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Appropriate touches and men question - Page 2

post #21 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
Ok. DD is 11 months. She just started walking and this issue just resurfaced. It happened in the past where he'd stand her on his crotch. We addressed it. He stopped doing it. Everything was fine until she started walking so the issue is back. He is never alone with her. Never out of eye view of me or gramma.

He's not an invalid. He has a full time job, drives, works outside, etc. Gramma doesn't take care of him. (eta His only problem is impulse control and the like). He just lays in bed and watches TV Land all night...and pops out when dd is there. (eta Gramma turned 60 this year...she's my adopted gramma. She's not elderly...very active).

I'm between a rock and a hard place with this issue. No, I don't want dd there while he is there. I have 2 caretakers--gramma and her dad. Her dad is not available very much. So she is the primary one while I work. We will all sit down on Sunday and talk and if I see it happen one more time I will pull dd from my gramma. I posted here to make sure I wasn't being too sensitive with the issue (as I have been known to be sensitive with this kind of stuff). Before I give the ultimatim on Sunday....because it will absolutely crush my gramma and it will totally screw me on childcare. I haven't seen men with children. I didn't know if I was just being too sensitive or if it was somewhat normal.
You need to change your childcare situation. You have set up a situation where it is absolutely impossible for the people involved. There is no way to care for an active baby and have someone else in the house and be able to guarantee they are never alone with the baby. There is no way for a brain-damaged man with impulse control issues to... control his impulses.

And I am not saying his impulses are pedophilic. But I think you may be lucky that his reaction has been freezing up - what if his first impulse was to hit your child? Your grandmother being in the room would be no good.

If you really believe this is a dangerous situation, you need therapy to figure out why you have continued to leave your child there.
post #22 of 90
It doesn't sound like your dd is safe there.
How does Gramma go pee? Does she take your dd with her?

Does Gramma suspect that her dh could have pedophilic (sp?) tendencies? If not then there is no way she can make sure your dd is safe from him if she doesn't believe that her dh would be capable of that in the first place.

I am REALLY confused as to why you are still sending her there.

I feel sick right now, worried about what may happen (or may have already happened) to your dd

I understand that it is prob free child care, but how "free" is it when you have to worry about crap like this?

I know that this must be hard, I really feel for you being in this situation to begin with.

I hope you can make the best decision for you and your family.


.
post #23 of 90
I would say that my DH and most average guys I know would *at least* shift themselves a bit.


Now that I have read more responses, I dont even understand why you would continue to bring your child there to be cared for. Is your grandmas feelings worth the potential risk to your child? I would let her come to your house to babysit, or my child would not go there anymore. Period. If I have funky feelings about someone, thats it. I dont need to justify it or explain it.
post #24 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo View Post
Now that I have read more responses, I dont even understand why you would continue to bring your child there to be cared for. Is your grandmas feelings worth the potential risk to your child? I would let her come to your house to babysit, or my child would not go there anymore. Period. If I have funky feelings about someone, thats it. I dont need to justify it or explain it.



I also don’t understand why you would continue to leave your child in this situation, talk about it for nearly a year and not take action. If this has being going on for almost a year; I would have made other childcare arrangements A YEAR AGO and not left my DC in this situation

Your first responsibly should be for your child’s safety and then your gma’s feelings; in time she will come to understand why you needed to to take the action you took but it would take a lot longer for your child to overcome being abused. If something happened to your DC whilist in grandma's care, I am sure she would feel terrible and so would you for not listening to and acting on your feelings sooner - there is no way she can watch dc every minute.
post #25 of 90
I am assuming that your grandmother doesn't think that he cannot be trusted, otherwise I would think that she wouldnt allow her to come over. That being said, there is no way you can know for sure that he is never alone with her unless you are there. Imagine if something did happen? you would never forgive yourself for not removing her from that situation. Please, I know that it is hard, but set up a weekly date for your gramma and your daughter and stop letting her go over there. It's just not worth it.
post #26 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
You're right. Everytime I bring it up she gets all emotional. She wants to keep dd. But her husband needs to keep away. Period. There have been way too many on going things with him.

Here's the thing: When gramma and her husband are home alone, her husband lays in the bedroom and watches tv. All night. Gramma is in the living room or kitchen. She hardly ever see's husband. But when me/dd come over he hovers and won't leave dd alone. That on top of him letting dd touch him, staring while I'm changing her diaper (way in the past, he doesn't do that anymore) and some other things. He has no right to touch her at all....I don't like him. It's not a happy little family situation where he's "banned to his room with dd is over"....he stays in his room until dd comes over. That's just one of the many things that's so wrong with him/this situation.
uhhh, why are you still taking your child over there?
It is so not worth it. Pcik grandma up and have her watch dd at your house if you need her services so bad. Otherwise, find some one else or press charges.
post #27 of 90
I also don't understand why the husband is being "made" to stay in a back bedroom, in his own home, while your grandmother is watching your daughter. If you are so uncomfortable, why not have the grandma come to your house, alone?
post #28 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by gsd1amommy View Post
I also don't understand why the husband is being "made" to stay in a back bedroom, in his own home, while your grandmother is watching your daughter. If you are so uncomfortable, why not have the grandma come to your house, alone?
I took her post to mean he chooses to stay in his room *except* when the child is there, and then he hovers.

OP, I don't know your history, but I think its really clear you need other arrangements. If your grandma's DH has a brain injury, then no amount of your talking to him will make a difference. He is physiologically unable to control his impulses, be they sexual or otherwise.
post #29 of 90
I grew up with a brother who had a severe brain injury. There were many things that he just never "got" and it wasn't for lack of trying.

I think that keeping your daughter in that situation is asking for trouble.
post #30 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
If you don't feel comfy with this guy, you need to stop taking your child there.

I cannot politely express my opinion on your rules about men in general. Of course, you seem to be feeding your problem with men by keeping you and your child in constant contact with someone who reinforces your obvious already existing problem with men.

Since YOU are the only one in control of this situation, and YOU know that you have a problem, and YOU know that this man may be a problem and YOU know that gma could not possibly have the God-Like-Powers to watch him every moment......

You need to ask yourself why you are continuing to pertuate this situation.
:

I cannot understand how you can have a rule not allowing your DD to be alone with ANY male (including her half-brothers as I recall from a previous post) even if they have never given you a reason to mistrust them (other than the fact they have a penis), and yet still you continue to leave your DD in a home with someone behaving so inappropriately with her. FOR A YEAR!! How can you justify that?
post #31 of 90
I don't think you are being sensitive. I know DP will tell the kids if they hit/brush his private area and he lets them know that is his private area and not to touch/kick/punch/whatever there.

Sometimes LO's can't help it, don't realize it because of where their height puts them, and I don't think it's a big deal to gently point it out to them about personal areas and to try to be careful around them.

If your grandmother's husband hasn't said anything... I'd likely take him aside and say it makes you uncomfortable to please not let it happen.
post #32 of 90
Thread Starter 
I sincerely thank all of you for your input. I was afraid to come back to this thread thinking I'd be bashed. I took 2 xanexes 2 hours ago and worked up enough courage to look at this thread. To my surprise, you all have been very gentle and I thank you.

Gramma's Husband (GH) Gramma (G)

G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her. It would absolutely kill her. I know that she watches dd and her husband like a hawk. Yes, when G goes to the bathroom, dd goes with her. GH is never, ever, ever alone with dd....ever. Not out of eye's view.

G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.

There have been 3 basic incidents IN a year. It hasn't been a constant year of inappropriate things. Everything has been fine until now...now that dd is walking. He drives me absolutely crazy...and I bitch on a regular basis about the stupid things he does (as does my G). i.e., when I'm visiting and dd cries, he runs out from his bedroom to come play "hero"...like he can calm my child better than me : when he knows it ticks me off. Just stupid impulsive things. He's like an excited puppy that can't control his excitement or something. G is on him all the time about something or another. He has my G so stressed out...it's a vacation for her to watch my dd. DD is low maintenence, very independent, happy go lucky kid and brings so much happiness to my G--instead of constant problems with her H.

G is on the same page as me. She agrees 100% with me. It's just that we will talk to GH...and the next day he's "forgotten" and does things anyway. G told me, "When dd starts potty training, I will take her in the bathroom and lock the door so H doesn't accidentally wonder in...." She told me that before I could bring it up. She's on my level and knows there is something wrong with her H....but we don't know what. That is why we take zero chances. Is he just stupid? Seeking attention? No common sense? No sense of what is appropriate? Or...a flat out pervert? We don't know. We know there's something not right with him which is why every safety precaution is put in place. If there was any doubt on my G's part...there is no doubt now, now that I've told her what many of you have said. Thanks to all of you and your input she KNOWS there is something wrong with her H and will be dragging him to the doctor to get him on different meds or something (as well as keeping him away from dd).

I told my G that I'm sorry and I feel guilty and that I don't want to put a strain on her marriage (what little "marriage" she has, anyway) and offered to find other placement for dd. But, she's on my side and understands her H is hard to deal with. G is more like his mom than his wife--constantly mothering him on what's right and wrong. He's just weird I guess. I don't know.

It's a different situation. I'm around it all the time...there's no way to fully paint the picture to any of you. I know dd isn't in harm or she would not go there. Anyway, I just needed to know from other mom's if this was inappropriate because I've honestly never seen men around kids...neither has my G. Thank you all for your input.

As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.

Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

I type too much sorry
post #33 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.
...

As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.

Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

I type too much sorry
If things with her husband don't get better maybe Grandma would be more willing to step out of her comfort zone and come to your house. It might be a big stretch, but if that is the only way she can maintain a relationship with your daughter it may be worth it to her.

My mom had rules about girls not being left alone with men. She grew up with those rules as well. I feel bad saying this... but it didn't matter. There were still opportunities for men to do things to me and my sister when we were little. I think that it gave my mother a false sense of security because there were always women around somewhere. I don't think that the rule is terrible, but I encourage you to pay a lot of attention anyway. It's so easy to have things happen in small stolen moments.

Therapy is good. I think therapy can help with many many problems. Good luck to you on your journey.
post #34 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
Gramma's Husband (GH) Gramma (G)

G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her. It would absolutely kill her. I know that she watches dd and her husband like a hawk. Yes, when G goes to the bathroom, dd goes with her. GH is never, ever, ever alone with dd....ever. Not out of eye's view.

G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.

He drives me absolutely crazy
...and I bitch on a regular basis about the stupid things he does (as does my G). i.e., when I'm visiting and dd cries, he runs out from his bedroom to come play "hero"...like he can calm my child better than me : when he knows it ticks me off. Just stupid impulsive things. He's like an excited puppy that can't control his excitement or something. G is on him all the time about something or another. He has my G so stressed out...it's a vacation for her to watch my dd. DD is low maintenence, very independent, happy go lucky kid and brings so much happiness to my G--instead of constant problems with her H.

G is on the same page as me. She agrees 100% with me. It's just that we will talk to GH...and the next day he's "forgotten" and does things anyway.
G told me, "When dd starts potty training, I will take her in the bathroom and lock the door so H doesn't accidentally wonder in...." She told me that before I could bring it up. She's on my level and knows there is something wrong with her H....but we don't know what. That is why we take zero chances. Is he just stupid? Seeking attention? No common sense? No sense of what is appropriate? Or...a flat out pervert? We don't know. We know there's something not right with him which is why every safety precaution is put in place. If there was any doubt on my G's part...there is no doubt now, now that I've told her what many of you have said. Thanks to all of you and your input she KNOWS there is something wrong with her H and will be dragging him to the doctor to get him on different meds or something (as well as keeping him away from dd).

<snip>

It's a different situation. I'm around it all the time...there's no way to fully paint the picture to any of you. I know dd isn't in harm or she would not go there. Anyway, I just needed to know from other mom's if this was inappropriate because I've honestly never seen men around kids...neither has my G. Thank you all for your input.

As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.

Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

I type too much sorry


OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL SENDING HER OVER THERE??????????????????

Why oh Why oh why are you doing this to your daughter?

Can't you see how screwed up this is? You wont ask G to step out of her comfort zone in order to assure your daughter's safety???????
You will let your dd go into this f'd up situation but will not allow her around other men??????????????????

I am SO confused.


Is free child care really worth it?


OMG I am getting angry....

If you had to take xanax before looking at the responses on this thread then that tells me right there that you REALIZE JUST HOW WRONG THIS IS TO DO THIS TO YOUR POOR DEFENSELESS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he does anything to her then you are JUST as responsible for it as he is. I hope you are willing to live with that. I guess your little dd doesn't have a choice.:


.
post #35 of 90
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL SENDING HER OVER THERE??????????????????

Why oh Why oh why are you doing this to your daughter?

Can't you see how screwed up this is? You wont ask G to step out of her comfort zone in order to assure your daughter's safety???????
You will let your dd go into this f'd up situation but will not allow her around other men??????????????????

I am SO confused.


Is free child care really worth it?


OMG I am getting angry....

If you had to take xanax before looking at the responses on this thread then that tells me right there that you REALIZE JUST HOW WRONG THIS IS TO DO THIS TO YOUR POOR DEFENSELESS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he does anything to her then you are JUST as responsible for it as he is. I hope you are willing to live with that. I guess your little dd doesn't have a choice.:


.

He's not alone with dd. And after last night's conversation he will not be anywhere near her, period. She is safe, I assure you...or she wouldn't be going over there as I stated. As paranoid as I am do you honestly think I'd put her in a situation where I thought she was going to get hurt? Come on now. DD's dad is a COP...do you honestly think that if there was a threat to his child he'd allow dd to be over there? I never thought she would be hurt because there has never been an opportunity for her to be hurt...and there never will be. She's safe. He's an idiot...but she is (and always has been) safe. My only question was whether or not his actions were appropriate. They've been answered.
post #36 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
I sincerely thank all of you for your input. I was afraid to come back to this thread thinking I'd be bashed. I took 2 xanexes 2 hours ago and worked up enough courage to look at this thread. To my surprise, you all have been very gentle and I thank you.

Gramma's Husband (GH) Gramma (G)

G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her. It would absolutely kill her. I know that she watches dd and her husband like a hawk. Yes, when G goes to the bathroom, dd goes with her. GH is never, ever, ever alone with dd....ever. Not out of eye's view.

G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.

There have been 3 basic incidents IN a year. It hasn't been a constant year of inappropriate things. Everything has been fine until now...now that dd is walking. He drives me absolutely crazy...and I bitch on a regular basis about the stupid things he does (as does my G). i.e., when I'm visiting and dd cries, he runs out from his bedroom to come play "hero"...like he can calm my child better than me : when he knows it ticks me off. Just stupid impulsive things. He's like an excited puppy that can't control his excitement or something. G is on him all the time about something or another. He has my G so stressed out...it's a vacation for her to watch my dd. DD is low maintenence, very independent, happy go lucky kid and brings so much happiness to my G--instead of constant problems with her H.

G is on the same page as me. She agrees 100% with me. It's just that we will talk to GH...and the next day he's "forgotten" and does things anyway. G told me, "When dd starts potty training, I will take her in the bathroom and lock the door so H doesn't accidentally wonder in...." She told me that before I could bring it up. She's on my level and knows there is something wrong with her H....but we don't know what. That is why we take zero chances. Is he just stupid? Seeking attention? No common sense? No sense of what is appropriate? Or...a flat out pervert? We don't know. We know there's something not right with him which is why every safety precaution is put in place. If there was any doubt on my G's part...there is no doubt now, now that I've told her what many of you have said. Thanks to all of you and your input she KNOWS there is something wrong with her H and will be dragging him to the doctor to get him on different meds or something (as well as keeping him away from dd).

I told my G that I'm sorry and I feel guilty and that I don't want to put a strain on her marriage (what little "marriage" she has, anyway) and offered to find other placement for dd. But, she's on my side and understands her H is hard to deal with. G is more like his mom than his wife--constantly mothering him on what's right and wrong. He's just weird I guess. I don't know.

It's a different situation. I'm around it all the time...there's no way to fully paint the picture to any of you. I know dd isn't in harm or she would not go there. Anyway, I just needed to know from other mom's if this was inappropriate because I've honestly never seen men around kids...neither has my G. Thank you all for your input.

As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.

Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

I type too much sorry
I hope the therapy works for you and I hope and pray nothing ever happens to you precious DD.


Personally I would be making other child care arrangements but that’s my opinion

I also don’t think it would be an ideal way to potty train your dd, it takes a while for children to learn bowel and balder control and your poor dd will have to wait til grandma takes her into the bathroom and locks the door. My kids would run to the potty and pull their pants down straight away or sometimes would sit on the potty (nothing happening) til they got bored then run off and play
post #37 of 90
I am confused because this seems to have come up a number of times on MDC over the past months/years...

what are these unspecified "brain injuries" that supposedly turn men into instant pedophiles? I'm not denying that it can happen, or has happened in this instance... but in general, why does it seem like when someone posts saying "I have a bad feeling about so and so, plus he has a *brain injury*" everyone is always like "oh yeah, brain injury! pedophile! happens all the time!"

I don't know... it seems ableist, or something.

And FWIW, a lot of times when a child innocently creates an awkward situation, adults may ignore it because they don't want to seem interested - in fact there have been threads here recently trashing people for not ignoring a child's nudity, etc. - or because they don't want to shame the child. I would feel pretty inappropriate if I trotted out a speech about "private parts" every time my toddler bumped into my crotch.
post #38 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
I sincerely thank all of you for your input. I was afraid to come back to this thread thinking I'd be bashed. I took 2 xanexes 2 hours ago and worked up enough courage to look at this thread. To my surprise, you all have been very gentle and I thank you.

Gramma's Husband (GH) Gramma (G)

G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her. It would absolutely kill her. I know that she watches dd and her husband like a hawk. Yes, when G goes to the bathroom, dd goes with her. GH is never, ever, ever alone with dd....ever. Not out of eye's view.

G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.

There have been 3 basic incidents IN a year. It hasn't been a constant year of inappropriate things. Everything has been fine until now...now that dd is walking. He drives me absolutely crazy...and I bitch on a regular basis about the stupid things he does (as does my G). i.e., when I'm visiting and dd cries, he runs out from his bedroom to come play "hero"...like he can calm my child better than me : when he knows it ticks me off. Just stupid impulsive things. He's like an excited puppy that can't control his excitement or something. G is on him all the time about something or another. He has my G so stressed out...it's a vacation for her to watch my dd. DD is low maintenence, very independent, happy go lucky kid and brings so much happiness to my G--instead of constant problems with her H.

G is on the same page as me. She agrees 100% with me. It's just that we will talk to GH...and the next day he's "forgotten" and does things anyway. G told me, "When dd starts potty training, I will take her in the bathroom and lock the door so H doesn't accidentally wonder in...." She told me that before I could bring it up. She's on my level and knows there is something wrong with her H....but we don't know what. That is why we take zero chances. Is he just stupid? Seeking attention? No common sense? No sense of what is appropriate? Or...a flat out pervert? We don't know. We know there's something not right with him which is why every safety precaution is put in place. If there was any doubt on my G's part...there is no doubt now, now that I've told her what many of you have said. Thanks to all of you and your input she KNOWS there is something wrong with her H and will be dragging him to the doctor to get him on different meds or something (as well as keeping him away from dd).

I told my G that I'm sorry and I feel guilty and that I don't want to put a strain on her marriage (what little "marriage" she has, anyway) and offered to find other placement for dd. But, she's on my side and understands her H is hard to deal with. G is more like his mom than his wife--constantly mothering him on what's right and wrong. He's just weird I guess. I don't know.

It's a different situation. I'm around it all the time...there's no way to fully paint the picture to any of you. I know dd isn't in harm or she would not go there. Anyway, I just needed to know from other mom's if this was inappropriate because I've honestly never seen men around kids...neither has my G. Thank you all for your input.

As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.

Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

I type too much sorry
Re-reading this post; something about this situation and all your other replies still dose not feel right to me. I have re-read you posts several times and alarm bells are ringing - I may be being an alarmist but frankly something is not right.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY
post #39 of 90

I'm totally backing you up, MayBaby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that.
Exactly. I am 100% behind you and I'm sure plenty of others are, too. Many remarks have been made where I'm wondering, as I'm sure you are, "Didn't this person read what I said?"

Some folks get all fired up about this issue and get all defensive about the generalizations that are made about men and boys... and it's okay. It makes me laugh and I wonder if I could recognize these folks in the grocery store, the ones who are aghast that you'd continue to have your child at your grammy's with the GH there, AND who are at the same time totally insulting about the issues that you may have with regards to men and how wrong it is for you to have those issues and how you need therapy to wash those issues away right now so your child can experience the nirvana of being alone with men during her toddlerhood. Give me a break!

You've kept a cool head about it, you've been open and honest and revealing, and very gracious considering the venom of some posters. You are clearly a loving and protective parent, and you have a loving and protective grammy who has all her wits about her and who loves and cares for your child.

And to the posters to whom I refer, I say: reread May's posts. It's all there. Grandma WANTS to sit the child, Grandma protects the child according to mama's wishes, and in fact, her own common sense. Grandma is a youthful 60 and capable of childcare at the stringent level required with a dodgy man present. May has issues with men being ALONE with her baby girl that she probably didn't ASK for, iykwim. And, "therapy" isn't a PILL that works instantly; it may take YEARS or DECADES to overcome some "issues" with men, and that's just where it's at, folks. She's working on it. In the meantime, it's best for all concerned for May to be the best mother SHE can be, and that means, no men/boys alone with her child right now.

VF
post #40 of 90
Quote:
G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her.
Your first priority is your CHILD.

Quote:
G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway
It would put her out? To protect the grandaughter she loves more than life itself?
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