or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Blended and Step Family Parenting › Need advice on dealing with 13yr old SS now living with us
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Need advice on dealing with 13yr old SS now living with us - Page 2

post #21 of 23
My dd has gmail chats (only people you invited can chat), a youtube account, and does various other things online. She spends a lot of time online and has a lot of fun. I rarely check on her and have no controls but the couple of times I've gotten worried I told her I needed to check on her.
post #22 of 23
My daughter is not a teen yet but she is into her computer and has her own gmail account and chats on it. I like gmail because it's invite only so you can screen who you can talk to.

My one question/thought that no one's brought up is that it seems like as important (if not more important) than monitoring is talking to your kids about how to keep themselves safe in all situations (chat rooms/cyberspace, meeting strangers, at school, gym, etc) and explaining the notion that while many networking aspects of the internet can seem like an online version of real life groups of friends (eg., Facebook) that they are actually very public with real consequences and teaching/discussing parameters for how to safely and comfortably use them effectively.

In my view, constant monitoring/controlling is not effective because kids are clever and always find ways to rebel. If they haven't been taught how to take care of themselves and how to trust and come to you with things then they can get hurt regardless of the level of monitoring. I would rather focus on building a trusting relationship and creating forums for open and honest discussion. I think you can pay really close attention without constantly supervising. I think this method would go triple time for a stepkid you're just developing a relationship with.

Also, fwiw, on the hickey: I think kids at this age are just beginning a whole process of sexual exploration and it's totally normal and developmentally appropriate. Again, I think the key is trust and open communication to help kids learn how to explore and deal with their increasingly powerful and frequently overwhelming new feelings.
post #23 of 23
Thread Starter 
Bronxmom - thanks! You raise a great point. In fact, this whole post started when I asked my SS who he was chatting with and he got angry and said he hates being asked that. That was when I realized something needed to change... because he does not want to have an open dialogue about it. He's a little secretive, which is probably normal for his age. Clearly his dad needs to have the dialogue with him, not me. I would like to be able to talk to him about it without him getting angry. Perhaps someday. He's a very private kid. First I needed to know if it was normal for him to be chatting a lot at all!!! Seems like it is. Next step - setting the parental controls on the computer...

Thanks everybody!!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Blended and Step Family Parenting › Need advice on dealing with 13yr old SS now living with us