Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 8

[*Erin*]

as i was transitioning, crawling onto the bed and cursing LOUDLY and profusely, my mother, who herself had 3 normal natural births, actually apologized to the nurses on my behalf. they all laughed and said they'd heard worse, and it was fine, let me be, which she did!

[*Erin*]

Originally Posted by milkydoula

barefootpoetry, your post reminded me of another one. During my second c-section, my anesethologist gave this little speech about how it was his job to help me not to feel any pain, blah blah blah, make you comfortable, if you are feeling any pain, let me know... So they start the surgery and i told him that it was hurting, not oh-my-god-they-are-cutting-me-open badly, but pain and he said, "That's not pain, just pressure" Um, thanks, i've had a c-section before, know what it feels like and i am pretty sure i know the difference between pain and pressure.

hugs
i said that during mine, and they gave me gas without telling me what it was and knocked me out

[MamaLuvsHerBabies]

Some funny things I've heard as a L&D RN...

'Can I cut the Um-Biblical Cord?'

'How much does he weigh?' (asked only moments after birth - this happens all the time)

'When can I get the epidermal?'

from a dad sitting outside his wife's room, reading a book... 'You're not going to leave my wife ALONE are you?' (as the RN is going to check on her other patient)

from a mom who looked down at the security sticker placed on her shirt upon admission to the unit... 'My name ain't Triage' (??!!!)

'What time will my wife deliver?' (hmmmmmmmmmm...)

'What is amniotic fluid?' (yikes!)

only moments after birth... 'I don't have any milk, so I can't breastfeed'


This only goes to prove that more often than not, OBs are not giving any useful information to their patients. So many moms present to the delivery unit filled with questions about very basic information that should have been given to them during the past NINE months of their care with their OBs. Shame on them!!!

-Wife, Momma, RN, :::: #5:

[Belle]

Originally Posted by MamaLuvsHerBabies

from a dad sitting outside his wife's room, reading a book... 'You're not going to leave my wife ALONE are you?' (as the RN is going to check on her other patient)

Sounds like such a loving spouse.

When I was pushing during my hb, my dh didn't realize I was pushing and was trying to get me to relax. I ignored him and just pushed. My midwives said something to the effect of "listen to your body and do what you need to" and he finally realized that my grunting and tight grip on the side of the tub was pushing.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by MamaLuvsHerBabies

Some funny things I've heard as a L&D RN...

Wow, those are all very : but at least as an RN you can gently tell people things like "it's fine, your milk will come in when it's supposed to, right now you have this stuff called colostrum that's even better!"

[sunnymw]

Originally Posted by natural_momma

Originally Posted by sunnymw

"Now, I understand that you want the baby to stay attached to you, by the umbilical cord, so no one will take it. But in order to keep him from bleeding to death we're going to have to at least clamp the cord as soon as he's born."

That is one of the more horrifyingly ignorant things I've heard, even from an MD. Are you sure it wasn't a joke? Really? Not a joke???

No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood." (while going thru my birth plan...)

[mamabadger]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood."

I have also heard OBs claim the opposite, that if the cord is not clamped the baby will fill up with too much blood.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

No joke. She was the head of the practice. The other two (males) both just said "We can't do that, the baby will lose all of its blood." (while going thru my birth plan...)

Originally Posted by mamabadger

I have also heard OBs claim the opposite, that if the cord is not clamped the baby will fill up with too much blood.

Wow. Reminds me of kids telling crazy tales about sex on the playground at recess. Makes me wonder if these OBs learned about birth in the same way!

[janasmama]

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by Novella

My very favourite, though, was when she was checking me out after the boys were born so easily. Palpates my abdomen and feels compelled to "tsk-tsk" while telling me that I'm really going to have to do a lot of exercises because my abdominal muscles are separated enough that she can set two fingers between them. You think?! I just carried 2 babies worth 14.5lb and their ancillary support systems to a healthy birth at 39weeks and 4days. I had to battle doctors all the way (including you, just an hour ago!) and you think I am surprised or even care that my abdominal muscles aren't at their finest?! Yeesh!!

No kidding! I could shove a fist between my abs after giving birth. Diastasis is odd, but it really is not the end of the world. Plus it's fun to freak your friends out. "Hey dude, feel THIS!"

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by AutumnMama

When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.

My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me

I walked upstairs while DD was crowning and across the room to get a pillow and back after her head was out.

[PatienceAndLove]

The resident at my daughter's birth was checking my dilation at L&D triage. She checked the dilation, looked confused and checked again.
She goes "i think you're 3... but I'm not sure, hold on". Calls the nurse in and the nurse says "no, she's 5" and looks at the resident like she's crazy.

Fast forward a few hours, and the resident is trying to cut the cord with a clamp. Yeah... a clamp.

[Picturesque]

[QUOTE=AutumnMama;11320441]When I was giving birth to DD (in the hospital with a CNM), I ended up pushing her head out while sitting on the toilet (had been pushing for 2 1/2 hrs). The CNM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to walk across the room and get on the bed.

My Mom said that everyone who was in the waiting room could hear me say "WHAT!?! Are you CRAZY?!!"
Somehow I managed to do it, and climb up on the bed with DD's head hanging out of me
Then they had me pushing while on my back for several contractions before they realized that "hey, this isn't going to work" and let me flip over to my hands and knees where she promptly came out the rest of the way.

Something similar happened to me: I was squatting by the bed when DS's head was born. The OB wasn't in the room. The nurse INSISTED that I climb up into the bed, then TURN OVER so the OB could deliver him. : The one funny bit is that my DH still gets a kick out of remembering how DS's face got squished in the process. Poor little guy!

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by janasmama

I agree and this is what was going on with my sis but I think it is the result of epi's.

Not necessarily. I had a midwife-only, no-meds birth and I was coached on when to push. I don't think I ever heard "Don't push" but heard lots of "Push Push push push push push!!!".

[LucyRev]

Originally Posted by Limabean1975

Not necessarily. I had a midwife-only, no-meds birth and I was coached on when to push. I don't think I ever heard "Don't push" but heard lots of "Push Push push push push push!!!".

For my 1st DD's birth I also had a midwife only birth with no meds. One of the nurses did the "push push push" b.s. and told me to try to get 3 good pushes in with every breath. I tried my best to ignore her. I think it is true that they are used to doing that because probably at least 75% of their patients have epidurals and can't feel what's going on.

I've been going to the hospital birth classes with my sister and the instructor said, "some women never feel the urge to push, but don't worry. The doctor will tell you when it is time." I actually busted up laughing.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by MKury

I absolutely LOVE my mw, and she was really cute as I was laboring on the birth stool. She was sitting on the floor under me and said, "Mary, you have a bulging bag of waters. I'm just going to cover myself with this chux pad- is that okay?" I didn't care obviously, but I'm so glad she did. With my next push, the entire wall behind her got drenched, but she stayed nice and dry. So sweet of her not to want to offend me!!

laughup

[mamalibby]

As I am laying in the OR after my (heartbreaking) c-section, STILL haven't seen my son, the doc leans over me and whispers "Are you religious? Because that was a miracle." and kisses me on the cheek.:


.........she was talking about the C-section, not the miracle of my amazing little boy. Apparently she had never seen a chord wrapped around the neck 4 times and just knew that he would have died had I not finally given in to a section for FTP. Although, since I was induced at 37 weeks because he was sooooo huge (8lb 10oz btw), I am pretty sure he would have been fine if left to come in his own time.

[SheepNumber97245]

I just remembered something from my son's birth...

The moment he came out i was overwhelmed with joyful cries. He was crying and I was clutching him close with my head up in the air whaling loud cries of sheer bliss. See...you could tell this because i was also smiling...

My mom said, "Why are you crying?? You should be happy!"

[EBeth0000]

Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by EBeth0000

Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .

that's sooo sweet!