Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 13

[Shelsi]

During our homebirth I went into the bathroom thinking I had some "cleaning out" left to do...having no clue whatsoever just how far along I was...and I sat down and realized I was pushing! I had called my mw an hour prior and told her not to come for awhile and she lives 45 mins away. So first I start calling out, "Um! I think I'm PUSHING!!....Yeah! OMG! I'm PUSHING! I'm PUSHING! OMG! I AM PUSHING!" lol. It felt like it took forever for dh to come in there. I found out later from my mom why it took him so dang long (she was there too to be with my ds). Dh heard me yelling out that I was pushing and proceeds to KNOCK on the bathroom door over and over again saying, "Rachel, is it ok if I come in? Can I come in please?" Of course I didn't even hear him. Finally my mom was like, "Jon! For pete's sakes! JUST GET IN THERE NOW!! STOP KNOCKING ON THE &%*@&$ DOOR" :

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

During our homebirth I went into the bathroom thinking I had some "cleaning out" left to do...having no clue whatsoever just how far along I was...and I sat down and realized I was pushing! I had called my mw an hour prior and told her not to come for awhile and she lives 45 mins away. So first I start calling out, "Um! I think I'm PUSHING!!....Yeah! OMG! I'm PUSHING! I'm PUSHING! OMG! I AM PUSHING!" lol. It felt like it took forever for dh to come in there. I found out later from my mom why it took him so dang long (she was there too to be with my ds). Dh heard me yelling out that I was pushing and proceeds to KNOCK on the bathroom door over and over again saying, "Rachel, is it ok if I come in? Can I come in please?" Of course I didn't even hear him. Finally my mom was like, "Jon! For pete's sakes! JUST GET IN THERE NOW!! STOP KNOCKING ON THE &%*@&$ DOOR" :

Too funny!
How nice that he knocked, though

[malibusunny]

My mom is still mad at me for not calling her with updates during my 30-odd hours of labour. Anything she said during my labour counts as stupid by default.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Originally Posted by Mommal

While I was pushing, one of the nurses said "Ooo, there's a BIG deceleration on the monitor!" It was an absolutely terrifying thing to say to a woman in the midst of birthing a baby! My midwife just calmly said "The monitor is wrong. This baby is absolutely fine." And she was: about 5 minutes later my DD was born, bright pink and screaming her head off.

When I was in labor with ds, the monitor kept saying I was having contractions when I wasn't and that I was having peaks when nothing was going on. Also, they found the baby's heartbeat and strapped an external monitor on. He didn't like it and moved away. A couple of times they readjusted it, but he kept moving. Finally, they gave up and took it off. But when he was about to be born, in fear they put it on (until the doctor showed up? I can't remember - I was sort of busy) - for legal reasons. He still didn't register (but he came out screaming so I expect he was alive). So, you're midwife was more right than just making up stories. But, boy, did she have better tact than the nurse.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Originally Posted by mntnmom

Not exactly a labor one, but I had to share

A random lady at the store saw I was pregnant and asked which hospital I was going to.

Me: None actually, we're having him at home with a midwife
Her: oh, she can't give you drugs can she.
Me: No, but we're planning a drug free birth anyway.
Her: When those contractions hit you'll change your mind.
Me: Really? I did okay with the other 3.

She couldn't respond, just looked confused!

:

[A_Random_Phrase]

Originally Posted by chpiper

As a doula I have heard some pretty crazy stuff...here are a few that come to mind:

A teen mom who had been living at a crisis pregnancy center her entire pregnancy and was under nearly constant supervision...she is washing dishes with her house mom (they had been together all day) when she feels a huge gush of water...house mom says, well we better go to the hospital, looks like your water broke. They used a few towels to clean up and had her sit on a chux pad on the way over (which was wet by the time they got there)...they go to L&D and nurse examines her...she does a speculum test and states that her water did not break. The mom asks what else it could have been, (she was nearly certain it wasn't urine, she had actually emptied her bladder a few times during this whole event and was fairly sure that it was not urine...)the nurse said with all seriousness (and I am not kidding), well then I guess it is sperm...the mom said "But, there were puddles of it...big puddles", and the nurse said, yes, sometimes that happens...

:
Boy, am I getting my laugh exercises tonight! Your others were crazy but this takes the cake. Umm, was the lady like ... a virgin? Totally uninformed? Believed that a teen would believe anything?

[Mommal]

Originally Posted by A_Random_Phrase

So, you're midwife was more right than just making up stories. But, boy, did she have better tact than the nurse.

Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one right now."

[A_Random_Phrase]

Originally Posted by Mommal

Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one right now."

Sheesh!

[cjanelles]

Originally Posted by Baby Makes 4

I was 19 when my first baby was born. I managed 20 hours without drugs before I asked for some pain relief.

The nurse's response?

"Next time, use a condom."

She left and never did come back with drugs. She was obviously trying to teach me a lesson. :

This reminds me of what the on-call OB said to me when I was delivering my second baby, a child I was relinquishing for adoption. I asked for some pain meds--not an epidural, but something to take the edge off--and the OB said:

"Oh no, if you're giving this baby away, you need to remember every bit of this pain so you don't get yourself in this situation again."

Oh yeah. That's right. I was 20 and stupid. I should have sued his ass.

[white_queen_22]

Oh my gosh - I am laughing so hard reading this thread. :-)

In my CBE yahoo group someone psoted about a birth they attended as a doula. THe mother was pushing and a nurse said encouragingly as the baby crowned "Oh - I see a lot of hair!".

To which the mother paused her pushing efforts to reply "Sorry. I didn't have time to shave before I came in."

LOL!

Angela <><

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by honeybee

I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth. Here are the ONLY things they're allowed to say (inbetween contractions)

--Answer a direct question by me.
--Tell me how great I'm doing.
--Ask me if I would like a drink or if I want a wet washcloth or need anything.

All other commentary is prohibited!

Birth attendents should be seen and not heard.

Originally Posted by khanni

It's no joke. I had homebirths with both my kids and had no urge to push with the first. After being fully dilated for quite some time, my CNM finally suggested I just start pushing anyway. I pushed for 4.5 hours before my daughter was born. It was frustrating, exhausting, counterintuitive, and excruciatingly painful.

I wonder what would have happened if you'd waited for the urge to push to come- maybe after 8 or 12 hours of rest, you could have had an easier time pushing?

I'm very happy to say that I don't have any personal anecdotes to add to this thread.

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3

My middle son's birth was EXTREMELY precipitous and at one point, my husband was on the phone telling the MW to HURRY...(I'd reached up inside and touched the baby's head/amniotic sac)...he comes running into the bathroom where I am on hands/knees and says "The MW says DON'T PUSH!"

I said (honestly trying not to push) "I'm TRYING not to push but my body is MAKING me!" He ran back to the phone and apparently passed that message on verbatim.

Whelp, to make a short story even shorter, about 10 minutes later--AFTER the baby was born, my MW runs in with one shoe on, bursts through the door, storms down the hallway and sees me in bed nursing.

The look on her face was priceless and she goes (kind of in a mock angry voice) "I thought I told you NOT to push."

: Good GAWD that pisses me off.

Anytime I hear a story about a mom being told not to push my blood pressure rockets through the roof. Jeez, ppl its NOT the MW's birth

Back in the day nurses were told to tie a womens legs together if the mother's body was trying to push her baby out before the doctor arrived. This happened to my Aunt who in turn had a severely brain damaged child as a result.

This is why I'm having an Unassisted birth with my future babies.

I also hate when the MW or OB's say, "Time to get the placenta out.":

MW said this and I told her, "No, I'm not ready yet. I don't feel any contractions yet, we should wait." To which she replied, "Oh, you don't feel any pain anyways, you won't feel any contractions to know when its time to deliver the placenta." Then without warning she said, "Now cough like you're a smoker." WTF? I'm not a SMOKER YOU <<insert UAV of choice here>> She proceeded to pull the cord in oder to take the placenta and AND her assistant says, "Uh, whats that?"

It was my uterus.

MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED

[Materfamilias]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

:MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED

OMG!!!!!!! :

[majikfaerie]

fruitfulwomb... OMFG. I'm so sorry that happened. I don't think there's much I could say about your MW that wouldn't get me banned, so i'll just leave it at that.

[A_Random_Phrase]

fruitfulwomb, an excellent argument FOR UC. That is a terrifying experience - and after you alread told her "no" as plain as you could tell her. Sheesh.

[Shelsi]

Originally Posted by ishyfishie

During my labor, I woke up in transition and was throwing up, which I almost NEVER do. I went to wake up dh and he said, "Do you think this is it?" Since I felt like I was just in constant, cramping pain without being able to distinguish contractions and since we had gone out for dinner the night before, I said, "I don't think so, I think I have food poisoning! How do you feel?"

He just stared at me and said, "Uh, I feel fine. I'm pretty sure you're in labor."

LOL I just read this one to dh and he said you should have named your LO "little baby Salmonella" LMAO

[ishyfishie]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

LOL I just read this one to dh and he said you should have named your LO "little baby Salmonella" LMAO

Another nickname to add to the list! I have to tell dh that one. At the time, he was still shaking his head over how I woke him up--"Um, dh, I think I need you to be awake right now." I *meant* I was going to try to lay down but wanted him to wake up and rub my back, but I ended up running (well, waddlecreeping) back to the bathroom before I explained anything past that statement!

[Shelsi]

Originally Posted by Mommal

Oh, I know she was right, all right! That nurse was just an idiot, and I could tell my MW thought so, too. Earlier in labor the monitor slipped out of position and the same idiot nurse came and looked at the printout, shook her head sadly and said "Oh, I see you're not having any contractions." I was like "That comes as a surprise to me, as I'm having a big one right now."

This happened to me and is a big reason my first birth was so terrible. I had an elective induction (yeah I was super mainstream back then), I had taken no classes at all because I wanted the epidural right away. Well the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. I was writhing around the bed in agony and crying which I never do in front of people. I kept begging for my epidural but the nurses just smirked at me and said I wasn't even contracting. They finally listened to me when I told them I felt like I had to poop and maybe that would make me feel better (of course I was starting to push at that point). I have nothing but hatred for those nurses who wouldn't listen to me. It still makes me really upset over 4 yrs later. They were just horrible. And I don't think I have that strong of feeling of hatred towards anyone else in my life.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

MW pulled part of my uterus out of my body. Ofcourse she pushed it back in and jammed down on my abdomen while trying to cover her a$$ by saying, "You're just bleeding a little more than expected." She LIED

OMFG. That's horrible! : How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.

[ishyfishie]

Originally Posted by barefootpoetry

OMFG. That's horrible! : How did you know it was your uterus? Did you know right then what she was doing or did you find out later? Did anything bad happen as a result of this? I ask because I am reading my medical records for the first time today and am finding a TON of stuff that no one told me happened.

Maybe a dumb question, but I'd like to see my records from the hospital as well. Do you contact the hospital directly to request that or would I go through my midwives?