I sincerely thank all of you for your input. I was afraid to come back to this thread thinking I'd be bashed. I took 2 xanexes 2 hours ago and worked up enough courage to look at this thread. To my surprise, you all have been very gentle and I thank you.
Gramma's Husband (GH) Gramma (G)
G loves my dd more than life itself. She has been dd's substitute mama while I work. If I ripped dd away from her it would litterally kill her. It would absolutely kill her. I know that she watches dd and her husband like a hawk. Yes, when G goes to the bathroom, dd goes with her. GH is never, ever, ever alone with dd....ever. Not out of eye's view.
G won't come to my house. She's a home-body. She's more comfy in her home...and just won't come to my house. It would completely put her out of her way anyway.
There have been 3 basic incidents IN a year. It hasn't been a constant year of inappropriate things. Everything has been fine until now...now that dd is walking. He drives me absolutely crazy...and I bitch on a regular basis about the stupid things he does (as does my G). i.e., when I'm visiting and dd cries, he runs
out from his bedroom to come play "hero"...like he can calm my child better than me
: when he knows it ticks me off. Just stupid impulsive things. He's like an excited puppy that can't control his excitement or something. G is on him all the time about something or another. He has my G so stressed out...it's a vacation for her to watch my dd. DD is low maintenence, very independent, happy go lucky kid and brings so much happiness to my G--instead of constant problems with her H.
G is on the same page as me. She agrees 100% with me. It's just that we will talk to GH...and the next day he's "forgotten" and does things anyway. G told me, "When dd starts potty training, I will take her in the bathroom and lock
the door so H doesn't accidentally wonder in...." She told me that before I could bring it up. She's on my level and knows there is something
wrong with her H....but we don't know what. That is why we take zero chances. Is he just stupid? Seeking attention? No common sense? No sense of what is appropriate? Or...a flat out pervert? We don't know. We know there's something not right with him which is why every safety precaution is put in place. If
there was any doubt on my G's part...there is no doubt now, now that I've told her what many of you have said. Thanks to all of you and your input she KNOWS there is something wrong with her H and will be dragging him to the doctor to get him on different meds or something (as well as keeping him away from dd).
I told my G that I'm sorry and I feel guilty and that I don't want to put a strain on her marriage (what little "marriage" she has, anyway) and offered to find other placement for dd. But, she's on my side and understands her H is hard to deal with. G is more like his mom than his wife--constantly mothering him on what's right and wrong. He's just weird I guess. I don't know.
It's a different situation. I'm around it all the time...there's no way to fully paint the picture to any of you. I know dd isn't in harm
or she would not go there. Anyway, I just needed to know from other mom's if this was inappropriate because I've honestly never seen men around kids...neither has my G. Thank you all for your input.
As a side note I know I'm the oddball around here with my rules about my daughter and boys/men. You haven't lived the life I have. The rules I have in place are what I believe in. I know that still won't keep her completely safe...but as her mom I think that's one of the many things I can do to prevent her to get hurt. Whether I'm right or wrong, this is a belief I'm very strong about. We all have our beliefs/parenting styles and I think we should all respect that. I know I'm guilty of jumping the gun/people about children being naked...and I'm sorry, I shouldn't do that and won't
do that in the future. I need to respect the parents with those beliefs...and others should have the same respect for my beliefs.
Yes I am in therapy...we're working on many issues. I had an appt today and am a bit upset cuz it's just hard to talk about things. Small steps. And in the midst of all the small steps of working through my past....the only thing I can do to allow me to sleep at night is enforce the rules I have for my dd. It's what my
mothering instincts tell me to do to protect my daughter. Maybe one day I'll get to be on the same level as most of you...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.
I type too much