What should my next step be?

[beccalou79]

Hello all,

I've just experienced something a little upsetting and unsettling, and I hope you all can guide me on what to do next.

I'm taking an online college course on child psychology, and I have an exam on-campus tomorrow in the school's testing center. I was planning on bringing my 1-year-old with me in our Ergo, putting her to sleep beforehand so she wouldn't make a peep during the test (she sleeps a solid two hours once she's out, especially when nestled against me). I have no idea how long this test will take--maybe an hour?-- since this is the first one of the semester, and I hate to be apart from her any length of time since she nurses on demand, and, well, we've never been apart before.

I asked the professor at the start of the semester if bringing her with me to the exams was going to be a problem, and he said he'd find out for me. He never did. So I called the testing center today to find out for myself. I was put on hold by the woman who answered, since she said they'd never been asked that before, and when she came back she said no, they couldn't allow me to do that. When I asked why (since, I pointed out, this is how my baby eats), she couldn't give me a reason, but told me I could take it up with her superior, whose name and number she then gave me. I asked if this superior was available to talk now, and she said yes. Of course, when I hung up and dialed this woman's number, it just went to voice mail. I have tried at least 10 times in the last hour, and she hasn't yet picked up.

I've called and left a message with the professor, too, but haven't yet heard back from him, and I'm starting to get really frustrated. I can still take the test tomorrow, since my husband is available to watch the kids, but I'm stressed at the idea of her potentially getting upset when I'm gone, and no one being able to soothe her (nursing is, of course, the only way to calm her when she gets stressed). It's also just the principle of the thing, darn it! Why can't I take my baby with me? Do they think she's going to whisper the test answer to me? "Pssst, mama... it's d) all of the above!"

So what would you do next if you were in my shoes?

P.S. If it matters, I'm in Michigan, and I'm under the impression there are no laws here protecting my breastfeeding rights... is that right?

[nummies]

Hmmm....well if it were me. I would leave her with your DH and go take your test. An hour really isn't that long and I highly doubt that they would allow your baby to go in with you. Nursing factor aside, you can't assure them that she won't disturb the other test takers. Just my opinion though...

[beccalou79]

The test is more likely to take two hours. I just called to reserve a computer for the exam, and that's how long they've recommended my time slot be.

[LittlePeanut]

I agree with the PP... She "may" disrupt the concentration of other students. I don't really think it's fair. I know what you mean about the being apart bit though. What I would personally do is have DH entertain the kiddos nearby for the duration of the test. Explain the situation to the examiner or whomever and let them know that should she need to nurse during this time, you may have to leave to tend to her for a few moments before returning to complete the exam.

JMO

LP

[Mandynee22]

I probably wouldn't bother if I were you. See if DH (or someone else) can take baby to the place and hang out while you're inside taking your test and then you can nurse/visit right before and right after. IDK if you'll get a break during the test since it's only 2 hours but you might then too.
I would be really angry if I was taking an important test and someone's baby distracted me. An exam just isn't a place kids belong (it's OK. I have a flame retardent suit)
You really can't guarentee that your LO won't make a sound. New surroundings, tons of people, probably some noise...
Good luck on your test :-)

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by nummies

Hmmm....well if it were me. I would leave her with your DH and go take your test. An hour really isn't that long and I highly doubt that they would allow your baby to go in with you. Nursing factor aside, you can't assure them that she won't disturb the other test takers. Just my opinion though...

My testing center at college had private testing rooms for those with ADD/learning disabilities/etc. They're probably required by law to have similar rooms. I don't see why on earth they couldn't put you in there for your test. I say don't give up! You're the mom and if you think it's best for your babe to be with you make them listen.

[Meiri]

At some point, she's going to learn to be comforted by her father.
Might as well start now.

Why not trust that for a couple of hours, especially if she's just nursed, your husband is a competent parent who can wear his child while she sleeps too?

[Sugermama]

Originally Posted by Meiri

At some point, she's going to learn to be comforted by her father.
Might as well start now.

Why not trust that for a couple of hours, especially if she's just nursed, your husband is a competent parent who can wear his child while she sleeps too?

I agree let Daddy and kiddo have some good bonding time. Feed her before going in and then if she wants nurse her again after getting out. She is a year old and I bet she will be OK learning to trust that daddy can soother her as well in different ways then Momma.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by hollyvangogh

My testing center at college had private testing rooms for those with ADD/learning disabilities/etc. They're probably required by law to have similar rooms. I don't see why on earth they couldn't put you in there for your test. I say don't give up! You're the mom and if you think it's best for your babe to be with you make them listen.

Yes I do understand that. However, having a nursing child is not likely to earn her a spot in one of these rooms (if they even offer something like this). I am not saying that to be harsh to the mama and I am a HUGE lactivist and believe that babies should be nursed when and where they need it. BUT, in my opinion, a hour/ two hour test is not worth the fight. Now, if the OP were sitting for exams that lasted all day, then I could see where arrangements need to me made for nursing/ pumping breaks. I just don't think that this is an instance that really warrants an uproar.

And I know that if I were one of the other test takers and someone brought a baby, I would be distracted.

[MommytoTwo]

I dont know. She is not a newborn. I would leave her with her dad for a few hours, even if its him walking around campus with her in the Ergo.

[FREEmom1120]

To be totally honest, even a sleeping baby would distract me in a testing situation. I'd be like "oh cute, a baby!"

I hope you can get it figured out though.

[beccalou79]

I understand what you all are saying. We've just never been apart before. Yes, my husband is, was and always will be a fantastic co-parent, but when she's upset she wants me, and I hate, hate, hate the thought of her somehow getting upset while we're apart and then crying unconsolably for two hours. It may not sound like a big deal to some, but it is to me.

[elizaMM]

Originally Posted by nummies

having a nursing child is not likely to earn her a spot in one of these rooms

Well, maybe it should. I agree with the PP: don't give up! If there are private rooms then they should allow for it. Mamas with newborns in the future will benefit from you paving the way. Go mama, go!

If you arent' getting a response from the supervisor I'd let it go for now, but maybe for the next test.

[TefferTWH]

Are you at CMU? Just ask the prof to let you test in his office so you can have your baby with you. If it's foreign langugae, you could do it in the lab where people are talking anyway.

[Hippie Mama in MI]

I agree with PP that you should let your hubby take the wee one for the duration of the exam. You will be able to concentrate on the subject matter more effectively if your darling is not there.

Babies, after all, are so gorgeous and amazing that they can't help but be the center of attention... especially their mom's attention...

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by beccalou79

I understand what you all are saying. We've just never been apart before. Yes, my husband is, was and always will be a fantastic co-parent, but when she's upset she wants me, and I hate, hate, hate the thought of her somehow getting upset while we're apart and then crying unconsolably for two hours. It may not sound like a big deal to some, but it is to me.

I totally get where you're coming from. My son's dad and I are no longer together and we never lived together anyway. I didn't let him take Andrew away from my house until he was almost a year. We're attached, we co-sleep, he had never had a bottle etc etc.
However- when Dad started taking him, he was fine. I didn't need to pump. He would take him for a couple hours at a time at first and now he's taken him for 6 (I think that's been the most amount of time, could be longer)
I thought he'd be super upset about me not being there. He's a very high demand nurser/child in general. If I'm around, he still comes for sips once an hour, at least. When he's with only dad though- he knows it's not there and doesn't need it. He's got other stuff to distract him.
I know it's hard to let go. Heck, LO is a part of you- a HUGE part at this stage. It's like giving up an arm or leg for a couple hours and it's HARD, but baby will probably be just fine.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by beccalou79

I understand what you all are saying. We've just never been apart before. Yes, my husband is, was and always will be a fantastic co-parent, but when she's upset she wants me, and I hate, hate, hate the thought of her somehow getting upset while we're apart and then crying unconsolably for two hours. It may not sound like a big deal to some, but it is to me.

Mama, I do understand what you are saying. I have a one year old as well who is very attached to mama. And I would rather not leave him. But there are circumstances (like this one) in which, you may have to for a couple hours. I was nervous at first too (like all mamas are) but honestly it wasn't that bad. He and daddy did just fine. They took a walk, had a snack, and played with toys. Daddy will come up with his own way to soothe her. Daddies are amazing like that. And yes, crying non-stop for two hours, sounds like a big deal to me. But that isn't likely to happen. How does she do when you take a shower or cook dinner? Trust me, I have been there!

Originally Posted by elizaMM

Well, maybe it should. I agree with the PP: don't give up! If there are private rooms then they should allow for it. Mamas with newborns in the future will benefit from you paving the way. Go mama, go!

If you arent' getting a response from the supervisor I'd let it go for now, but maybe for the next test.

And maybe it should, but will she be able to manage it by tomorrow (today)? Probably not. She can try and if she can, then great! But if not, I don't think it is a lactivist issue. I am just speaking from my experience back in college. Babies (no matter the age) would not be permitted in the classroom setting. Just isn't the place for them.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by Meiri

At some point, she's going to learn to be comforted by her father.
Might as well start now.

Why not trust that for a couple of hours, especially if she's just nursed, your husband is a competent parent who can wear his child while she sleeps too?

:

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

Fwiw

I'm an ex-college student who took my infant to classes with me. What I never did was ask permission first!

As far as your situation now, you get to decide how much you're able/willing to undertake. If it were me, I might just show up with the baby and act like that would be the most normal thing in the world to do. You can go from there. I personally think that they should accommodate you. It's not like babies slide out with a 'husband' or something to take care of them. Just a placenta.

That's just me. I would see it as an excellent opportunity to lovingly demand that my child not be turned invisible. Hold your ground if you do it, mama !

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by nummies

Babies (no matter the age) would not be permitted in the classroom setting. Just isn't the place for them.

That's sad. I had parents with babies in several of my classes. Never had a single problem. I guess my University was unusually family friendly, but I think that should be the norm, not the exception.