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Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 6

post #101 of 512
Thread Starter 
^ This is funny...(well, not really funny) but it reminds me of when I had to get a couple of stitches. My MW was recommending I get a couple and I told her "no, I don't think I could take any more pain for one day." She was like, "uh, I'm going to give a local." So then I decided it was okay and when I was feeling just a little bit of pressure I was like "I can feel that" (spoken loudly.)
post #102 of 512
When I was in transition my Aunt came in and I was probably around a 6. She kept telling me "Push, It's gotta do something. Push, just push a little." Finally I said, "I'll push when I'm friggin' ready, ok?!" and I had my doula make her leave the bathroom.

Sooooooo annoying.

Oh yeah, said Aunt also came was there during transition and pushing. I was having her and my doula rub each leg. I would push probably every 5-15 minutes, I just waited for the urge, in between she kept telling me to push. When I was pushing she kept telling me to push.

She was alllllll about some pushin'.
post #103 of 512
I was in the middle of helping my first client (and a good friend) as a doula, using hypnosis. I instructed everyone not to say the words "hurt" or "pain". Her boyfriend's grandmother came in the room and was really bothering her. Chatting up a storm about how she had 5 kids. Then she said, "And don't let anyone tell you it doesn't hurt!..." RIGHT in the middle of one of her contractions. I could have f*ing choked her....
post #104 of 512
Originally Posted by veronicalynne View Post
I was in transition at home with dd2, and we were frantically trying to get out of the house to the hospital....my husband was obviously freaking:

Me (on hands and knees on floor): grooooaaaaan!
Hubby: Why don't you have the shoes and coats ready to go!!!!!
Me (with major killing look/sarcasm: NOW is NOT the time to discuss house cleaning!!!!!
this reminds me of my first birth. we were pulling into the hospital and i was in advanced labor, total laborland to get thru contractions in the car (8 in triage and done in an hour). my dh pulls into the alley instead of the parking lot and has the b*lls to say "why didn't you tell me that's not the parking lot!" when i finished the contraction i replied with "because my f-ing eyes were closed!"
post #105 of 512
Originally Posted by UUMom View Post
Maybe she had my kind of births? The pain absolutely disappears for me once the head is born. The placenta sliding out feels great...not painful...just really good and awesome. With my last, I even got up and walked into another room to deliver the placenta-- I felt no pain whatsoever after the crowning burning.
That is amazing. I wish I had those births myself. DD wasn't too bad, except the pain was fairly great and I lost a ton of blood. I couldn't walk myself to the bathroom for 2 days. DS's birth was beyond miserable. I tore all the way through my muscle with that heifer, LOL.

Everyone is so different. She was trying , maybe (and maybe she is a mean bitch & just rubbing it in, I don't know) to say something postive or helpful? My mother cried when I was in labor with my first. She felt that empathic. Maybe your mother was grasping at emotional depletion straws?
Oh, I know she was trying but, at the time, I thought she was insane. She definitely did her sharing of crying too. She video taped the birth and, right after DD came out, the camera swoops down to my mom's feet for a good 45 seconds because she was so overwhelmed she nearly dropped it. Her toes looked great, though

Looking back, it's just such a funny thing to say to someone.
post #106 of 512
These are all really funny, but OMG do the DH/DPs take the cake!
post #107 of 512
WELL. . . .

At my first birth, my doctor (who I otherwise quite liked) seemed to straying a bit too far toward a comedian role. I had dropped to my knees and was resting on my forearms on the hospital room floor (didn't make it from bathroom back to the bed between the contractions). My doctor just happened to come into the room at that moment and said something cheeky and mildly sarcastic about how things things were coming along. Not appreciated!

My daughter was born about 3 hours later and I had a tear that he explained was "just barely second degree". I had pushed for about 40 minutes. She was 9lbs 14.25oz. and beautiful and perfect and content. As the doctor was stitching me up, he said (in a mildly humourous tone), "I bet you don't want to do that again anytime soon!" I didn't know if he meant: having a tear, being in labour, pushing a baby out. It just seemed so out of place. I was so high on birth hormones that I felt like happily shouting, "You betcha' I would! I'd have another baby next week if it could work that way".

Then the next morning, the discharge nurse was yakking about perineal care and talking about how I had "quite a tear!" I knew my doctor had explained that it was so very minorly into the muscle that it was almost a shame to write down "2nd-degree tear" but that technically it was. She didn't know that. But I was pretty sure she did know what 3rd and 4th degree tears were so I thought her comment was a little :

I find the medical staff often have to put in little digs or other such comments to reassure themselves about how essential their roles are.

At my last birth (twins) we delivered at an unplanned hospital with an on-call doctor we'd never met. We arrived at the hospital 40 minutes before the first birth. Doctor arrrived about 10 minutes later. We spent most of that 30 minutes arguing with her. This included her telling me authoritatively that I had to lay back in the bed because that was the only way she knew how to deliver a breech baby (second twin). I said, "Oh, so you've delivered a breech before?" Ummmmm. . . . nope! (Kind of a stupid things to say then, when you are arguing your book research against a parent's book research and the parent obviously knows a lot more specifics than you do).

My very favourite, though, was when she was checking me out after the boys were born so easily. Palpates my abdomen and feels compelled to "tsk-tsk" while telling me that I'm really going to have to do a lot of exercises because my abdominal muscles are separated enough that she can set two fingers between them. You think?! I just carried 2 babies worth 14.5lb and their ancillary support systems to a healthy birth at 39weeks and 4days. I had to battle doctors all the way (including you, just an hour ago!) and you think I am surprised or even care that my abdominal muscles aren't at their finest?! Yeesh!!
post #108 of 512
"I find the medical staff often have to put in little digs or other such comments to reassure themselves about how essential their roles are."

Oh yeah.... I can relate to that. I had forgotten (I was in transition and wanting to push so I can be forgiven for not remembering) that with dd2, apparently the emptying your bowels b4 labor didn't happen for me and I did "something" while I was trying to push.....the stupid nurse had to make a comment about how much there was. Like hello!!!!! It happens to alot of women at this time and the nurse (L&D) should be used to it. My doula was so angry but to be honest, I didnt care I had more important things to worry about But now that I am pregnant again, I am getting worried about it
post #109 of 512
These are just SO funny!

Just have this to add--
During our 2nd birth, my husband & I were laboring away in the bathroom together. I was in transition and really working hard. And, in the seconds between two ctx, he smiled so big & said as sweetly as a cherub, "Remember, this is the fun part!"
post #110 of 512
Just after I'd just been stitched up after having my first daughter, (who had been rushed to the NICU because she was early and having breathing problems) a nurse asked me, "how do you like your new flabby belly?" I said actually I hadn't even had a chance to check it out. : I wish I'd given her an equally rude come back. Like, "Oh it's just great. How do you like yours?"

Then later a nurse asked "where is your baby?". She was in the NICU hooked up to monitors and oxygen and I had come back to take a quick shower. I couldn't even answer her. I just started sobbing.

When I finally could bring her out of the NICU for a while, another nurse said, "Oh wow! She looks just like a normal baby." I guess she meant that she didn't really look like a preemie, but I did not take that very well.
post #111 of 512
With DS1 (3rd babe) we rushed into L&D, no time for IV or anything. I was already a 10 and got the on call OB. In her defense, there was another lady laboring down the hall, but everytime she came in to "check our progress" she would swab me with betadine, without warning me first. When I gasped she said
"I'm sorry, you're just so calm I forgot you don't have an epidural"
post #112 of 512
Those last couple of posts reminded me of one pp nurse. I had a relatively quick, unmedicated birth with my first. There were a few minor glitches, but I felt really strong and capable after his birth. I did have a 3rd degree tear, my IV was compromised, and I was anemic (no hemorrage, just really low iron). A nurse trying to be sympathetic said something along the lines of, "Wow, you've just had so many complications, you poor thing." I was just shocked. I'd read all about hospital interventions and complications beforehand, and felt I'd done really well.
post #113 of 512
Originally Posted by milkydoula View Post
I had what ended up being a 43 hour induction from the time i got into the hospital to baby in arms. And i slept horribly the night before. Going in hour, probably 29ish, my dh was telling me how he was tired and was laying his head down between contractions and not responding right away when they started.

Riiiiiiight, he was tired

(Although, in his defense, he had a nasty cold and the cafeteria food gave him intestinal ills. But it wasn't really the optimal time to be comparing how bad he felt)
This is exactly why I want a doula with my next birth because to my husband it doesn't matter if I'm the one doing most of the work, if he's tired that's all that matters.
post #114 of 512
My mom had natural births will all 4 kids, and with my brother, she tore. The person who stitched her up didn't use any pain relief, and my mom started screaming. The person made a nasty comment about how she just went through childbirth, so she shouldn't be complaining about this. :::
post #115 of 512
As I'm on the toilet (peeing, mind you), the MW bursts through the bathroom door. "You're not PUSHING, are you?" Um, no, god forbid, but if I do, you'll be the first to know.
post #116 of 512
This isn't really something funny that was "said" but what was done...

My baby had just been born. So after they put the baby on my chest and I was exclaiming in joy about it, I looked in front of my only to see my mom, mother in law, midwife and husband 3 feet from my vagina staring intently at it with their mouths open in shock.

Can you imagine?? Finally I said, "Um, look at my baby, not my vagina!"

They didn't respond.

So it was funny to me until this point because, seriously, is my vagina really more interesting than a baby that just came out of it??

Turns out it was actually the fact that I was bleeding uncontrollably from uterine atony (uterus exhaustion from pitocin- was too exhausted to contract down so had I not gotten immediate medical help, I would have bled to death).

So obviously THAT wasn't funny But seeing 4 heads staring at my crotch and not my baby was alittle odd...

Just alittle, right?

post #117 of 512
With the birth of my first daughter, there were only two people there, DH and the midwife, so not much was said that I'd call "stupid". Irritating, maybe, as DH reminded me while I was on hands and knees in the bathroom that "you shouldn't push until the midwife gets here" not something I wanted to hear when I was CONVINCED DD was well on her way! (Turns out it took me three hours to push her out. ) My midwife did say to let her know when I felt crampy after the birth because that would be the placenta. I did, and she replies, well, you'll have to wait (to push), I'm doing such and such (baby had mild respiratory distress). Talk about mixed messages!

My second DD was born still in the hospital, so everything anyone said was pretty stupid at the time. The real gems included, "You may not be in labor." and "Here's the list of interventions we can help you with." Um, I was at a FIVE when I got there and had been contracting for 8 hours by then. The baby came completely naturally an hour later. : The interventions offered started with INDUCTION. Insanity.
post #118 of 512
Originally Posted by Celticqueen View Post
So it was funny to me until this point because, seriously, is my vagina really more interesting than a baby that just came out of it??
I am glad you are ok! I have a picture taken (I forgot who took it) but it is a picture of my OB, my husband, and two nurses STARING between my legs (it is a side shot so you can't actually SEE my vagina) but they are all staring my crotch after the baby was born. Oh, the insanity of it all.....the funny part is I have it in my daughter's baby book with a caption reading "What is so interesting? No, really, what is so interesting?"
post #119 of 512
Well, it might have been stupid to some but at the time it was actually helpful. After we finally got rid of the nasty nurse at DS1's birth, an older and much more experienced nurse basically grabbed me and said "If you don't start doing this now you're gonna have a C-section" And this was halfway through a nearly 3 hour pushing phase with a posterior kid. But it was kind of a "No crap, lady I've already been here for 20 hours yeah I know what your policy is!"

I've seen lots of shows on TLC and things like that where they'll have a mom having her 4th or 5th kid and they tell her its "time to push!" or "You're doing it right! Great! Perfect!" Uhhh....she's done this before!
post #120 of 512
Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula View Post
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....

"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!


We didn't bathe DS2 for over 10 days after his birth at home. Wonder what she'd think of THAT! Seriously-DH kept asking "shouldn't we give him a bath? Just a little bit with water?" I wouldn't let anyone touch him
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