time he will have ever had them, but I'm comfortable with that because he has been increasingly doing more with them. We make plans for Saturday night, because *he* said he'd be bringing them back at 3. At the last minute he tells me he can't pick them up until noon (according to him he has to work that morning, because after all, he has to pay my bills
I cancelled the plans I had for Saturday morning with my sweetheart, but didn't say a word to him about it. He informs me that he'll have them home "by seven" and I tell him that won't work - that we have plans, plans that have been arranged around what he told me he would be doing with the kids. Needless to say, he's pissed off. He wants to know what we're doing. He wants to know where "his" kids will be and with whom. He fusses. He fumes. He threatens to take me to court. And on and on and on. He grudgingly brings them back - 45 minutes late. Yesterday he informs me that he wants to take them on vacation with him (the week school starts, the kids nixed that idea themselves) and he wants them to spend three weeks with him this summer - this is the man who hasn't ever even had them for an overnight. Sigh....
So how do you handle it when you've been single parenting with little to no contact with the other parent for almost five years, and suddenly he decided that he "has rights" and wants to play Super-Dad? And do I just keep going on the way I am or call his bluff and tell him to take me to court? He wants to start taking them overnight, which I'm not thrilled with, but I can handle - but three weeks this summer when he's never even kept them for more than three hours seems ridiculous to me. Am I just being overprotective? Selfish?
I'm considering calling him later today and telling him that he can have them overnight Friday, then going on to tell him what a huge favor it will be because my sweetheart and I are celebrating our anniversary and have a very special night planned - I figure that will put him over the edge and he'll refuse, just to spite me. kekekekeke
Any advice would be greatly welcome - I'm just having a hard time feeling like I'm supposed to tell him where the kids will be when they're with me, when I've been parenting alone for five years without him ever caring before....
In that whole time he never came to a band concert, a volleyball game, a school open house, a church play, a band competition, or a football game, even though I made sure to scan and email him the schedules I received.
Fast forward to last August when I told him that I was filing for divorce. It was purely for morality reasons on my part - after four years apart I had finally agreed to go on my first date in May, and by August I knew I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But my own morals had a hard time with being legally married to one man while totally in love with someone else. So I filed in September and we started battling - he finally signed the papers in December, and our divorce was finalized February 7th of this year. Our divorce agreement gave me primary physical and legal custody and him "reasonable visitation". He willingly signed off on that.
In January he informed me that he was moving in with someone - someone the kids had never even heard of. My oldest had a hard time with that, because she said that if this woman was important enough to her dad to move in with she would have liked to have at least known she existed. She also didn't like the fact that he was living with her, without getting married. Easy for a fourteen year old to say - I tried to explain that things change as you get older, and that she shouldn't judge her dad, just wish him well and hope he's happy. So in January they come to oldest daughter's band concert (the first one he had ever been to since he left, and he was informed of them all), and in February they come to another. Then in the middle of February he calls to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant and they are getting married.
So March rolls around and he wants to take the kids to dinner. Fine with me, I can use the break! I meet them at a restaurant (he has no driver's license because of the DUIs), drop kids off, come back later to pick kids up. Next week same deal at bowling alley. Two weeks later another dinner. Then three weeks go by. Suddenly he has his license back and wants to pick kids up. Fine. They go with him a couple more times. Last Thursday night he picks them up, brings them back an hour and a half later, and I find out that he got pulled over for speeding and surprise surprise, he doesn't really have his license back, he was driving on a suspended license. I don't say a word to him about it - just shake my head and fume inside. Saturday he is supposed to pick them up at 9 and bring them back at 3. This was the time he decided on, the longest time he will have ever had them, but I'm comfortable with that because he has been increasingly doing more with them. We make plans for Saturday night, because *he* said he'd be bringing them back at 3. At the last minute he tells me he can't pick them up until noon (according to him he has to work that morning, because after all, he has to pay my bills
I cancelled the plans I had for Saturday morning with my sweetheart, but didn't say a word to him about it. He informs me that he'll have them home "by seven" and I tell him that won't work - that we have plans, plans that have been arranged around what he told me he would be doing with the kids. Needless to say, he's pissed off. He wants to know what we're doing. He wants to know where "his" kids will be and with whom. He fusses. He fumes. He threatens to take me to court. And on and on and on. He grudgingly brings them back - 45 minutes late. Yesterday he informs me that he wants to take them on vacation with him (the week school starts, the kids nixed that idea themselves) and he wants them to spend three weeks with him this summer - this is the man who hasn't ever even had them for an overnight. Sigh....So how do you handle it when you've been single parenting with little to no contact with the other parent for almost five years, and suddenly he decided that he "has rights" and wants to play Super-Dad? And do I just keep going on the way I am or call his bluff and tell him to take me to court? He wants to start taking them overnight, which I'm not thrilled with, but I can handle - but three weeks this summer when he's never even kept them for more than three hours seems ridiculous to me. Am I just being overprotective? Selfish?
I'm considering calling him later today and telling him that he can have them overnight Friday, then going on to tell him what a huge favor it will be because my sweetheart and I are celebrating our anniversary and have a very special night planned - I figure that will put him over the edge and he'll refuse, just to spite me. kekekekeke
Any advice would be greatly welcome - I'm just having a hard time feeling like I'm supposed to tell him where the kids will be when they're with me, when I've been parenting alone for five years without him ever caring before....
:
I was just emphasizing that I would tell the ex where the children are, not my every move. My every move would not be his business. But he does have a right to know where the kids are. Sorry if the bolds came across as yelling, I always thought Caps were yelling. I thought in the quote above you were asking me, how I would work things.
