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Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 12

post #221 of 512
6/12/08 at 12:05pm
I've got a few to share as well.

The real gems are from my MIL I think. When I was admitted to be induced (oh the joy of not really having pre-e but being convinced I did...) the nurse fed me dinner before they started the pitocin. My MIL saw that and told the nurse "You can't be FEEDING HER!". Yeah, thanks, I'm sure the NURSE doesn't know the general protocols here.

My doula was great about giving me counter pressure support and rubbing my feet, but apparently MIL didn't agree. When my doula was out of the room she said "*I* can give you a better foot rub that THAT!" and proceeded to give me a rough foot rub. It wasn't a competition or anything here.

The evil doctor came in about 10am and said "We're going to have to start talking c-section here" and *then* checked me to find I was complete. Thanks for the stress over nothing!

Orion came out after 20 minutes of pushing and 2 minutes of violent dry heaving (oh yay mag sulfate!), the nurse was in the room but the doctor was not. She tried to hold his head from popping out and told me "Stop PUSHING!". Um yes, *vomiting* here, none of this is really controllable! I did feel great that he came out before the doctor could walk into the room. Once he was born my doula demanded he be given to me and the nurse stunned just did what she asked. Wonderful!

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post #222 of 512
6/12/08 at 2:34pm
After my awful 24 hours of labor followed by a c-section, doc informed me that "obviously an 8 lb baby is too big for you" So "next time we can just schedule your c-section." Gee, thanks doc. Did you forget EVERYTHING in my birth plan? Obviously.....
post #223 of 512
6/12/08 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrsboyko View Post
After my awful 24 hours of labor followed by a c-section, doc informed me that "obviously an 8 lb baby is too big for you" So "next time we can just schedule your c-section." Gee, thanks doc. Did you forget EVERYTHING in my birth plan? Obviously.....
I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFVkDV45MM
post #224 of 512
6/12/08 at 6:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFVkDV45MM
Is there any way I can get that in non-youtube format? I only have access at work and they have it blocked.....
post #225 of 512
6/12/08 at 8:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I believe there's a youtube video he needs to see!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFVkDV45MM
OMG, what a great video! I'm choking back tears over here. PP, you need to watch it at home if you can't at work!
post #226 of 512
6/12/08 at 8:11pm
Correction: I meant to say watch it at "a friend's home if you can't at work!"
post #227 of 512
6/13/08 at 4:36am
I just thought of one. I had PROM for my hb. I was trying to induce with a breastpump. My mom asked how dilated I was. I said I didn't know. We couldn't check because my water was broken. Mom asked how I was supposed to know when to push if nobody was checking my dilation. I asked her how other mammals got born if nobody was sticking their paws up their to check their dilation.
post #228 of 512
6/13/08 at 12:33pm
I haven't gotten past page 5 but I have to add.

My sister had her first at a birth center. There was a new MW asst there from another country (I say this because I still hope it was just a culture difference). Anyway, she came in to check my sister after having the baby, and she patted my sister on the belly and said, "You're sure you're not gonna have another one?"

I told my sister she should have kicked her.

**********

Not that big of a deal, but while in labor with my second my MIL's CELL PHONE RANG! (Wouldn't have been such a big deal but I was a week late and had heard that phone ring EVERY day asking if the baby was here yet.) Anyway, I yelled at her to "turn her f'ing phone off!!"
post #229 of 512
6/13/08 at 2:08pm
While I was pushing, one of the nurses said "Ooo, there's a BIG deceleration on the monitor!" It was an absolutely terrifying thing to say to a woman in the midst of birthing a baby! My midwife just calmly said "The monitor is wrong. This baby is absolutely fine." And she was: about 5 minutes later my DD was born, bright pink and screaming her head off.
post #230 of 512
6/13/08 at 2:40pm
Mommal I want your midwife! How reassuring and wonderful she was there for you and your wee one!
post #231 of 512
6/13/08 at 8:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belle View Post
I asked her how other mammals got born if nobody was sticking their paws up their to check their dilation.
:
post #232 of 512
6/13/08 at 10:24pm
The only person who said something stupid at my birth was me.

Midwife: Okay, you're at 8 centimeters.
Me: No, this can't possibly be transition. The contractions are too far apart.

(It was transition. It turns out that labor doesn't actually have to follow the exact same path I read about in books. Who knew?)

Well, wait, okay, maybe someone else did say something stupid. At one point I was throwing up and either my mom or my doula said happily, "What a good sign of progress!" Shut. Up.
post #233 of 512
6/13/08 at 10:30pm
This is great, reading these posts reminds me why my mom was only welcome at birth #1.

After which she said--honey that wasn't bad at all--you were really quiet up until the end. Good thing you weren't noisy, that can be embarrassing.

(BTW -- for #1 I had an epi and later regretted it. #2 was hospital with an awesome mw and I had no interventions except intermittant fetal monitoring and I got to stay out of the bed (yes, really) until after the birth in which I had an IV. #3 was a homebirth! I was very vocal during both those and knew I would be. Since my mom finds birthing noise to be embarrassing and unnecessary, I knew to leave her at HER house!)
post #234 of 512
6/14/08 at 9:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivka5 View Post
The only person who said something stupid at my birth was me.
During my labor, I woke up in transition and was throwing up, which I almost NEVER do. I went to wake up dh and he said, "Do you think this is it?" Since I felt like I was just in constant, cramping pain without being able to distinguish contractions and since we had gone out for dinner the night before, I said, "I don't think so, I think I have food poisoning! How do you feel?"

He just stared at me and said, "Uh, I feel fine. I'm pretty sure you're in labor."
post #235 of 512
6/14/08 at 9:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by AAK View Post
After which she said--honey that wasn't bad at all--you were really quiet up until the end. Good thing you weren't noisy, that can be embarrassing.
I can totally imagine my mom saying that.

I don't remember anything excessively stupid during my birth. I was really focused, though. Probably the worst was from the nurse- "The OB wants her in stirrups; she likes to deliver that way". Which, to be fair, I count as the OB's stupidity, because the nurse is going to disobey a direct order? I was nonverbal at that point though, and it was the nurse who got kicked.

After the birth, my mom came upon me mostly naked, and said "Wow, I had no idea stretch marks could be so bad!" (she never had any in 5 pregnancies).

Thanks mom. I feel so much better about my post partum body now. (And they weren't even that bad, compared to alot of women!)
post #236 of 512
6/14/08 at 4:48pm
Not exactly a labor one, but I had to share

A random lady at the store saw I was pregnant and asked which hospital I was going to.

Me: None actually, we're having him at home with a midwife
Her: oh, she can't give you drugs can she.
Me: No, but we're planning a drug free birth anyway.
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.

She couldn't respond, just looked confused!
post #237 of 512
6/14/08 at 7:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mntnmom View Post
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.
Beautiful! I love it!!
post #238 of 512
6/14/08 at 7:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeydee View Post
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.

OMG, I can't stop laughing at this ... My DH would totally do something like that! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!
post #239 of 512
6/14/08 at 8:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnassistedMomma View Post
Beautiful! I love it!!
: I'm totally using that with strangers.
post #240 of 512
6/14/08 at 10:26pm
As a doula I have heard some pretty crazy stuff...here are a few that come to mind:

A teen mom who had been living at a crisis pregnancy center her entire pregnancy and was under nearly constant supervision...she is washing dishes with her house mom (they had been together all day) when she feels a huge gush of water...house mom says, well we better go to the hospital, looks like your water broke. They used a few towels to clean up and had her sit on a chux pad on the way over (which was wet by the time they got there)...they go to L&D and nurse examines her...she does a speculum test and states that her water did not break. The mom asks what else it could have been, (she was nearly certain it wasn't urine, she had actually emptied her bladder a few times during this whole event and was fairly sure that it was not urine...)the nurse said with all seriousness (and I am not kidding), well then I guess it is sperm...the mom said "But, there were puddles of it...big puddles", and the nurse said, yes, sometimes that happens...

A mom wanted to let the baby's cord alone after the birth...doctor had never witnessed this before. He states "Yeah, I'm cool with whatever you decide, but I should warn you that there are some dangers to trying this" the mom asks what is dangerous about a pulsating cord...the doc said "well, it will all be fine if I hold the baby beside your butt, but if we put him on your chest his blood will drain out" UUUUUUhhhhhhhhggggggg..... head:

My own birth had some memorable moments too...my first birth was 47 minutes long... (INTENSE) I arrive at the hospital ready to push, contrax on top of each other, really in the throws of labor and some nurse brings a paper to me with a bunch of faces on it asking me to show her which one resembles how I am feeling...I said circle the one that has a head coming out of her vagina...

Shortly after that another nurse tells me I really need to learn how to breathe or this baby was just not going to come... (really, 3cm-9cm in less than 30 minutes and she thinks something is holding me back???) I told her to go find some breathing lessons and try to get me signed up in time, until then I was just going to try to give birth...wish me luck
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You may also like:

The Hidden Risk of Epidurals
There Is Not Always a "Fix" For the Difficult Child
10 Things You Don't Need For a New Baby
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