Hello...it's me...joining Single Parenthood...

[countrymom]

I just wanted to say hello--Since January I've been seperated from husband--my choice--a hard one, but mine---beginning the divorce process just now---I'll be reading for moral support---it's not easy....

I want the best for my boys, and struggling as I was always the stay at home mom & he the $$ earner--now money being withheld & threats & it just feels yucky. I feel bullied & intimidated & could use some advice from those mamas in the know who have been thorough it--or going through it.

thanks in advance!

----countrymom

[BelovedK]

Welcome

I am sorry I don't have any advice right now, but you are in the right place.

[countrymom]

Thank you...your greeting means a lot!

I'm confident that it'll all be as it should be in the end...it's just getting from here to there that I'm unsure about!

I have a part of myself, which I had lost in the relationship, back now, and that is an invaluable reminder of why I am doing this. And the peace in the household now, the boys sense of wellbeing & comfort, it all makes it easier when the days are difficult. They are clear signs to me, that it's the right path.....

[One Art]

Hi Amy, there are some great mamas on this board, and a lot of support and helpful advice. I know what you mean about your stbx being the money earner and you being the sahm; that was my situation too. As I have still not found a job the money issues and threats are still an issue that I'm having to put up with... I will be so relieved when I get a job and am able to move out of this house! I also know what you mean losing a part of yourself in the relationship. I definitely think this happened to me. But it is great that you were at least able to recognize that! I didn't, (well, not fully enough anyway) and it was actually stbx who made the decision to leave. If you need advice about specific things, feel free to ask! I will do my best to share what my experience has been.

[littleaugustbaby]

Welcome Amy! You'll find lots of good advice and support here.

[eurobin]

welcome! I don't have a lot of advice, just support. Hang in there, things will get better. s

[trinity6232000]

Welcome Amy. I'm sorry about your situation, BUT if there is a place where you can get all the support and advice you need. . . It's here.

Take care of you, and the rest will follow.

[Fishie Kisses]

welcome mama!! I too am new to the single mom thing, but I have already found a great deal of support from the mamas on here!

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by countrymom

Thank you...your greeting means a lot!

I'm confident that it'll all be as it should be in the end...it's just getting from here to there that I'm unsure about!

It's that kind of faith that will get you through. Don't get stuck on it needing to look a certain way, and just sort of keep doing your part each day and see how it unfolds. There may be aspects to it that you might fear now, and lament when they come, that could turn out to be good for your family in ways you had never anticipated. THere is so much you can't control, and sometimes when it's a big shift like this, that is a good thing, because it makes space for things are imaginations were to limited to see.

So just keep that faith and an open mind, and take it one day at a time.

Originally Posted by countrymom

I have a part of myself, which I had lost in the relationship, back now, and that is an invaluable reminder of why I am doing this. And the peace in the household now, the boys sense of wellbeing & comfort, it all makes it easier when the days are difficult. They are clear signs to me, that it's the right path.....

Love it! This is what is going to get you through. There is already so much reward and beauty for you in this unfolding journey. It will continue to be so. And when you are down, make a gratitude list to help you regain that insight.

[mikaela]

My only advice is to not be afraid to lean on people/don't be afraid to ask for help. Welcome -- lots of love to you

[pranamama]

welcome

[*MamaJen*]

Hey mama,
I hope you don't mind me stalking you, but I have been there done that and I really, really feel for your situation.
You've probably already seen this website, but it helped me tremendously when I was splitting with my ex.
I don't know the specifics of your situation, but the money control is a classic tactic with BPD. It's possible that he might try using custody of your children as a control tactic as well. Remember that his entire disorder is based around a frantic attempt to avoid abandonment (even when he's making it impossible to stay with him). So now that the abandonment is a reality, it's possible that he'll start acting out and raging more than ever. Not to sound alarmist, but be safe.
My advice for you is to surround yourself with people who can give you a reality check. A borderline creates his own reality and tried to convince his loved ones that his reality is the real one. They can do a good job of it, too.
Beware the hoover. Be on guard for it. Don't give him a foot in the door.
You are your own person. You are not the BPD's property. You are not crazy. You are not all good or all evil. Whatever names he's been calling you, you're not those things. HE'S those things, and he's projecting them on to you.
It will not be easy, but stay strong in your convictions and it is possible to leave.