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I'm uninvited to my niece's b-day party 'cause I refused to cover up.  

post #1 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:31am
Thread Starter 
For the most part, my experience of pregnancy, "unconventional" home birth, and early motherhood, has been free of unwanted advice or criticism. I had begun to think midwesterners are quite polite and not as prude as one might think. But now I have my own lactivist battle story.

I'm really glad my brother-in-law expressed his discomfort with my breastfeeding in front of him, even though it was via email; communicating ones feelings is always commendable.

He said "You need to cover up girl. I don't piss or shit in front of you and that is natural. What the hell you thinking." His wife proposed having sex in front of me as comparable. I said "fine, I'll leave".

He asked that I either retreat to a bedroom or "cover up" at his 3yo daughter's upcoming birthday party. I said I'd be discreet as I have been, but that wasn't good enough. He says I'm disrespecting him by refusing. He's mad cause his daughter is holding baby dolls up to her chest in public. His wife asked if I would breastfeed at a high school (Of course!), and what would their parents think?

How can it be SO impossible to see breasts as made for babies?

Does anyone have a list of "cover up!" come-backs?

So far I have:

* When animals do it, its cute.
* If bottle fed babies can eat anywhere [and breathe fresh air while doing so] breastfed babies should be able to too.
* Breasts are for babies.
* A hundred years ago (in this culture) breasts were seen as no more sexual than knees (never mind that knees were always covered up too).
post #2 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:36am
Oh my gosh, you're telling me that you breastfed an INFANT at a relatives house and they got all uptight on you :. That's just crazy!! Even the people I know who are weird about breastfeeding save their criticisms for when the kids are older.

I wouldn't go back until the baby was weaned or eating enough solids that you could stay for an hour or so. But that's just me. I can't stand when people get into their "holier than thou" spiels


post #3 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:39am
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.
post #4 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:40am
"I'm sorry you guys have so many hang ups about this, but BF is NOT comparable to urinating, defecating or having intercourse. It's just not. Implying that they are is insulting. I'm feeding a child here, nothing more. It's not sexual to the baby or to me. It's the normal way babies are fed."
post #5 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:40am
I wouldn't respond at all. I'd look at them like they were idiots and say. not. one. thing.
post #6 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:43am
having sex in public is ILLEGAL breastfeeding is not. These kind of narrow minded (violation words) seem to think the only purpose for breasts is there own enjoyment. GROW UP seems to be the best answer. Would you BF at a high school? SURE! My mother did and my friends thought it was "cool". I sat with my neighbors just the other day in the front yard while they BOTH BF and when my DH came home he just cooed at the babies and sat down to chat with us. They didn't try to "cover up" more and he took no notice because to him that's HOW YOU FEED A BABY!
post #7 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:46am
I can't believe that he didn't even agree for you to breastfeed discreetly... so how are you going to feed your child?!?! that's just ignorance...
post #8 of 88
5/21/08 at 1:05am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.
laughup
post #9 of 88
5/21/08 at 1:16am
I would tell them that if I am unwelcome at their house, that is fine with me. I would never go back. I think it is ridiculous that families will keep their mouths shut about all other kinds of things that family members do and then pick BF as the one to throw a fit about.

Part of me thinks that if all of us BF moms just didn't put up w/it then they would stop. If we all stand up for ourselves and our kiddos maybe they will give it a rest.

I don't like smoking, but I would never have a hissy fit about someone else smoking. I just leave. My point is that BF seems to be a subject that people feel comfortable spouting off about. Why? Well, maybe it's because when an extended family member says something towards me about my BF I just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace.

Next time I am going to say, "Please keep your uneducated opinion to yourself and I will keep my opinions about the way you do things w/your kids to myself".

Or maybe just, "Shove it".

(Sorry, I am feeling a little froggy tonight )
post #10 of 88
5/21/08 at 4:14am
You got a lot of good responses, and, like a PP said, I just wouldn't go to the party or be around them anymore, at least until they stop saying things like that. You don't need to hear that stuff, and your son doesn't need to be hearing that stuff as he gets older. That's really disgusting, crude, and ignorant to say and I can't believe that your brother-in-law would talk about you feeding your son (and his nephew, no less) like that. I had to read your post again because I was in shock and didn't actually believe that he had said that. That is just messed up.
post #11 of 88
5/21/08 at 4:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.
post #12 of 88
5/21/08 at 5:41am
Don't go, but send a painting of Mary nursing Jesus or something similar as a present.

http://www.utne.com/2008-03-26/Spiri...aspx?blogid=28
post #13 of 88
5/21/08 at 8:44am
I got uninvited from my sister's wedding. Believe it or not, I stopped caring about three days after it was over.
post #14 of 88
5/21/08 at 12:35pm
Grrr. If I hear the "bodily function" argument against NIP again, I'll just explode. Expelling human excrement from your body is not the same as breastfeeding!! Breastmilk is not crap, it's liquid gold!

I'd have said something along the lines of "If you're worried about your daughter using me as a role model, perhaps you should ask why she doesn't see you as a role model." And then, seriously, I'd never speak to them again under any circumstances. I don't see why family sees it as within their rights to absolutely abuse other members of their family, and recklessly disregard the health and welfare of the infants in the family. I will never understand it.

Or I'd say, "I hope there's not going to be any food at this birthday party 'cause I'm uncomfortable with people eating in public."
post #15 of 88
5/21/08 at 1:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.


That is the funniest -- and cleverest -- comeback I've heard in a really long time. Must write it down, so I don't forget it.

:
post #16 of 88
5/21/08 at 1:50pm
OMG, I am so sorry your BIL is such a $%@&!

And did her really call you "girl"? That's a whole other issue there:
post #17 of 88
5/21/08 at 2:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.

Hey! Don't diss the dildo!
post #18 of 88
5/21/08 at 2:48pm
Are you close with your niece? Will she be terribly disappointed if you don't go? I realize the conflict is with her parents, but might she be confused and upset if Auntie isn't there to celebrate with her?
post #19 of 88
5/21/08 at 4:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.
I'm soooo going to remember that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by griffin2004 View Post
Are you close with your niece? Will she be terribly disappointed if you don't go? I realize the conflict is with her parents, but might she be confused and upset if Auntie isn't there to celebrate with her?
It is upsetting for the niece, but her parents still get to choose what she is and isn't exposed to, and if they wish to raise her narrow-mindedly and ignorant, then that's their perogative, I suppose...the OP should try to take every opportunity to squeeze in educational tidbits as she grows up. And personally, I'd probably tell the little girl the truth: that her parents don't agree with how she (the OP) is feeding her baby, although it's the most natural way and the best food she can give her DS.
post #20 of 88
5/21/08 at 4:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
If you want to go the crass route...

If nursing in public is the same as having sex in public, then bottle feeding in public is the same as using a dildo.
that's my favorite.
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Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › I'm uninvited to my niece's b-day party 'cause I refused to cover up.