Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove
Sounds like my OB.
"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."
OMG, this totally made me think of something that happened when I was in labor with my first. I remember feeling totally humiliated by the first part, and completely p*ssed off by the second.
First, I was in the delivery room, and the doc comes in while the nurse is sloshing about 4 gallons of betadine over my perineal area. My legs are in stirrups to the ceiling and the rest of me is flat on my back on the bed. The doc sits down and starts injecting painkiller into the perineum so he can do the filet-job he listed as an episiotomy (I didn't know what he was doing, btw, or later, why I had 9 stitches down there
). While he's injecting the medicine, he's chatting about the history of the forceps, something about whoever invented them hid one half of the prototype set as a practical joke, leaving some doctor-in-training to figure out what to do with just one forcep during a difficult birth - some crazy made-up thing that I guess I was supposed to laugh at.
Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.
What irritated me was, a few minutes later, he pushed back from the bed and said, "Don't push or anything, I'm going for a smoke break."
The nurse had had enough and told me to push as soon as he left the room, and another nurse ended up running down the hall to catch him when the baby started crowning. He came back, cut his giant episiotomy and my daughter just kind of fell out.
Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.