I don't know what I'd do.
I was of the "not for us, but it's not a big deal anyway" school of thought until after SJ was born, actually. Our Ped is strongly anti-circ, so that ratified our "why bother to circ" thought ... I didn't do a lot of research though, it just didn't make sense to us to do it.
Once I started reading here and doing research, though, I became much more informed. In the meantime, a dear friend has had three sons. The first two were born before I was so strongly anti-circ, and circ never came up in conversation. I guess I must confess that I was a coward, and felt uncomfortable bringing it up prior to #3's birth (and was hoping she'd have a dd anyway as she so wanted one) .... I never asked what she thought or knew about circ. And when she called me with questions about cloth diapering and mentioned her ds' circ, I felt *awful.* I let her, and him, down by not asking her anything about how she felt about circ, or sending links to her or etc. At the same time, I'm not cutting off ties with her, because it is MY fault I didn't say anything; and knowing her, I think she did it because she was 'supposed to,' without a lot of research, but believing it was for the best. Not an informed decision.
On the other hand, I have had the 'no circ' conversation with one of my sisters (who had her first bio babe this spring). They had a dd; if after our conversation, they'd had a ds and circ'd, it would have been very difficult.
I think one thing we need to always examine when these circumstances come to pass [where someone circ's despite discussing it and researching it with us] - the first question we need to ask ourselves, is what can we change about our approach? Was there something different we could have tried? Less overt? More overt? Were we too soft-spoken, or too harsh? Did we accidentally ratify some of their concerns?
There is a huge societal pressure (still) towards circ. And it's hard for some people to overcome. I think one of the things that happens is that they *choose not to believe* the factual research presented, because it contradicts the 'reality' they believe in. It's too difficult for them to question that reality and contradict it. So - are those people making a fully informed decision? [In either direction - circ or intact]
I struggle with this issue sometimes (beyond circumcision, or breastfeeding, or whatever). I was raised to be a questioner, and a noncomformist, and to research things. But I know one of my siblings would absolutely circ (and in fact did, before I knew enough to talk to her about it), because that's what everyone else does. How do we reach THOSE people? And is it wise to cut off contact with them (does that disjunction prevent us from reaching them the next time, whether we're talking global warming or circ or whatever issue?)..... At the same time, how can we maintain cordial relationships with someone who'd do something so abhorrent? It makes me sad knowing that my friend's boys are growing up circ'd, that my nephew is circ'd.
. I'm so used to people being loudly, unapologetically, and strongly anti-circ that when I read comments made in a more neutral fashion (such as yours) they worry me.
. I understand what you're saying.
I haven't decided yet if I want to call and congratulate her. I just don't know..
)
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