I got "in trouble" with STBX

[Mom2Joseph]

For what you ask? The kids asked to have a "play date" with Daddy and I call STBX and told him. I never want to keep them from him nor impede their communication in anyway. They had a great time but later he said how he wasn't prepared for them and had stuff all over the house and how it wasn't good for them to see that....blah blah blah.

So, why didn't he say NO? why didn't he say "That's great, but we have to stick to our Wed. schedule b/c I'm not ready to have the kids tonight."

I mean, Here I am, bending over backwards to be open, and keeping him informed (I send him a daily email with updates on both kids), send pull ups and PJ's over there, let the kids call him whenever they want.... I'm TRYING to have a healthy divorce and of course I'm the bad guy right? What could I have been thinking!?!

I sent him an email and told him to verify in writing a vistation schedule we can stick to and to tell me specifically to tell the kids he is not available on non-daddy days. And if that doesn't work, then to tell me how he wants me to handle this. Because if I had told the kids NO or not told STBX I would never heard the end of it - that I was keeping the kids from him.

[kriket]

that sounds like his problem. You did everything you could, and because he couldn't keep his house clean and felt embarrassed he passed the blame to you. : You should tell him that if he doesn't feel comfortable keeping the kids then he needs to speak up and make other arrangements. Blaming you isn't cool.

[Ruthla]

Maybe next time, try calling him (without the kids in earshot) and tell him "The kids want to see you today. Is that OK with you? Because if this isnt' a good time, just say so." Then, if he says it's not a good time, ask if he can spare a few minutes to talk to them on the phone.

Definitely talk to him about the situation BEFORE it comes up again, but if it does, the above is how I'd handle it.

[SimpleJoys]

I think you did the right thing. He was a jerk. He probably has a lot of guilt about the kids and so said yes, but that doesn't make what he did right.

[violet_]

You could try sending a text message so the kids can't overhear and he won't feel like he's on the spot to say yes. If that doesn't work, it's definitely his problem, not yours.

[pranamama]

email is good, especially to document that you are not withholding, in fact he is the one with intentions to withdraw abit from the relationships

[JustVanessa]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Maybe next time, try calling him (without the kids in earshot) and tell him "The kids want to see you today. Is that OK with you? Because if this isnt' a good time, just say so." Then, if he says it's not a good time, ask if he can spare a few minutes to talk to them on the phone.

Definitely talk to him about the situation BEFORE it comes up again, but if it does, the above is how I'd handle it.

Thats what I would do.

[Mom2Joseph]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Maybe next time, try calling him (without the kids in earshot) and tell him "The kids want to see you today. Is that OK with you? Because if this isnt' a good time, just say so." Then, if he says it's not a good time, ask if he can spare a few minutes to talk to them on the phone.

Definitely talk to him about the situation BEFORE it comes up again, but if it does, the above is how I'd handle it.

That's basically what I tried to do.

We are going to work out a definite schedule and if he has extra time or is so inclined, then he can call us. But I'm not sure I will do it the other way around next time.

I dont' have texting so that wouldn't work.

Thanks for the support. I just couldn't believe i tried so hard to be accomodating and that wasn't good enough either.

[WatermelonSnow]

It's definitely his problem. It sounds like you would damned if you do, damned if you don't if you had told the kids no or hadn't called him.

[Tilia]

Oh sheesh. Then he could have said "In an hour." You did everything right.