DH DEFINITELY doesn't get it. :(

[1babysmom]

I love my DH, and he's so supportive, but I just need to vent, because he obviously doesn't get it. I've mentioned to him numerous times about how I don't want to notify people when I'm making ANY progress just because the constant questioning only gets worse. This includes not letting my IL's know...they live across the stinkin' street, and my SIL asks me EVERY time I see her "any contractions?" (sheesh, she had an unplanned pregnancy and only went to 37 weeks so she had a baby for over 2 weeks by this point! No clue...), and my MIL asks me every time "Are you doing anything?" obviously meaning having ctx and stuff (is that a dumber than dumb way to word it? If I had the guts to say something, I'd list out everything I had "done" up until that point and say "Yes, I'm doing things").

Anyway, today I'm trying to take a day off from TRYING to make progress. This morning I mentioned to DH that I was having a few BH from teh moment I woke up (which meant NOTHING and I tried to make that clear, but I was just trying to make conversation with him about something) and he had to mention that to my IL's when he went over there shortly after (because they asked him...can't they just leave it alone? You'd think they'd never had kids before!!!!). So he calls me and I hear MIL in the background say "Tell her we'll pray for her!" which of course is very sweet and kind but now they think I'm going somewhere with this. : AND, we're going over there for dinner and I am going to be REALLY irritated if they start asking me questions...and unfortunately I'm not gutsy enough to speak my mind or even ask them to stop.

Anyway, I tried to explain to DH earlier why I REALLY didn't want him saying ANYTHING to ANYONE, and we got in a big fight, mostly because he doesn't see why not, that he can't control what other people ask, and that when I said "You have no idea what it's like to deal with the questions at this point" he said "Yes I do! People ask me about you all the time!!"

Oh man, I tried and tried and tried to explain to him that he DOES NOT have any idea, but he doesn't get it and really thinks he understands and that it shouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, well, HE can fit comfortably into more than one pair of underwear...HE has more options than just one pair of pajama pants to wear during the day...HE has more than just one shirt that fits comfortably...HE can wear any pair of shoes he wants and doesn't have to live in flip flops...HE can sleep in any position he wants and not wake up in pain...HE doesn't have to anticipate the physical/emotional aspects of labor (both good and nervewracking)...

You gals understand. I just wish he did, even though I know that's impossible unless he gets to be pregnant for a day.

[Nate'sMama]

So you know I am having contractions right now and DH just asked me if all our bills were all set! Wanting to make sure I put everything on auto payment (which I did and already told him about 2 weeks ago!!).

As if that is something I want to think or talk about right now.



You are not alone. I think when it starts to get close they just lose their minds and can't think straight.

[Beeblebrox]

Do you think maybe he was just feeling excited and it kind of came out when he spoke to them? It can be so frustrating to feel like a watched pot though.

[MarchWillow]

Yeah. Totally relate. I think the stress actually got to him tonight. Luckily I am having total Zen-ness. He has flipped his lid and actually got in an argument with me and left the house. His anxiety is thru the roof. What am I doing? Finishing homework, drinking pregnant tea, surfin the web...at 1am with insomnia. But hey, I'm getting lots done. I think they just have to lose it real good at least once before its over. At least that's what I believe.

As far as family goes. It drives me insane, but my dh does the same thing. I have to remember, as much as I chat with my mom and give her grace over her questioning, he is the same with his mom and he is not the pregnant one too, so he isn't so bothered by the questioning. Unfortunately the @#$% hits the fan, when it spills over onto my lap. ie: he didn't return one of his mother's calls last Tuesday, so his sister called Wednesday and he didn't call her back either. Guess who was knocking on my door yesterday afternoon? His sister-all high strung and full of that crap energy-asking a billion questions and just barfing family gossip all over me. She bugged the hell out of me for a labor date, which unfortunately my crystal ball was down, then demanded a sworn oath that I would call her first and foremost....shhaaaa right...lemme just put that on the list of hell no's right now.

My main concern is that DH will get so excited when things do start happening that he will call all of his family. The LAST thing I want is to have to deal with them during labor crashing my house...keeping them at bay now is hard enough. But I just don't see DH keeping his anxiety in check that long. Hopefully he'll be busy enough calling my family, the mw's and doing my "labor list" that he'll wait to call them. My other chance at him waiting is if I labor during the night-he won't dare wake anyone up because that's his biggest peeve-getting woke up at 6am by his mom calling. I also worry about them bombarding me in the first month after baby is born. They already can't keep their hands off my tummy...I can already see how it's going to be with the baby.

Hope you can find some Zen soon mama. And I hope things are easier once babe arrives.

[heatherforever]

my husband is like that. he means well, but he has no 'filter' and things just come out of his mouth sometimes. i had to really lay down the law, and tell him that if i couldn't trust him with information, he wouldn't be getting any. and remind him that only people that i can trust and feel comfortable in helping defending my boundries would be at the birth. he was shocked and hurt at first, but he figured it out. i asked him how he would feel if i started giving my mom updates about his private parts?

good luck! i would say i'm tired and skip dinner, if i were you. you don't need the stress! and you have a great excuse!

[Belia]

Crashing your DDC.... sorry.....

I'm wondering if we need to make birth plans for our DPs!

Just lay out the ground rules and stick copies all over the house.

1. NO OUTGOING PHONE CALLS TO ILs!
2. NO VISITORS ALLOWED UNLESS IT'S THE UPS MAN BEARING GIFTS!
3. NO DISCUSSION OF MY CERVIX UNLESS YOU'RE ATTACHED TO MY CERVIX!
4. NO EYE GOOP! WAIT FOR THE CORD TO STOP PULSING BEFORE CLAMPING! (Oh wait.... that's for the folks in the hospitals...)


I bet I could make a fortune sellling these suckers on ebay or something.....

Hang in there, mamas!

[clutterbug]

I hear you on the stress of people wanting constant updates...the day I went into labour, my inlaws totally demonstrated why I didn't want anyone knowing my "business"...a cousin was in labour and I received THREE separate phone calls to tell me, plus numerous chatting back and forth on Facebook walls with people asking the cousin's sister for updates. My MIL even wrote on someone's wall "T is in labour, no secrets in this family!" As if I wanted my labour status on Facebook!!?? It took that to really drive it home to DH why I wanted to keep silent. We called MIL to come babysit my older son and I have no idea if she kept it as quiet as requested, but at least I didn't see anything on Facebook about it!

Show your DH this thread. Maybe that will drive home that this really is high pressure for moms. Your privacy and personal space are so important for progress in labour.