Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 9

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove

The resident at my daughter's birth was checking my dilation at L&D triage. She checked the dilation, looked confused and checked again.
She goes "i think you're 3... but I'm not sure, hold on". Calls the nurse in and the nurse says "no, she's 5" and looks at the resident like she's crazy.

Fast forward a few hours, and the resident is trying to cut the cord with a clamp. Yeah... a clamp.

!!!! This sounds like a case of stolen identity.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by EBeth0000

Not as much stupid as just funny

Me immediately after birth: "Is it a boy or a girl? Honey, is it a boy or a girl?"

DH (sobbing, holding our DS): "It's a baby! It's a baby! It's a baby!"

um, yeah, he was too overwhelmed to check on that particular piece of information for me for a while. . .

Awwwww. You know, I think those were the first words out of my mouth after I gave birth (having known full well for the last 8 months that I was pregnant!), and I did not ask about the gender (nor did anyone else) for the first few minutes.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I thought os something from my hospital birth that really bothered me, it was annoyingly stupid. I had an epidural after I thought I would have hours of labor left with my induction, though I wanted the pit out of my system since I had to lay on my back for the whole labor and I didn't know I was at 7 or so until they finished putting the epidural in.

Ds had just been born and the dr was getting ready to stitch the tear I had, I told her I wasn't numb yet she still sat there poking me with the needle asking me if I could feel it as I am trying to get away after I said I wasn't numb.

But the funniest thing from that experience was dh saying as ds is crowning that he should go to burger king and get him a crown.

[thefragile7393]

None as funny or as as sad as many of these.....I did show up at the birth center at 9 cm and my mom showed up about 2 hours later. I was grumpy and irritated that she wasn't here earlier and "I'm having a baby here where have you been!?" At 9 cm I thought I was going to birth at any time and that she would miss it (now I don't want her there for other reasons). SHe hasn't forgiven me for yelling at her in labor.

And she told me "remember it hurts no more than menstural cramps." "This hurts just a BIT more then menstrual cramps mom!" I had a posterior darling and the back pain was killing me and at that moment I wanted to kill HER.

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by moodyred01

A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!."

Good lord...

That basically happened to me. Only she was wrong with her first guess of 8 and she told me two hours later I was at 4. This was after 39 hours of unmedicated labor with contractions every 6-8 minutes for 30 hours. I cried and decided I wasn't able to go another 12 or 24 or more hours so I transfered to the hospital where the triage doctor calmly asked me, "What brings you here today?" I was sobbing and just said, "I want an epidural." That doctor then wandered away to answer a question for someone else and never came back. 20 minutes later the triage nurse got pissed and hunted down a different doctor so I could be admitted.

[rixafreeze]

At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by rixafreeze

At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)

That doctor sounds like a real gem

[bvnms]

This wasn't when I was in labor but about 2 weeks before I had Beverly. I woke up one morning with a horrible pain in my stomach area, so we went to the hospital. I get up there and they keep asking me how far apart are my contractions. I kept telling them that I wasn't in labor, I was having some other kind of pain. They did not believe me. They hooked me up to the EFM and after about 20 minutes, while I'm laying on this bed holding my stomach crying, the nurse comes in and tells me that I'm not in labor. I yelled at her that I know this, I've had 4 other kids and could they do something about the GUT pain I'm having! Turns out I was having a problem with my gallbladder and almost had to have it taken out that day.

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by rixafreeze

At the first birth I attended as a doula:

Mom gets epidural early in labor (as planned) and the nurse says to her, once she's lying in bed, "Well, walking around doesn't help labor anyway."

Doctor calls the mom "champ," never by her real name. As in, "hi champ, how's it going?"

Doctor says half jokingly, "well you'd better have your baby by 7 pm because I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Doctor (who has an 80% episiotomy rate for first-time moms, and a 50% rate for multips) apologized to the mom for NOT doing an episiotomy because the baby came out faster than he thought it would. (And this woman was adamant about not wanting an episiotomy, although I don't think she ever communicated this with her doctor.)

Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

Guess who popped out at 3:55?

[gentlemomcarmen]

At my first daughter's birth, when things started to get pretty intense and I was having to work really hard through contractions, my mom came in the room. Her little gem of wisdom was "Are you not feeling well?"

It was at that point I realized why they keep everything that can be thrown just out of reach of the laboring woman.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove

Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)

They don't?? *pout*

Going with a midwife is looking better and better.
But my sister's face seeing Vivi crown still makes me laugh.

[Belia]

Originally Posted by rixafreeze

ecause I have a church meeting to go to."

Doctor says, "If I were a woman, I'd have an epidural when I got pregnant!"

Well, to be fair..... if I had known that this pg was going to be as rough as it's been, I might have requested an epidural at the beginning as well!!!!! Maybe I still will....... I'll be the only woman in the history of the world to have her epidural REMOVED for labor and delivery.......

[janasmama]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

(And I'd totally wanted to be a doula until I realized that doulas don't get to tell idiots off on behalf of laboring mothers. Very disappointing.)

laughup

Most of these are coming from hospital births....how interesting. I wonder if that means everyone with a homebirth is just happy at how everything went, everyone was more respectful of the space (though there are exceptions.)

[natural_momma]

I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still my HB)

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Belia

Well, to be fair..... if I had known that this pg was going to be as rough as it's been, I might have requested an epidural at the beginning as well!!!!! Maybe I still will....... I'll be the only woman in the history of the world to have her epidural REMOVED for labor and delivery.......

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by janasmama

laughup

Most of these are coming from hospital births....how interesting. I wonder if that means everyone with a homebirth is just happy at how everything went, everyone was more respectful of the space (though there are exceptions.)

I've been to both and it seems that partners say stupid things anywhere

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

That's gotta be one of the worst parts of being in labor. Straight lines like that and you're in no shape to come out with:
"You may WANT to do a forceps extraction, but if you do that at 4pm, I'll be doing a golf club extraction of your spleen at 5pm."

[~sweet pea~]

Originally Posted by natural_momma

I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still my HB)

Okay, this has to be my favorite so far.....laughup

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove

Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."

OMG, this totally made me think of something that happened when I was in labor with my first. I remember feeling totally humiliated by the first part, and completely p*ssed off by the second.

First, I was in the delivery room, and the doc comes in while the nurse is sloshing about 4 gallons of betadine over my perineal area. My legs are in stirrups to the ceiling and the rest of me is flat on my back on the bed. The doc sits down and starts injecting painkiller into the perineum so he can do the filet-job he listed as an episiotomy (I didn't know what he was doing, btw, or later, why I had 9 stitches down there ). While he's injecting the medicine, he's chatting about the history of the forceps, something about whoever invented them hid one half of the prototype set as a practical joke, leaving some doctor-in-training to figure out what to do with just one forcep during a difficult birth - some crazy made-up thing that I guess I was supposed to laugh at.

Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.

What irritated me was, a few minutes later, he pushed back from the bed and said, "Don't push or anything, I'm going for a smoke break."

The nurse had had enough and told me to push as soon as he left the room, and another nurse ended up running down the hall to catch him when the baby started crowning. He came back, cut his giant episiotomy and my daughter just kind of fell out.

Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.