Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 7

[filiadeluna]

When I was born, my dad said "It's a BOY!", until the doctor corrected him. He was so hell-bent on the idea that I was going to be a boy, that he didn't even bother to *look*.

[MammaB21]

I was in labor with DD in the hospital/center with midwives for about 24 hours.

Here are a few things that stick out, that were said to me.

My nurse kept telling me, "if you want the tub, you better hurry up becuase there is another mom in the running and she's making a lot more noise then you are." She kept reminding me throuhgout my labor how I was 'behind' in the race to the tub.

(This one is TMI, read at your own risk) During a VERY fast transition, my mom acompanied me to the bathroom to poop. Nobody bothered to close the door. Everyone got a free show to me crying, blubbering to my mom, begging for drugs, and pooping. And this is the moment my mom choses to say to me, "Honey, remember to wipe front to back." I could have died of embarassment. I know she was trying to be helpfull, but really, I think I know how to whipe for gods sake!!

Right after that my water broke into the toilet and baby was coming, like NOW!! I ran for the tub, (wich up until then I wasn't allowed into because I was hooked up to monitors). As I ran the midwife says, "Why don't you lie on the bed and I'll check you?" I screamed, "NO!" as I leaped one leg after the other over the edge, into the tub, and pushed baby out in about 2 minutes. Ha, check me, what a nut.

[Marilyn82]

Well I have two...the first is after finding out that my serene birth center birth was being turned into a c-section (long story) and I am emotionally distraught and in great turmoil...they separate me from my husband, scrub me down, shave me, give me a spinal and some morphine and literally strap me down on the table and then start freaking out because no one could find my doctor...the anesthesiologist is freaked out that the spinal will wear off because it only works for so long, so he calls my doctor and then returns to me and says "I'm so sorry, but your doctor has already gone home, we are going to have to do this tomorrow" and then when I start SOBBING, he says "just kidding, he just forgot about you, he was on his way home, but he's coming back now"....

yea that was effing priceless....

and then the next day I am trying to breastfeed my nipple-confused son (yea they gave him a pacifier and formula without even telling me, much less giving me the option to BF) and the nicu nurse (who looked like she was about 17) is telling me that I don't even have any milk anyway and that my baby "needs to eat" (cuz apparently colostrum doesn't count as eating) while squirting formula onto my nipple...I wanted to throttle her. Luckily my mom came in and told her to go google breastfeeding and leave us the hell alone....sometimes I love my mom

[bluegrassgirl]

One of the most annoying things my mother and grandmother kept saying to me during my first birth was "now, don't make any noise, save all your energy for pushing that kid out." In fact, my grandmother had the nerve to say, "if you start to scream or cry, I'll slap you because you are wasting all your energy." It got to the point where I was in more pain because I couldn't say anything, I was too scared!

I finally told the nurse to have them step out of the room for a little while (the nurse had them go to the cafeteria for a meal). Once they were gone, I really let go: moaning and humming and making chanting-like sounds during my contractions. That helped out so much! The nurse even complimented me on moaning to relax me more.

Jessie
(single mommy to Angela, 3 years:and Emma, our angel in heaven)
::::

We are a pro-nursing family!:::

[AutumnMama]

When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.

My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me
Then they had me pushing while on my back for several contractions before they realized that "hey, this isn't going to work" and let me flip over to my hands and knees where she promptly came out the rest of the way.

Originally Posted by janasmama

This would be referred to as "being born in the caul." There are lots of old wives tales that go along with what this means....I've heard that the person born in the caul will never drown (which is good because I was born in the caul and I love whitewater rafting and kayaking.) I've also heard it means the person will have some kind of very loving, nurturing profession (i.e. midwife, doula, etc.)

I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.

Originally Posted by paquerette

You're also supposed to have the Second Sight, and generally be very lucky.

This may actually be the reason that AROM makes me so mad. No one should have the right to deprive a baby of their destiny like that.

Interesting...both of my DS's were born in the caul

[elisent]

With my first:
-We were told in childbirth prep class to time contractions for an hour to see how far apart they were before going to the hospital. My husband told me I was "messing up" the contraction timing because I kept forgetting to tell him when a contraction started, so he would have to start the hour over every time I did that.
-When I arrived at the hospital in transition my husband was too embarrassed to park in emergency. He parked way out in the parking lot and told me "Go on ahead! I'll get the stuff and catch up to you!". I came very close to blacking out when a contraction hit when I was halfway up some concrete stairs.
-Then when we were in the room he asked me to please be quieter during contractions because someone might hear me.

With the last birth I loved that several nurses asked me "Are you SURE you're having contractions?" when I was fully dilated and unmedicated.

[accountclosed3]

my client was told by her doctor--during the birth--that she shouldn't have been doing yoga up until the day before she birthed.

of course, my client didnt' believe her, because what do doctors know about yoga? (honestly, not much)

anyway, my client's SIL was there and said something about how she was doing certain arm balances and hand stands the day before, and even during labor to try to allievate the back labor, and the doctor started lecturing her between demanding that she push that she shouldn't have been doing yoga.

forget the fact that my client had "the easiest labor and birth" the doctor had ever seen. even though she had a lot of back labor.

[Gnatty]

Originally Posted by anne1140

My mom had natural births will all 4 kids, and with my brother, she tore. The person who stitched her up didn't use any pain relief, and my mom started screaming. The person made a nasty comment about how she just went through childbirth, so she shouldn't be complaining about this. :::

Um... yeah. My tear- stitching and recovery- was more excruciatingly painful than ANY other point in my 25 hour natural labor!

Next time, I'm going to be a lot more specific in my labor prayers! "Pleeeease no nuchal hand again..."

[New_Natural_Mom]

Originally Posted by Little grey mare

FWIW I felt quite dignified for my next birth in my own bathroom

Although one thing - I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant." I told him "just bring me the damn stuff already and I'll put it on myself!" lol

OMG - I had such bad hip pain when they were wheeling me through maternity to the OR (had to have c/s after 21 hrs) I was screaming SO LOUDLY I think I scared even the nurses!

[New_Natural_Mom]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

I had to have a blood transfusion for PP hemorrhage (HB transfer, doc decided, oh, let's just reach my arm into your uterus to grab the placenta, that can't hurt, right?) I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.

I have no words.

[veronicalynne]

Originally Posted by filiadeluna

When I was born, my dad said "It's a BOY!", until the doctor corrected him. He was so hell-bent on the idea that I was going to be a boy, that he didn't even bother to *look*.

Omg, I can just imagine my husband saying that.....we have 2 girls and he wants a boy soooo badly.....(but insists he will be happy as long as the baby boy/girl is healthy)

laughup:

[sapphire_chan]

:
I have to UC. If any of this stuff was said to me during birth I'd end up in jail.

Oh! Came up with another really common one:

"let me check your dilation"

[sunnymw]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

:
I have to UC. If any of this stuff was said to me during birth I'd end up in jail.

:

Most of mine were pre-birth, since DS1's OB's obviously hadn't picked up a medical text or article since graduation in 1960.

Among the prenatal appointments:
"Now, I understand that you want the baby to stay attached to you, by the umbilical cord, so no one will take it. But in order to keep him from bleeding to death we're going to have to at least clamp the cord as soon as he's born."
"I don't know what you're seeing on TV, but that birth in water stuff isn't real... it's dangerous."


In the hospital... "We have to start the antibiotics and pitocin NOW, otherwise the baby could get an infection and die." My membranes had been ruptured for (uh, according to their knowledge) FOUR HOURS at this point. I was having regular (but mild) contractions. I was 4cm. And guess what? After hours of pit, I was STILL at 4cm!!!

Oh and as I was pushing (ala movie style, lithotomy with legs to my ears), for some sick strange reason, someone (MIL? Aunt?) put a CELL PHONE to my ear so I could say HI to my MOM (800 mi away). Hello? Pushing here?!

[filiadeluna]

Originally Posted by veronicalynne

Omg, I can just imagine my husband saying that.....we have 2 girls and he wants a boy soooo badly.....(but insists he will be happy as long as the baby boy/girl is healthy)

laughup:

[darlintxmomma]

Originally Posted by diamond lil

Some of these are funny, but at the same time I feel really sad that some of these weird things were said in the first place. Especially the one about the poor laboring mom asking for some pain relief and the nurse saying to use a condom next time. How awful. I would have thrown something at her.

Can you get kicked out of a hospital for throwing things at nurses? I can totally see myself doing that.

i actually did throw the blood pressure cuff at my nurse. it was 8.5 cm and my epi had worn off and DS was presenting really poorly (this is just before my csection) and the stupid blood pressure cuff went off again, only malfunctuned and never released(deflated) and when it didnt read anything, it began to reconstrict even tighter...i was screaming bloody murder and tore the thing off my arm and threw it at the nurse and yelled "GET THAT F-ING THING OFF ME NOW!!!"
she was all panicking saying..."you HAVE to have that on, we HAVE to know your blood pressure at all times"
luckily my anesthesiologist was right there and told her to drop it, I would be fine without it for 5 minutes. I had already had it on me going off every 5 minutes for 19 hours straight. I hate hospitals.

[natural_momma]

[QUOTE=sunnymw;11321911"Now, I understand that you want the baby to stay attached to you, by the umbilical cord, so no one will take it. But in order to keep him from bleeding to death we're going to have to at least clamp the cord as soon as he's born."
QUOTE]



That is one of the more horrifyingly ignorant things I've heard, even from an MD. Are you sure it wasn't a joke? Really? Not a joke???

[Babytime]

I gave birth to DD2 at a teaching hospital and the young doctor was poking my vagina and saying, "push here!" I was like, really, I had no idea!

[barefootpoetry]

Oh, wow. Some of these are genuinely funny, but most of them are funny in the if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry way.

I've got a few zingers from DS1's birth to share:

When first showing up to the hospital: "We have to put you on the monitor to be sure you're having contractions." Well, good thing you have a machine to make sure whether or not I'm serious here. Cuz, you never know, I might be playing a big joke on you!

During active labor, while I was staggering around the room: "Oooh, you poor thing, I remember how that felt during my first labor. Like I just wanted to hide from the pain." Almost got it - I'm actually trying to hide from YOU and EVERYONE ELSE who keeps pestering me. But you were close!

While pushing, the CNM kept telling me, "push out your bottom, push out your bottom." DH thought this was ridiculous, he told me later he was tempted to say, "what, you mean she shouldn't push out her mouth?"

During my C-section, when I kept flinching away from the feel of the scalpel on my skin, they kept asking me, "does that hurt?" and one of the docs said, "no, she's just overreacting." Geez, I'm so sorry that I'm not just as cool as a cucumber while I'm laying here getting filletted. Silly me for being effing TERRIFIED in this big strange cold bright room surrounded by strangers and not being able to see what the hell you're doing to me behind this curtain here.

Afterwards, while trying to breastfeed a drugged-up baby that I didn't get to meet until four hours after he was born, I told the LC on duty I was having trouble getting him to latch on. Her response? "Well, keep trying." Fast forward to the next day, I still can't get the hang of it. So she throws a nipple shield at me. Boy oh boy, I'm so glad the hospital pays you to tell new mothers to "keep trying" and then give them pieces of plastic when breastfeeding doesn't miraculously fall into place immediately.

I'm sooooooooo looking forward to my homebirth in 2 months.

[mamabadger]

I was doula to a nice woman whose labour was moving along rather slowly. At one point the nurse sat down by the bed and explained that she was having trouble delivering because she was Asian and her husband was European. The nurse said the baby was probably too big for her small, Asian pelvis, and she might need a C-section, which often happens with these mixed marriages.
Luckily, a doctor overheard and contradicted her before I could say anything.

[channelofpeace]

barefootpoetry, your post reminded me of another one. During my second c-section, my anesethologist gave this little speech about how it was his job to help me not to feel any pain, blah blah blah, make you comfortable, if you are feeling any pain, let me know... So they start the surgery and i told him that it was hurting, not oh-my-god-they-are-cutting-me-open badly, but pain and he said, "That's not pain, just pressure" Um, thanks, i've had a c-section before, know what it feels like and i am pretty sure i know the difference between pain and pressure.